I was one of the special people picked to take part in the Tom Clancy’s EndWar Beta. Over the week and all this weekend, I’ve spent a ton of time with it. I’ve made a ton of notes on the invite-only multiplayer beta of one of the most highly anticipated console RTS games of the season….
As part of accepting the entry code to the EndWar beta, I was forced to sign a non-disclosure agreement by Ubisoft’s lawyers. In keeping with that agreement, I sent my first draft of this little shocker of an article to Ubisoft’s fleet of lawyers to see if they were okay with my revelations. They made a few alterations, but overall, I was surprised at how much I got away with, to share with the Sarcastic gamer faithful…
With the release of Wii Fit less than a month away in Australia, Europe, and North America, I wanted to remind you that Sarcastic Gamer has been making fun of this bathroom scale since it was announced. Here’s our look at this silly contraption that will probably sell MILLIONS of units within hours of release.
Fighting my way through Call of Duty 4’s photorealistic environments, loaded with real-time physics and award winning audio, only one thought occupied my mind: God I wish I had a Nintendo DS.
So I dropped $130 on it, only to be severely disappointed. It doesn’t even compare to my gaming rig: (more…)
It’s not every day that I talk to World of Warcraft scum, but occasionally it happens on accident. This sedentary piece of trash has three level 70 characters, roughly translating to 3.2 careers and 1/2 of a real social life wasted.
XenoOfAzeroth: hey d00d r u that rogue nelf on hakkar who is selling teh +80 stamina merciless knight vest? Volkov: What? The rogue what on what now? Xeno: d00d the nelf on hakkar with the sweeeet vest for trade? Volk: Are you trying to insult me? WTF is a nelf? Xeno: omgz0rs wut a noob!!! nelf = night elf lmao Volk: Oh god, you’re one of them.
Hey all you Guitar Hero fans, get ready to break out your wallets once more! New lines of peripherals are fresh off the presses, and ready to be delievered to retailers everywhere.
Keytar Hero
Haven’t you ever wanted to simulate the coolest instrument on the planet? Well…too bad, because the didgeridoo doesn’t have a video game yet. But the keytar is the next best thing!
Logitech MX Superstar
Great for the hardcore PC gamer, this sweet device from Logitech will put you right into the point-and-click action. The middle scroll doubles as a whammy bar.
Continue reading to see six more awesome new Guitar Hero devices!
So you’ve got the RRoD. What do you do now? Well, guess what?! Microsoft has the answer.
No, no, they’re not going to speed up repair times, send out loaners, add a more competent phone staff, or actually FIX the problem. Don’t be silly. They’ve come up with something even better!
The RRoD Survival Kit! Time to let all of those weeks of boredom melt away! Check out what you get:
A box of green tissues! Because you’re going to cry and complain for quite awhile.
A Special Microsoft Phone – with 1 big button! Believe me, this is going to come in handy. Never again will you have to go through the tedious process of Microsoft’s automated system. With one push of the giant 360 ball, you will instantly be connected to a Microsoft Customer Service rep. However, it will be useless without the next item.
English to Hindi translator! Sick of repeating yourself, speaking slowly, and trying to explain why you’re calling? This just might be the answer!
RRoD Punching Bag! Screw DDR! Now you can lose weight while beating out all your frustrations! The Red Ring of Death lets you know where to aim!
A DVD of other people playing 360 games! Microsoft knows you can’t actually play anything, but you CAN watch other people play! Enjoy Halo 3 and other great games over the shoulder of other people! (Besides, your DVD player still works.)
Halo 3: The Board Game! Because boy, will you be BORED! Forget “graphics” and “gameplay.” In this exciting, “candyland” style game, you guide Master Chief through a tricky maze to avoid the flood! Includes Co-Op with the Arbiter! Fun sold separately.
With this amazingly useful kit, those 3 to 4 weeks without your console will fly right by! In fact, it’s so great, you might even forget what you’re waiting for in the first place!
The RRoD Survival Kit – don’t buy a 360 without it!
Order now! Only on Xbox Live Marketplace … wait … something’s wrong here.
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Ungodly reports emerged from The Vatican today, where officials say huge portions of The King James Version of the Holy Bible, have been altered.”Since 2002, we have stored the master copy of The Good Book in electronic form, within the Vatican computer network,” said Archbishop Ivan Goranovich. “But despite our expensive defense network, someone managed to access the file, erasing and altering huge portions of the sacred text.”
Authorities, will not publicly divulge any details of their investigation, however one official close to the case, who spoke with us under the condition of anonymity, told us that the culprit accessed the Master Bible from somewhere within Electronic Arts’ Redwood campus.
“They changed a lot of stuff, but they seemed to make the majority of the edits to the book of Exodus in the Old Testament,” the official explained. “The altered all ten of the commandments. These guys really knew what they were doing”
Until such time as the original text can be found and restored, faithful followers worldwide, will have to adhere to the NEW ten commandments.
You shalt have no other Gods before me, and Trip Hawkins doesn’t exist.
Thou shalt not render any image on a Sony Product at greater than 30 frames per second.
Thou shalt not say the name “Trip Hawkins.”
Remember thy release dates and change them frequently.
Honor Thy Father and Thy mother, speaking of honor, medal of Honor Airborne comes out in September.
Thou shalt not murder. Blacklisting is okay though.
Though shalt not commit adultery. Just live out your fantasy with the latest Sims expansion pack due in stores this Christmas!
Failure to pay overtime wages is NOT stealing.
Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor, although thou may, at thy discretion, edit thy neighbor’s fact book to reflect favorably on thyself.
Though shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house or franchise. If thou likest it that much, just buyeth it and fire everyone.
What’s next? Changing the ending to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows?
Want EA to re-write your life story? Head over to our FORUMS and sound off!
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roughly translating to 3.2 careers and 1/2 of a real social life wasted.
“They changed a lot of stuff, but they seemed to make the majority of the edits to the book of Exodus in the Old Testament,” the official explained. “The altered all ten of the commandments. These guys really knew what they were doing”