Bethesda announced that its next edition of the Fallout franchise will debut on Xbox 360 approximately 6 weeks before it is available on the PlayStation 3.
“This is our biggest, most ambitious video game to date,” said Jergin Yurchayn of Bethesda. “The world itself will be roughly nine times larger than Fallout 3 and gamers can look forward to at least a 60-hour single-player experience.”
The news sent aftershocks through the ranks of fanboys on both sides of the aisle.
“We all know that they’re doing it because the PS3 is the suxxxors and Xbox is the best game console ever,” said a gamer known as IblEedgREEn on Xbox Live.
“Nobody even PLAYS those stupid Bethesda games ANYWAY,” said an avid PS3 gamer wishing to be called simply J.R.
In an effort to manage audience misconceptions, Bethesda amended its statement to better explain the timed exclusivity of Fallout 4.
“With a game of this size, we thought it only fair that we give Xbox 360 gamers a head start,” explained Yurchayn. “This way Xbox owners have plenty of time to save up for larger hard-drives and copy all 32- discs to their drive. It was the fair thing to do.”
“My life is pretty straight forward… literally,” said Lightning, a level 2 Commando/Ravager who moonlights occasionally as a medic when things get really dire. “I feel like all I ever do lately is run straight ahead and fight things.”
In a rare interview opportunity, Sarcastic Gamer caught up with the Pulse L’Cie on an exquisitely prerendered cliff overlooking a massive expanse of world that she would never be allowed to explore.
“It’s not like I’m asking for much, you know?” said Lightning. “But would it be too much to ask, as I enter what I feel is roughly the fourth or fifth Chapter of my life, to come upon a fork in the road? A road less traveled? Hell a wide field I could walk on one side of?”
Since departing her home of Cocoon, Lightning and her comrades have traveled more than 200 real-world miles in the straight forward direction, fighting the same creatures approximately every 326 feet.
Her battle mates are very concerned about the heroine.
“She’s not eating enough and is getting way to thin,” said Hope, a nearly useless member of the team who needs to admit he’s really a girl. “Ever since that Fal’Cie turned her sister into an ashtray, she’s been really short with everyone. It’s like… there’s something bothering her, but I can’t figure it out.”
“We play a game to keep our sanity,” said Sazh, a fashion-challenged middle-aged black man who enjoys hanging around with young white girls (and Hope) and hosts a chicken in his uncharacteristically flimsy Afro. “Once we finish a fight, we like to strike a pose like this… uh!… and then we run on ahead of her, straight in front of enemies that don’t even attack us. Haha! It’s a gas to see her get so mad!”
“It really pisses me off,” said Lightning. “I saw Sazh run right up to 3 Cockatrice who just stood there! If I come within 20 feet of one they perk up and charge! I can’t help but feel I’m being punk’d. I swear to God if we finish this quest and I found out my Focus is cleaning out a Gigantoad cage, I’m going to cast Fira right up Ashton Kutcher’s ass!”
The team, while originally optimistic, are now beginning to hope that initial estimates of a 30-hour quest were exaggerated.
“If we don’t get to make a choice soon, I’m quittin this bitch, straight up,” said Sazh.
Beginning May 25th, those of you who have your licenses revoked or are under house arrest will be able to terrorize the streets once again – virtually. The creators of the lovable sackboy bring you a new way to express your imagination and try to run people off the road in ModNation Racers, a PlayStation exclusive that nabbed people’s attention at last year’s E3.
ModNation Racers has the same premise as Little Big Planet’s “Play, Create, Share” theme, offering players the chance to collect a variety of goodies to make all sorts of karts and tracks. In an effort to add more anticipation to the existing hype, now with the preorder of the game at select stores, you get a bonus incentive that you can brag about to friends and strangers alike – before your ego is hurt when you see it for sale in the PlayStation store one month later.
If you feel the gods of Olympus have abandoned you too many times, you can venture into Gamestop to have access to Kratos and his Kart of Chaos. Amazon gives you Ratchet or Clank, while Best Steal Buy lets you have Nathan Drake and his Jungle Jeep.
Unlocking Chloe for some backseat loving will be revealed at a later time.
Each pre-order also brings a Mystery Mod and Kart package. My sources predict the mystery package lets you recreate Tawny Kitaen’s car hood dancing – Whitesnake anyone?
Yakuza 3 is just the Japanese version of Grand Theft Auto 4.
Psyche! Just kidding. This is NOT going to be one of those reviews. I defeated the JP release of Yakuza 3 months ago, but finally being able to understand everything without having to listen to a limited fan made voice over was more than enough to warrant purchasing the North American (NA) release. So I am obviously a fan of the franchise. In case you are wondering, I am about a third of the way through the NA version. Ok, with those provisos out of the way, lets talk Yakuza 3.
You play as Kazuma Kiryu, the former fourth chairman of the Tojo Yakuza Clan and foster father to a group of children at an orphanage in Okinawa. That’s right, you’re a semi-reformed Yakuza badass who is seeking a quieter, simpler life taking care of orphans and kids without parents, with Kazuma himself having been an orphan. The contrast between Kazuma “the loving foster dad” and Kazuma “the bloody suit wearing, one man army” can be pretty jarring and even a little insane to anyone unfamiliar with the series. The extensive video recaps of Yakuza 1 & 2 available from the main menu are there for a reason. They are entertaining in and of themselves and will drastically improve your sense of connection to Kazuma and the Yakuza 3 storyline. You don’t HAVE to watch them, but they help.
The impetus for Kazuma’s current return to the Yakuza life circles around his orphanage just happening to be on land coveted by shady politicians and crime lords, as well as an assassination attempt that threatens the Tojo Clan. Of course, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Yakuza 3 is a full fledged JRPG in terms of story…which means there is a ton of it (via numerous mini cutscenes and conversations), and you may or may not be able to follow everything. You just need to know that Kazuma may be a bit of gangster, but he has his honor, and he takes care of his own. The story bounces between heart-warming, melodramatic, silly, and brutally violent. Also, because the NA version of Yakuza 3 does not include English voice over work, all of the dialogue is spoken in Japanese and subtitled (very, very well, I might add) into English. Even if you skip the more random conversations, you’re still going to be doing a fair amount of reading.
The game features a large cast of characters and a second string of characters almost as big. A few, like Goro Majima (who doesn’t love a crazy eye patch wearing Yakuza killer?), really stand out and you’ll find yourself looking forward to encountering them again. I’m told if you speak Japanese that the voice work is excellent, but even if you can’t understand what the person is saying without reading the text at the bottom of the screen, you’re definitely aware when someone like Goro Majima is swearing at you: it’s all in the tone of voice. Japanese gangsters yelling and swearing just sounds cool, don’t ask me why. Even the most serious characters have their sunny moments though, as the quirky Japanese sense of humor pops up in a number of situations.
Despite comparisons to GTA by some reviewers, it’s better to think of Yakuza 3 as a straight up JRPG. Just like most JRPG’s, Yakuza 3’s storyline is long and involved. There is a fair amount of exploration, only rather than wandering around vast locations, you travel on foot in two open world city spaces. Which is similar to GTA in that you can walk around a living environment and bump into people on the street, do side missions, play mini games and so much more. Really though, exploration and interacting with secondary characters and missions is not exactly new to JRPG’s, it’s just the initial presentation that makes people think of GTA…for about a minute. The two city areas are detailed and alive. Even though you have to walk everywhere, there are only a few times where you’ll feel like you’re just running from point to point. The sheer amount of mini-games and secondary things to do is just ludicrous. Completing everything would be a monumental feat. It takes about 20 hours or so to beat the game if you gloss over the optional stuff, but the average player should get somewhere around 40 hours of solid fun. Who knows how long it would take to beat everything?
Though similar to GTA to some, the majority of the mini-games in Yakuza 3 are so far outside what GTA has offered players that only a few seem like something GTA would have (golf for example). You can literally lose yourself to hours of fun just playing mini-games. So, yes, the open world aspect and mini-game portions of Yakuza 3 may seem cosmetically similar to GTA, but the game is so much more a JRPG than anything else. The fact that people (I even did it myself last week) throw in GTA references without qualifying what they mean is doing a disservice to Yakuza 3 and giving people the wrong impression.
As you explore the open areas, you’ll constantly run into street punks and gang members who foolishly attack you (Yakuza 3’s version of random encounters). These encounters are generally pretty easy, and best of all, you’ll receive a reward for each group of fools you stomp on. You’ll also come across other tidbits like locker keys and photo opportunities (definitely a highlight of the game). The combat itself is a mix of arcade fighting and beat-em-up gameplay. The system is not very deep, but it is easy to learn and remains fun right to the end of the game. You perform combos of weaker attacks followed by power blows to take down your enemies. You can throw your enemies, dodge/dash around them, or even attack them while they’re down. You also have access to several types of melee weapons (swords, baseball bats, etc) as well as the ability to pick up most random objects to use as weapons as well.
As the game progresses, Kazuma becomes more and more powerful as you level up your attributes (Soul, Tech, Body and Essence). As your attributes improve, and you find books and encounter other special situations, you’ll gain access to new abilities. The most important and/or coolest of which are the special attacks you can use to brutalize your foes. Easily the most violent part of Yakuza 3, you’ll headbutt, break backs, shatter skulls and generally annihilate anyone unlucky enough to cross you. During the one-on-one fights (usually a boss or mini-boss) the game feels almost like a trimmed-down, traditional fighter. When someone shows you their Yakuza tattoo, it’s s safe bet things are about to go down. The fighting is so brutal, and at times vivid, that it even made me wince a few times. For the most part though, the violence is all over the top and outlandish, with a pinch of Japanese-style flash thrown in for good measure.
As a JP import fan, I was very happy when Yakuza 3 reached North American shores (especially after I lost my first Japanese PSN account…long story). It’s hard to find a neat little box to put Yakuza 3 into so that I can describe it to non-JRPG fans. It’s a story driven RPG, with beat-em-up combat, endless mini-games, and an open world setup. Make no mistake, this is a very much a title made with the Japanese market in mind. If you enjoy frequent mini cutscenes, helping out orphans with school and dating, brutal combat, golf, and Japanese gangsters, Yakuza 3 is for you!
I can’t wait to get my hands Yakuza 4 (just hitting Japan now) and I look forward to the whispered Yakuza 5.
Ever wake up one day and realize a friend of yours probably tricked you into playing a game you would otherwise have passed on? Yeah? It just happened to me too.
Sunday afternoon, after ingesting far too many BW3 wings and a leg-lamps-worth of beer, Dave and I moseyed into (evil music here) Gamestop to peruse the wares. To make a non-story short, I asked Dave if he’d heard any of our peeps react to FF XIII to which he said he heard it was good. I mentioned that I might play it, to which Dave guffawed. “You’d never like a game like that Doc. It’s got too much going on. Just wait for Just Cause 2 and play with parachutes.”
Like Hell.
I bought that game (PS3) and marched home to prove Dave wrong.
Now I’m 6 hours into a truly epic video game, one of the best I have ever played, and despite ZERO RPG pedigree, I’m holding my own.
Final Fantasy XIII doesn’t require that you know the back-story. It doesn’t require you to evaluate decisions in your life on mental 12-sided dice. Just bring your imagination and leave every other game you’ve ever played in your brain’s attic. I’ve never played ANYTHING like this.
The real-time combat system could be overwhelming but Square Enix don’t hit you with the massive array options all at once. I’m fully 6 hours into the game and I’m STILL taking occasional (skipable) tutorials and adding to my RPG skill sets. Where at first I struggled to understand the difference in attacks and abilities, now I’m swapping paradigms and casting spells with the best of them. All because Dave basically dared me to.
This isn’t a review of Final Fantasy XIII. I think that’s a job best left to another team member with a bit more experience in the RPG genre.
But if you’re like me, having never really considered yourself an RPG player, being so late to the FF franchise that you think you’d be lost jumping in at episode 13… don’t.
Turn on your PS3 (or pile all 3 of the discs into your Xbox) crank up the surround sound, turn down the lights and prepare to be simultaneously blown away, and sucked in by a video game masterpiece. This game just might open a door for you as it did for me.
If you’d like to join me in a discussion of Final Fantasy XIII join our community and hit this thread.
It really seems to be quite popular to hate on Activision and Infinity Ward nowadays. Honestly, I have no idea why. I mean, it’s not like the CEO acts like a complete jackass to his customers’ faces or that they decide to jack up the price because millions of lemmings would gladly give their bank information if asked.
Now, it really is nothing when gamers make fun of developers and publishers. We tend to do that a lot when anything doesn’t go our way.
When otherdevelopers and publishers join in on the fun? Well, that’s pretty awesome.
However, when those aforementioned developers and publishers are in direct competition with your target of scorn? Now that, my friends, is pure win.
I believe I’ve wasted enough of your time. Here’s a classy PSA put together by our friends over at Dice and EA.
Sometimes, Big Daddy protective duties extend to comforting Little Sisters when they buy rip-off DLC.
Hello there. Did you buy Bioshock 2? I bet you did, because it’s a great game. I’ve not played very much of it myself, but what I played was very good.
Did you buy the Sinclair Solutions DLC pack when it was released on your online marketplace of choice? You did? Did you not think that download was suspiciously tiny when you bought it? That’s because, as 2K themselves confirmed, the Sinclair Solutions pack is already on your Bioshock 2 disc, fresh from the shelves of your local retailer of choice.
Congratulations, you’ve just paid money for things you technically already paid for when you walked out the shop.
BUT IT’S OKAY. 2K have totally justified it. Have a read of this:
“The way our engine and game structure works is that people need to have the exact same content for people to play together. One of the challenges with post-launch content for MP is that it can split the player base, and we want to avoid that whenever possible. For this content, creating the DLC package the way we did allowed for us to not split the player base — so whether you purchase the new content or not, you can still play with your friends.
I know some of you have strong beliefs about DLC, and I’m not here to sway your opinion or convince you to buy our stuff – if you like what we’re offering, I hope you get it and enjoy it. If it’s not your speed, enjoy BioShock 2 as we released it.”
“Splitting the player base”? 2K’s reasoning is that because this downloadable content (that’s not really downloadable, but whatever) is on the disc, every player is entitled to it…as long as they buy it. This is how regular, genuinely downloadable downloadable content works too – every player can have it if they buy it. So the player base is split regardless.
I think 2K should invest in teaching their spokesfolks (new term, coined right there) the benefits of internal monologue; if they said to themselves that putting the DLC on the disc doesn’t split the player base, I have a feeling they’d have gone away to think of some better excuses before opening their traps.
Yippie, Infinity Ward has decided to grace us with a map pack almost six months after Modern Warfare 2 was released and almost 3 months since I gave a rat’s ass. The ridiculously titled “Stimulus Package” that they’re CHARGING you for (someone at Infinity Ward doesn’t know what a “Stimulus Package” is apparently) contains only three new maps and a repackaging of Overgrown and Crash from CoD4.
And they’re going to charge you $15 for the honor of owning it.
Are you freaking kidding me?
Modern Warfare 2, I’ve stuck by you through most of the crap. You’re a great game, mired in online glitch-hell. Now, after all of this BS, you’re going to charge me $15 for 3 new maps? I don’t think so.
This is where we part ways. Goodbye Modern Warfare 2, I hardly knew ya.
Why should you read this article? “Yoshifett Buys a PS3, Moves To Dark Side” How boring is THAT going to be? What could you possibly gain (aside from a few grins and perhaps even a literal “lol”) from reading my account of my PS3 acquisition and subsequent usage? Haven’t you heard this story before? Aren’t the internets (which happen to be, as most of you know, serious business) full of these sorts of articles? “I bought a PS3! Read my stupid dumb face article!” is a common headline these days. Why would you read my specific account? You should skip this one, right?
No, you shouldn’t. You should continue to read, and I’ll tell you why.
I have a story. No, I have a damned parable about the perils of fanboyism and the triumph of quality gaming over prejudice. This is not a narrative you’ve heard before. This is a pathetically epic story of a man’s irrational battle with his imaginary demons.
When I was just a lil’ tyke, back in the sweet-ass late-‘80s, I used to ride my sister’s pink scooter (shut up, I know you’ve done lamer things to play video games, especially when you were ten) over to my friend’s house every day to worship at the altar of the NINTENDO ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM. You know? The one true system. Even at the tender age of ten, I understood brand loyalty all-too well. Though I had an Atari, I never felt any real attachment to it. While Nintendo was my first true video game love, Atari was more like my first true video game stripper.
Thus, when companies like Sega attempted to challenge the mistress of my video game puberty, the first signs of ugly fanboy rage appeared, much like unsightly pubescent body hair. I decried Sega’s chances for success, and even though I had no idea what “decried” meant back then, I was decrying like crazy. I knew, I FREAKING KNEW, that Nintendo ruled all, and that everything they did was by definition better than what everyone else could ever dream of doing. When Sega fizzled out, I wasn’t surprised nor worried. In other words, do you remember how cocky Patriots fans were before the New York Super bowl loss? That was me, and Nintendo was the Patriots.
If you’re still reading this article (and I know you are because you’re awesome – keep those sideburns, by the way), you’re probably wondering “What in the hell does this have to do with buying a PS3?” What does it have to do with that? EVERYTHING! According to my memory, I was similarly dismissive of the so-called “PlayStation” when it came out. It looked like something that old people would’ve bought and never fully understood, like a cheap DVD player. Then, it seemed, overnight, Sony was dominating the console war and the runner-up was not King Nintendo, but Microsoft.
From that moment, my hatred for Sony knew no bounds, obeyed no commands, and slew many women. I couldn’t believe that stupid CD player thing for Grandpa was beating my beloved N64/GameCube. I felt that Sony was a violent predator that had inappropriately assaulted the video game world in its red-light areas. It had destroyed an icon. My god was in ruins, and I lost my way.
The Xbox got a pass, largely because of Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. Fortunately for Microsoft, not only was my childhood being ruined by Nintendo’s demise, George Lucas was humping the Star Wars mythos like my dog on the leg of a stranger. Knights of the Old Republic wiped away so many bad memories, I ignored the fact that Microsoft, just like Sony, was just a corporation trying to get in on the gaming market and make Nintendo obsolete. Freakin’ Jar Jar.
Finally, I was fully committed to the Xbox 360. I had settled down with a nice girl, and there was no way that I was giving her up just because every few months she broke down, started to cry with RRoD red rings around her eyes and had to go home for a few weeks to “recover.” People tried to show me that “Hey, the PS2 is fun too!” or “The PS3 will have awesome games soon, buy it for $599 at launch!” but I was completely unwilling to look at that cold Sony bitch. She was an ex-lover I never had in the first place.
Finally, though, after reflecting upon all of this nonsense, I decided to buy a PS3. Why? WHY?Because I was an irrational fanboy who was missing out on a buttload of cool games because of a grudge that started twenty years ago when I wore multicolored shorts and neo shirts featuringMario!!!
I like my PS3. But I won’t bore you with that story. I have a feeling you’ve heard it before. Don’t you feel like your life is better for having read this article? I know it is for me.
It appears Sarcastic Gamer has pulled off the impossible: we’ve reviewed one of the biggest games of the year before it’s even out, thanks to some lovely people at Sony. Yup, God of War III touches down in just over a week but we’ve played it through from beginning to end and are ready to spill more than a centaur’s open wound.
Brace yourself for the honest, spoiler-free review!
God of War III, for the uninitiated, is the you-don’t-say sequel to God of War II, picking up directly where the second game left off, with Kratos clinging onto compost-y titan Gaia as she clambers her way up to Mount Olympus, to seek his final revenge on the gods for the two games’ worth of torture they’ve put him through. His main target? Grand-pappy of the Olympian gods and pappy of the man himself, Zeus. As with the titles before, GoW III “borrows” heavily from a big fat book of Greek mythology. And by “borrow”, I mean “essentially rip the pages out, chew them up, burn them and scatter the ashes”; pretty much everything inspired by the ancient folklore is destroyed, smashed to pieces or generally just ruined in some way, usually by Kratos’ blade.
As you’ve probably guessed, it’s business as usual with GoW III, mashing away at Square and Triangle to decimate the various legions of mythological creatures and undead minions with your twin Blades, flicking the right stick about to leap out of harm’s way like a demented gerbil, and grabbing aforementioned minions with Circle to delightfully rip them in two (which gets you a Trophy first time you do it; fo’ serious). On top of all that there are more of the epic boss battles God of War is expected to deliver; and when you start the game on the back of a giant as it climbs up Mount Olympus, you don’t really need me to tell you if it lives up to the promise of games gone before. Neat.
Kratos didn't appreciate the parking ticket left behind by a particularly brave attendant.
Beyond ‘neat’, though, is how good it all looks when you do get round to the messy stuff. If you’ve played the God of War III demo, cast your mind back to how tasty that all looked and then scrunch those delicious memories up and throw them in the imaginary trash can of your mind.
Since the creation of that demo, the development team at Studio Santa Monica has touched up pretty much everything; every last leap and bound around the screen is smeared with a lick of blur, detail on characters is phenomenal and to top it all off everything is silky smooth in motion, even when the number of characters on-screen runs into the double figures.
Oh, and the gore is delicious; skin tears and cuts, guts fly and blood spits out everywhere. Needless to say, keep the kids out the room – something only the series’ signature sex scene cares to point out in what has to be the most unlikely thing you’ll hear in the bedroom; namely two Greek harlots pointedly telling the player it’s for “Mature Audiences Only!” Thank you ladies, I hadn’t realised that in the previous few hours of stomach-tearing, entirely obviously completely suitable for children hack-and-slashing.
Aside from ripping everyone to bits with Kratos’ Blades (and a number of other weapons picked up in the course of the storyline, including a massive pair of gauntlets shaped like lions), God of War III is no different from its predecessors in offering up a number of puzzles to tax the brain a little, just to give it some time to catch up with the amount of awesome that probably came on the screen before. They’re varied enough to be fun diversions for the few minutes they last, the highlight involving arranging an area like an M.C. Escher illusion to enable water to run along a flat platform as if it was sloped.
Take all this hacking, slashing, puzzle-solving and epic-boss-battling and you’ve got a formula for success: in other words, you’ve got another brilliant God of War game, but on PlayStation 3 everything’s turned up to 11 and the game blows the player away just that little bit more.
Don't lose your head! (hurhurhur)
But as it’s a God of War game, it comes with God of War problems. The ghastly beast that is the Quick Time Event rears its ugly head and crops up in just about every scrap Kratos gets himself into. When it’s demanding a hammering of the Circle button to try and win a clash of blades, that’s fine. But when you’re trying to take down a cyclops and the button prompts change each time you screw it up, it can be a little irritating.
In the event of death, or happening to make an accidental leap into a bottomless chasm, it’s more often than not Kratos will be resurrected reasonably close to where he was before. It’s just a shame that the checkpointing seems to be pretty fragmented at times and the really, really difficult bits of the game insist that no matter how far through it a player may be, they have to do the whole thing again if they slip up and happen to die. Because they should be better than that, right?
Those little issues aside, there’s not much to complain about when it comes to God of War III. The repetitive hack-and-slash nature might not appeal to some but it’s hard to say no when the formula has worked so, so well for the games that have gone before.
As a testament to the kick-ass nature of the best PS3 exclusives, it’s up there with Uncharted 2. With repeated plays encouraged BY new unlocks post-completion (including Arkham Asylum-style challenge rooms), there are far worse ways to spend quality time with your black behemoth.
