As if fake mustaches and kissing Rothbart’s ass wasn’t enough, we’re proud to bring you the next round in our series of sponsor competitions, ramping up to the January launch of the Sarcastic Gamer Racing league.

Be further intrigued/disturbed after the jump!

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It only took a year and a half, but Europe’s playing catch-up with America at long last with the arrival of the Video Store on the PlayStation Network.

Mernmernmernmernmern took bloody long enough. Details over the jump, as per.

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Okay, I’m not exactly sure what I was thinking.  I’ve got Modern Warfare 2, Assassin’s Creed 2, Dragon’s Age: Origins and Left4Dead 2, all rented from my local video store.  And what do I go out and do?  Drop $15 on a Xbox Live title.

Now that’s not just any XBLA title.  Gyromancer is the bastard child of a one-night stand between Square Enix and Popcap, and is their attempt at a Puzzle Quest clone.  Having conquered both Puzzle Quest and Puzzle Quest: Galatrix, I was ready to get my RPG/puzzle game on, and this just seemed to make sense for a purchase.  I mean, hearing that it was a mix of collecting a stable of creatures like Pokemon and using them in a PQ-style puzzler?  I was too intrigued to wait, or even download the demo.

So, was it worth putting off all these triple A titles so I could review it for you clowns?  Hit me after the jump and find out!

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Not really! We just used that overly controversial headline, that doesn’t really relate to this article in any meaningful sense (despite the veritable surplus of reputation-ruining exclamation points!), to … well, in all honesty, it was mainly just so we could use that exclamation point gag. Which wasn’t really a gag now we think about it. Oh dear, this is a pretty frightening insight into how we go about writing articles. And an embarrassing one, too.

But enough of that. Hit the jump!

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Activision Blizzard certainly doesn’t dillydally. As expected, the publisher and developer is already touting the massive success of Infinity Ward’s Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. A mere day after launch, the company issued a press release declaring it “the biggest launch in history across all forms of entertainment.” Bold words, but they are backed by astonishing figures.

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I never thought I’d be collecting action figures as an adult, but as game makers look to expand the profitability and influence of their franchises, many of my favorite characters are becoming plastic statuettes.

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Man, check out those graphics! Is that the Unreal 3 engine?

Author Note: Check your calendars.  It is not Friday, and this is not a Fiction Friday piece run early.  This is real.

Most of the SG staff got a curious email in their inbox today from a group calling themselves  “Prayer Works Interactive”.  Usually, we get spam email from developers with screenshots and different media resources for upcoming games.

This email went on to discuss how they were bringing an interactive church simulator to home video game consoles with the tag line: “After all, a family shouldn’t have to wait until Sunday to worship the Lord.”

Wow.  Follow me after the jump for a break down of the email.  This is hysterical.

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He is an anomaly in the Matrix, dodging your curtains of bullets and flung hand grenades with the greatest of ease.

He is Maximus, stabbing your Roman emperor ass in the middle of the arena after you thought you’d already beaten him.

He is tip-toeing into your room while you sleep, cooking off grenades and stuffing them in your nightie like some twisted version of the Tooth Fairy.  Only he’s the cooked-off-grenade-fairy.

He is The Stoned Sheep, and no one can stop him.  His unbeaten win streak has gone unchallenged…

Until now…

I want him beaten.  Just once.   I want his bullet-riddled body dragged behind a chariot in the middle of town for everyone to see.  Someone needs to take him off of his unbeaten kill streak.  And I’m offering a reward to the SG member that can bring him down.

Speaking of leaderboard, let’s take a look-see, shall we?  After the jump!

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Sarcastic Gamer has been given an inside exclusive on a Left4Dead2 story of momentous importance and significance. Sure to shock the gaming world, this news is so fresh we do not even have pictures to prove it has happened. You are just going to have to rely on something thin on the ground in these modern days of evil globe conquering Internets – that of trust.

Trust, that we at Sarcastic Gamer would not lie to you — except every Friday, where we do Fiction Friday, oh and every time we talk about Frawlz’s known whereabouts, and, um, the fact we haven’t told you that Doc has been replaced by an evil cyborg from the future, oh and also that time I told Rothbart I really did have an Atari 2000 rather than admitting a typing mistake — apart from THOSE times, we would never, EVER lie to you…well…unless we had to for some reason… But now is not one of those times!

For all the hair raising (or trimming) truths better buzz on over to the next page…

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Be honest, PSP owners: how often do you use your handheld to play games with your buddies? It’s often far too fussy to set up, game sharing isn’t very widespread and it’s extremely slow, and to be honest I don’t know a lot of people who actually own PSPs in the first place.

In Japan, where every second person is playing Monster Hunter, Sony launched a piece of software called adhocParty which let you use your PS3 as a server to connect your PSP to the world, meaning you could play any PSP game’s local multiplayer mode across the internet as if they were sitting right next to you.

It’s coming to Europe. Neat.

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No longer simply a battleground over exclusive content and third-party support, the console war now plays host to an inane slap fight for multimedia features, many of which – excluding Netflix of course – have no business on game systems. Consider Facebook, already dated for Microsoft’s Xbox 360, and reportedly – credit to Scrawlfx – coming to the XrossMediaBar. If true, it could come across as an overt “me too” move by Sony, though the publisher and developer must perceive that it will add value to its Blu-powered box, possibly attracting new clients in the process. According to those clever and often humorous commercials, “it only does everything.”

To me though, it’s just more clutter for the XMB, and yet another feature that I’ll ignore.

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God bless you, sir; you're doing the Lord's work.

It seems a game can’t release any more without pissing off one demographic or another.  Within hours of a press release over a new game, people are sharpening pitchforks and setting torches ablaze with something to be furious over.   Whether it be Left 4 Dead 2’s extensive online protest over it’s less-than-a-year after launch sequel, or Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2’s lack of dedicated PC servers, there’s always something for unsatisfied psychotics to complain about.

But, what a surprise, it looks like neither uproar did anything to slow down sales for either game.  Let’s take a look at the numbers after the jump.

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It’s amazing how quickly things can change. Take Eliminate Pro – formerly Eliminate, and LiveFire before that – as an example. Originally planned as a for-pay game, ngmoco’s online first-person shooter for the iPhone/iPod touch now sports a free-to-play model, offering a gratis download that users can support through microtransactions.  The switch followed a mid-October Apple announcement that, going forward, in-app purchases could be incorporated into any application, whether free or premium.

To me, it seemed like a risky move, as ngmoco relies on a steady stream of cash to balance content and maintain global servers. That doesn’t even touch on development costs, or any promotional expenditures. Theoretically, users could play the game without ever paying a cent.

Based on initial results though, the decision appears to be paying dividends for the mobile games company. (more…)