Last year, we toyed with Nintendo’s trailer, questioning whether something like Wii Fit would really provide any sort of benefit or fun. Today, we’re proud to give closure to those still waiting for an answer to the question: “Does Wii Fit work?”
Starring “Dave” as the fat guy, the song was written and performed by Jeromy “Doc” Adams. the video credits go to our good buddy M-Freakin-J, who also produced videos for “How You Killed Your Brand” and “Hey Mr. Thompson“.
Support for this video came from our friends at TitanStrike.com, where gamers come to meet and compete.
The song parodies “Big Yellow Taxi” as performed by The Counting Crows and Vanessa Carlton. The original song was written by Joni Mitchell.
Please feel to embed this song on your site, and thanks, as always, for the Diggs.
Hey all you gamers and lamers out there, it’s once again time for the Super Duper Tuesday Stock Value Ticker Watch - the only place on the net to get gaming news in numerical form. Sit back, relax, and enioy the bears, bulls, and bollox.
Obesity 43 Lbs.
Joystiq informed us that Amazon.com had already sold out of their pre-order stock of WiiFit’s, not set for release until May 19th. For those of you who want the same weight-loss benefit, but at none of the cost, I recommend a healthy diet, vigorous exercise, or develop an eating disorder. (more…)
With the release of Wii Fit less than a month away in Australia, Europe, and North America, I wanted to remind you that Sarcastic Gamer has been making fun of this bathroom scale since it was announced. Here’s our look at this silly contraption that will probably sell MILLIONS of units within hours of release.
Yesterday, Nintendo announced that the US version of Wii Fit will arrive on May 19th for the price of $89.99. So, if the game is $50, which would be way too much for a mini-game collection, that’s $40 for this bathroom scale? Do the Japanese really think us Americans are that big? I know I’ve gained a few pounds over the past year or so, but I don’t think my scale needs an extra $20 of work to hold me up.
I have always wondered how doing yoga and leaning from one side to the other on a bathroom scale was supposed to make you fit. As it turns out, you’d be better off sticking to your Billy Blanks or Buns of Steel tapes.
This is it. The beginning of the end. The Wii Fit has sold a million units in Japan. The transformation is complete. Shifting your fat a$$ on a scale is now officially a game.
The end of gaming as we know it, after the jump! (more…)
It’s August 27th. Not quite the end of the year, but we figured this would be a great time to ‘recap the crap’ that has made its way to the shelves in the last 8 months.
Shadowrun
Award: Worst Usage of a License
In 1989, Shadowrun premiered as a pen-and-paper RPG (one of those nerd books). In 2007, Shadowrun premiered as a shooter with minor RPG elements. Shortly thereafter, the masses realized that the original nerd book was probably a better shooter than the video game will ever be.
I called Microsoft to see if they could do anything about the surfaced problems.
Microsoft: Welcome to the free Shadowrun support line! Because your $60 had to buy something besides dim-witted bots. How can we help you today? Matt Schmidt: Yes I’d like to know why your game is only playable for about three hours. Microsoft: Is your PC or 360 experiencing freezing or disc skipping problems? Matt: No, I just got so bored I had to turn the game off. I feel like I’ve played the same maps my entire life, but I’ve only had the game for three days. Microsoft: Oh, well our technicians are currently working on a patch for this issue, but in the meantime, we do have a workaround. Matt: What could possibly… Microsoft: Here are some tips to make the game more exciting:
Close your eyes and play with ‘severed irises’ spell
Turn the controller upside-down
Play Bioshock, but pretend you are actually playing Shadowrun
Matt: That’s absolutely ludicrous. Even more so, I saw someone going up a ladder, but they just kind of floated up it. Is this a bug or… Microsoft: *crinkles candy wrapper* …sorry….we appear to….be losing….connection… Matt: *throws phone at wall*
Wii Fit
Okay, so it’s not even out yet, but the previews speak for themselves (see our Wii Fit video). Maybe they have their marketing right, because I’m sure Wii gamers are tired of having just one exaggeratedly muscular arm.
However, it looks like I could get more exercise from doing leg lifts with the “balance board” in hand — while eating Cheetos covered in lard. Sure, it’s a great way to track progress and fool the ignorant gamer into actually moving around a bit. However, it’s nothing a scale, a spreadsheet and a picture of your gut hanging out at the family reunion couldn’t do.
The only way I would ever purchase Wii Fit is if Chuck Norris personally did an infomercial for it. I bought the Total Gym, and it is doing a great job sitting in my basement losing weight for me.
Sonic the Hedgehog
Ah, Sonic the Hedgehog games are always a breath of fresh air. Originality at its
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finest. When this game first game out, I couldn’t wait to pop it
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in and wait for the goodness to spread warmth and joy
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into my heart. But, I was greeted with a game with subpar gameplay, crappy camera angles, poor graphics, sluggish frame rates and, you guessed it, frequent and lonnnngggg loading periods. You couldn’t pay me to play the game for more than 30 minutes, and I pretty much whore myself out for everything.
Sonic the Hedgehog has never made a gracious transition to a console outside of Genesis, but for some reason, Sega keeps on trying. Why? My sources say it’s an acute case of Hedgehog Fetish.
Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter 2 – PC
Be careful folks. I am referring to the PC version of this game, which very much differs from the more ‘arcadey’ console version. PC gamers wished they had something closer to what appeared on consoles after the crap Ubisoft fed us.
The game started out fine. If you are accustomed to playing ridiculously tactical games (like the previous PC Ghost Recons), you may not notice just how hard the game can get as you progress through the levels. But even then, the downfalls are just too opaque not to recognize. Please refer to this Table of Frustration for details:
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Don’t worry fellow gamers. The end of the year has numerous titles just screaming at your wallets. Just be careful, because I heard Halo 3 was totally going to suck.
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While some outlets acted like Nintendo had cured cancer with their announcement of Wii-Fit, we were underwhelmed to say the least. That’s when we found out that the full E3 trailer was publicly available. Muahahaha.
Sarcastic Gamer humbly offers its latest Twisted Trailer:
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So let me get this straight. Nintendo wants me to use their product to get in shape.
How about if I just sit over here and laugh at the poor suckers who buy into Wii-Fit , thinking that this is a plan that they will stick to. If you want to get in shape, I recommend the following scientifically-proven regimen. Ready?
Eat less crap
Get off your ass and walk around
I know it’s a bit extreme, but it has a much better track record of working, than standing around in front of a Nintendo. Video Games, by nature, are sedentary activities. I play because it’s fun and relaxing. If the object of the “fun and relaxing” game involves me and sweat, no thanks.
Parents of fat kids are going to gobble this garbage up like Chunk-on-Baby-Ruth. Just hope they aren’t too shocked at how little that machine gets used outside the first month. But that’s the norm for most Wii owners anyway.
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43 Lbs.
It’s August 27th. Not quite the end of the year, but we figured this would be a great time to ‘recap the crap’ that has made its way to the shelves in the last 8 months.
