It happens to the best of us, I guess. What you see above is my PS3 trying to turn on, overheating (that’d be the yellow light) before turning itself off and handily letting me know that it’s gone and f**ked itself with the flashing red light at the end. Sadface, nay, super sadface. In fact, this needs an emoticon, so here you go.
Replacement is coming a week today at the prime cost of “nothing”, which is nice but on the bad side, as I’m missing out on the bikes in Paradise City and Life With PlayStation. Hurrr.
Fanboys, have your flamethrowers at the ready. I can take it.
As a reader of quality journalism (and since I’m as pretentious as Piers Morgan from America’s Got Talent) I don’t tend to have a flick through the tabloid newspapers of the UK. However, there was one rather intriguing story about the 360, more specifically the good old Red Ring of Death, but even more specifically about the vastly-improved Elite models, in a recent edition of the Daily Mirror.
Some notorious tabloid gossip scandals follow after the jump!
by SupaSlick
(Note: the letter excerpts posted in this article are legitimate and were not altered in ANY way.)
Ok, I’m now in WEEK 4 of no 360 thanks to the freeing experience that is the RRoD. For those of you unlucky folks who still get to be bogged down with a working 360, let me inform you about the incredibly informative, intelligent, and effective staff behind Microsoft’s so called Customer Service.When you register your console (usually while calling about RRoD) it’s supposed to appear on the xbox.com support page, with your current warranty and repair status. Well, in Microsoft’s infinite wisdom, they thought it would be easier to not list me at all, as if I didn’t own a 360. I suppose they felt that forgetting me would be better. That’s probably a stroke of genius on their part. Why should I be able to conveniently check what’s going on with my repair? I should just trust them and have faith that they’re doing everything they can, right?
Well, I still felt the need to do a little checking anyway.
Calling Microsoft’s super-helpful and well trained staff, unfortunately, has been completely ineffective. They seem to think training their people to sound like they’re reading from a manual in broken English is the best way to do business.
They also think that telling you the same thing “Microsoft Max” (their recorded voice) says WORD FOR WORD is even more helpful. I’m sure this is an excellent way to provide customer support, however I’m personally struggling with the concept.
Anyway, I decided to try a different approach: email. For some reason, I thought that if I clearly wrote down my problems and concerns, I might get a clear response. I think what I got in return will speak for itself.
(Note: the letter excerpts you are about to read are legitimate and were not altered in ANY way.)
———————————————————————–
Thank you for writing Xbox Customer Support!
I deeply apologize for any inconveniences you might be having. I understand that you were trying to check on the repair status of your console but the console was not listed on the online support web site. If you are having some issues trying to check the repair status of your console online, you need to call phone support. We may require personal information for verification which cannot be divulged over email. Our phone support team are trained and equipped to assist you in this issue. Our phone support team are trained and equipped to assist you and check your console’s repair status.
You may also call Xbox Phone Support at 1-800-4MYXBOX (1-800-469-9269) at your earliest convenience, and we’ll be happy to help you. We are open everyday from 8am to 12mn US Central Time.
NOTE: You may now check warranty and repair status for your XBOX console by going online at http://service.xbox.com/ using your Windows Live ID account.
Thank you for visiting Xbox.com. If you should have future questions on Xbox products or services, please be sure to revisit our Web site as we are continually adding information to enhance our service.
Sincerely,
Xbox Customer Care ———————————————————————–
Now I’m no CSR professional, so I’m sure this is how an accurate and helpful response is supposed to be, however; I still feel this raises the question:
HOW STUPID ARE THESE PEOPLE?!
Are they even reading what they’re writing?! This sounds like it was cut and pasted from a form letter, repeatedly! The best part is the “NOTE.”
That’s it. I don’t think I need to say anything else.
Once again Microsoft, your diligence in excellent Customer Service rings true.
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So you’ve got the RRoD. What do you do now? Well, guess what?! Microsoft has the answer.
No, no, they’re not going to speed up repair times, send out loaners, add a more competent phone staff, or actually FIX the problem. Don’t be silly. They’ve come up with something even better!
The RRoD Survival Kit! Time to let all of those weeks of boredom melt away! Check out what you get:
A box of green tissues! Because you’re going to cry and complain for quite awhile.
A Special Microsoft Phone – with 1 big button! Believe me, this is going to come in handy. Never again will you have to go through the tedious process of Microsoft’s automated system. With one push of the giant 360 ball, you will instantly be connected to a Microsoft Customer Service rep. However, it will be useless without the next item.
English to Hindi translator! Sick of repeating yourself, speaking slowly, and trying to explain why you’re calling? This just might be the answer!
RRoD Punching Bag! Screw DDR! Now you can lose weight while beating out all your frustrations! The Red Ring of Death lets you know where to aim!
A DVD of other people playing 360 games! Microsoft knows you can’t actually play anything, but you CAN watch other people play! Enjoy Halo 3 and other great games over the shoulder of other people! (Besides, your DVD player still works.)
Halo 3: The Board Game! Because boy, will you be BORED! Forget “graphics” and “gameplay.” In this exciting, “candyland” style game, you guide Master Chief through a tricky maze to avoid the flood! Includes Co-Op with the Arbiter! Fun sold separately.
With this amazingly useful kit, those 3 to 4 weeks without your console will fly right by! In fact, it’s so great, you might even forget what you’re waiting for in the first place!
The RRoD Survival Kit – don’t buy a 360 without it!
Order now! Only on Xbox Live Marketplace … wait … something’s wrong here.
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Shipping giant UPS announced today their entire computer network has been fried! The cause? Anxious and angry busted Xbox 360 owners!
According to UPS Spokesperson Ima Packman:
“Stop hitting ‘refresh’ you idiots!”
Gamers going through withdrawal are doing nothing but hitting the refresh button on the UPS.com tracking page.
Every time an Xbox 360 gets the dreaded “Red Ring of Death” or “RRoD” as it is more commonly known, Microsoft graciously pays for the UPS shipping of the busted console to their repair center in McAllen, Texas.
The problem is, both Microsoft and UPS never expected the explosive tenacity and eagerness of their gaming hungry clientele!
Microsoft’s head of repairs Jason Slowberg stated:
“It’s quite ironic, 360 owners want their consoles back so badly, but they don’t even realize THEY are the ones causing the repairs to go so slow! At least people are mad at UPS and not us anymore!”
Also UPS chief engineer Jimmy Boxing had to comment:
“Every time you hit refresh, you’re bringing a man in tight brown shorts to his knees!”
Unfortunately these cries are just too late as the onslaught of “refreshing” has refused to cease, causing a UPS global shutdown.
Remember frustrated gamers, resist the urge to refresh! You WILL get your replacement system and a UPS worker’s life you save may be the one with your 360!
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Here we are, the day you’ve all been waiting for. Halo 3 day. You’ve marked your calendar, you’ve heard all the hype, you’ve read all the features, you watched all the video clips, and you played the beta test every waking moment you could spare. Now, finally, you’ve gotten your hands on the well reviewed Halo 3.Not all of us all celebrating.
While everyone else is running out to get Halo 3, or getting it in the mail, you know what I’m getting? A BOX! Yep, that’s right, today I finally get my RRoD coffin. Isn’t it great?!!! Check it out, it’s loaded with tons of cool features, such as:
- Exciting Super Sticky Shipping Labels!
- Custom Packing Material!
- Riveting Shipping Instructions. (Must-Read!)
- 3 to 4 weeks of free time!
- Co-op packing minigame!
- and much more!
Why would you want to play a little game like Halo 3 … when I can play with a BOX!
It’s awesome. This is all I need. Why in the world would I want to waste my time with a game filled with amazing gameplay, intriguing storyline, and vast multiplayer features? That crap is so LAME. An empty BOX is where it’s at!
Thanks Microsoft! You guys rule.
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Well, it finally happened. I thought I would be one of the lucky few who escaped the Red Ring of Death, or as many call it RROD, but no luck …. AND now just 6 days until Halo 3… whoopie!In case you’re wondering, I bought my system around Thanksgiving of last year. It’s worked great with no problems, blah, blah, blah, then all of the sudden, BAM! Then, in preparation to commit 360 Hari-Kari (which basically consists of bitching like a school girl while I hook up my PS2) … it came to me:
THE TOP 10 GOOD THINGS ABOUT MY 360’S DEATH:
(Because who doesn’t love a good list?)10. I get to play with shipping stickers when the box comes … always fun.
9. My girlfriend gets more time to force me to watch the WE channel … wait.. that’s not a good thing.
8. The bright blinking red lights make me think of the holidays by a fire, all warm and tosty, like my bricked 360.
7. By the time I’m back up and running … everyone will know all the maps and pwn the crap out of me in Halo 3 and maybe even TF2. – so I’ll feel just like I do now on Rainbow Six .. no change there!
6. I have unexpectedly removed myself from the Halo 3 hype … it’s a freeing experience … like finding Jesus … if Jesus wore green armor … and I wasn’t Jewish.
5. I can finally try out that new MMORPG Doc recently found. What are these “tree” things you speak of?!
4. God of War 2 and my dusty PS2 no longer look so “last-gen.”
3. I get to call India for free!
2. I can stop worrying about how long my 360 is going to last.AND THE #1 GOOD THING ABOUT MY 360’S DEATH: :
My Xbox 360 died on me this weekend. I never really worried about whether or not I would see the Red Ring of Death. For me, the numbers were a clear indicator. It was never a matter of “if”, but a matter of “when”. I don’t personally know a single person that owns an Xbox 360 that hasn’t had at least one die on them. That’s a powerful statistic. To top that off, I’m not a hermit that lives in the woods… I actually, you know… know people. Most of the people I regularly talk to on the various online communities I participate in have either had one (or more) 360’s die or are close to someone that has.
This led me to think. You see, I like to think. What would I do if I were Microsoft. I started trying to think what thoughts or messages would I like to send Microsoft. So I give to you my list of motivational blurbs to help me through this troubled time. Take them for what you will… or, dig deep into them and see what you can find, it’s your call.
Fix the damned red ring problems.
Use quality components, always.
Catch design flaws in the labs.
Click link below for the rest of the list
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