Come on down folks! Get your very own digital download of the soundtrack to a $60.00 game for the low low price of just $80.oo! Hurry supplies are unlimited!
I’m sad. I wanted to download the FF XIII soundtrack on iTunes tonight, the same place I buy all of my music, and they told me that Square Enix wants four more of my Andy Jacks for the honor. It’s like they WANT me to go back to the dark Internet alleyways of virus file-sharing sites to get this.
Of course you CAN order the CD version from Square Enix directly for about $30.00, if you’re into ordering your music on (yawn) CD’s then ripping them into your computer and then selling the CD on eBay. Oh these guys are going to get taken to the CLEANERS by sites like beemp3 and limewire. Most normal people simply won’t pay that much for music. I understand that the Square Enix business model depends heavily on charging a zillion dollars for a shard of crystal from an imaginary lake, but me thinks they might be just a LITTLE TOO PROUD of their precious soundtrack.
Yeah I want it. But not that bad.
It was a very poor decision by some greedy men in a far away land to financially prohibit me from buying their music the way I buy ALL of my music. Instead, I just picked up 21 outstanding tracks on the Spirited Away soundtrack for a cool 10 bucks. Almost as awesome… 1/8th the price.
We, the staff of Sarcastic Gamer hold these truths to be self-evident that all DLC shall be judged equally, regardless of its developer. It is the right of every gamer to not be overcharged for said DLC, and should price gouging occur, it will be mocked heavily.
Since about January, I have been salivating for some new Modern Warfare 2 multiplayer maps. Then there was an announcement… HELLS YEAH NEW MAPS! Then there was another announcement… OH WTF? $15 for 5 maps, 2 of which are refurbished from CoD4. Activision won’t get $15 of my dollars for such a light DLC pack.
Nay.
The staff of Sarcastic Gamer would rather spend $15 on crap like this than provide an incentive to Activision to juice us like a Tropicana orange.
Porn (At least I’d be get something out of being virtually screwed)
A 3rd headlamp for my car
Insurance on the insurance Gamestop sold me for my last game purchase
A hug from a bum
3 $5 foot longs from Subway (hopefully the checks in the mail)
Make it rain at the club with 15 $1 bills
Roughly 8 lbs of circus peanuts
Membership in the Team Edward Fan club
Watch two bums fight
Get a bikini wax (ouch)
A Hanna Montana wig
Snacks for a Corey Haim memorial party
Lotto Tickets (at least there’s a chance it’ll be worth the money)
5 dollas to make you holla 3 times
So, unless Activision has a change of heart and lowers the price, or there’s a half priced Modern Warfare 2 weekend the day after the DLC is released, it looks like there’s a very interesting and expensive scavenger hunt in our future.
SG Buddy Sean Hollister tipped us on a developing story over on Nintendo Gal. Apparently, the FREE demo for Monster Hunter Tri (Wii) will only be given to those who put $5.00 towards a preorder. (INSERT OBLIGATORY COMMENT ABOUT DEMOS BEING INTENDED TO ALLOW A GAMER TO EVALUATE A GAME BEFORE MAKING A PURCHASING DECISION AND THE IDIOCY OF CHARGING FOR ONE HERE)
While Capcom and Gamestop aren’t returning emails, a bunch of good old fashioned detective work by the NG community turned up some pretty convincing evidence of a nationwide scandal that, if proven, could upend the enormous amount of trust that gamers have come to place in the Gamestop organization.
Sorry, I’ll pay $5.00 for a demo about the same time I fork over $15.00 for 3 new maps in MW2. Seems like game execs and retailers alike have all been over-sampling the Greedy Punch.
Ever wake up one day and realize a friend of yours probably tricked you into playing a game you would otherwise have passed on? Yeah? It just happened to me too.
Sunday afternoon, after ingesting far too many BW3 wings and a leg-lamps-worth of beer, Dave and I moseyed into (evil music here) Gamestop to peruse the wares. To make a non-story short, I asked Dave if he’d heard any of our peeps react to FF XIII to which he said he heard it was good. I mentioned that I might play it, to which Dave guffawed. “You’d never like a game like that Doc. It’s got too much going on. Just wait for Just Cause 2 and play with parachutes.”
Like Hell.
I bought that game (PS3) and marched home to prove Dave wrong.
Now I’m 6 hours into a truly epic video game, one of the best I have ever played, and despite ZERO RPG pedigree, I’m holding my own.
Final Fantasy XIII doesn’t require that you know the back-story. It doesn’t require you to evaluate decisions in your life on mental 12-sided dice. Just bring your imagination and leave every other game you’ve ever played in your brain’s attic. I’ve never played ANYTHING like this.
The real-time combat system could be overwhelming but Square Enix don’t hit you with the massive array options all at once. I’m fully 6 hours into the game and I’m STILL taking occasional (skipable) tutorials and adding to my RPG skill sets. Where at first I struggled to understand the difference in attacks and abilities, now I’m swapping paradigms and casting spells with the best of them. All because Dave basically dared me to.
This isn’t a review of Final Fantasy XIII. I think that’s a job best left to another team member with a bit more experience in the RPG genre.
But if you’re like me, having never really considered yourself an RPG player, being so late to the FF franchise that you think you’d be lost jumping in at episode 13… don’t.
Turn on your PS3 (or pile all 3 of the discs into your Xbox) crank up the surround sound, turn down the lights and prepare to be simultaneously blown away, and sucked in by a video game masterpiece. This game just might open a door for you as it did for me.
If you’d like to join me in a discussion of Final Fantasy XIII join our community and hit this thread.
A wise man once said, “Son of a building block!” That was actually something I uttered myself a short time ago that somehow leads into this article. For the past few days I have been vacationing in Central America to visit the family, and finally experience the world outside the United States. It’s been quite the interesting adventure. The heat is awful, the streets are constantly crowded with people, and there are vendors at every corner trying to make enough change to bring back to the household. Everyone here enjoys the simple things because that is all they can afford. This trip has opened my eyes quite a bit. Especially when I tried to cross a one-lane street that magically turned into a five-lane Frogger game.
Thus stems the inspiration for this call to arms, so to speak. We as gamers must support each other better to become more practical. There are people out there that cannot even participate in the world of gaming because they don’t have the resources most of us do. Resources we sometimes take for granted. So I propose some methods to help with this quest of being more considerate of what we have, while being smart with our money:
(1) Stop giving in to those giants like Gamestop, they don’t understand us!
This topic is a frequent gripe amongst gamers. People always feel ripped off when they venture into a Gamestop to sell their games because they barely get 25% of their original expenses back. When conducting trades, the customer usually gives 3 great games to receive half-off a preorder. That hardly seems fair when you visit that same Gamestop later in the week only to find your games at regular used prices, yet in your pocket you barely have enough money to buy a shirt.
While Gamestop and some other giants seem convenient, you as a gamer should get more bang for your buck. Do your internet research before heading to your local rip-off chain. You deserve to get your money’s worth every time you make a transaction regarding a game. After all, you’re usually putting $50 or more on the line! Just remember how much you’re making an hour; does it balance out for you?
(2) Stop being greedy and spoiled, become charitable!
Before I go into detail on this, please be warned that giving others your games may not be tax deductible.
At this point I’m sure your parents have stopped reading over your shoulder, so I can continue. Well, about the hidden unlockable sex scene in…
Anyway, this is where the “gamer unison” part comes in. Don’t be scared to be generous once in a blue moon. When you look at your dusty gaming collection and see titles you know you will never play again, why not pass it on? It’ll actually give you a warm feeling inside when you see someone receive an unexpected present that used to be your paperweight. Gifts on special occasions are great, spontaneous treats are better. By giving unwanted games away you chose not to sell, you’re helping the recipient save money and are making yourself feel good (Ego boost FTW).
(3) Stop abusing your systems and games, they’re people too! Wait, what?
Xbox 360 owners are familiar with the term RROD, the red ring of death, and PS3 owners have an equivalent yellow light of death. Both mean the systems have overheated and are no longer functional. Though sometimes it is inevitable, here is a prevention tip that can probably help you: TURN OFF THE SYSTEM! How hard is it to press the power button? Not leaving your system on for days guarantees a longer lifespan, saving you time and money in the long run. Take care of that hunk of plastic; you’re lucky you don’t have to play on a Funstation (I didn’t know those existed until today)!
Another aspect to pay attention to is how you treat your games. If the game developers didn’t care how their games were treated, every game would come in a paper sleeve. But the hard plastic cases are a sign they give a damn, so maybe you should too. It’s understandable you as a male gamer are probably too lazy to clean your room and are waiting for your mom to deal with the fungus that talks to you at night, but try to be considerate.
Stop leaving the discs on the corner of your desk or on top of the TV. Don’t use them as coasters or Frisbees. And if you get hungry, there are tastier things underneath the couch. Unless you like buying the same games over and over, which by all means I won’t stop you from paying your patronage to the gaming gods (I know a great place for sacrificial goats).
Disclaimer: Sarcastic Gamer is not liable for any food-poisoning related incidents after the posting of this article.
If you’ve stuck with me this far, simply remember to be kind and rewind. Oh wait, that’s not it. Seriously, we as gamers need to be more sensible with what we are privileged to. In some places, adolescents would kill to have an escape like the one gaming gives us (Seriously). We must be smart with our money and be grateful by taking care of what we have. So, now every time you spend hours on Battlefield Bad Co. 2 you can say, “I play for those kids who can’t.” I made you a humanitarian = Brownie points.
An SG Artview is slightly different to your standard preview or review. It spends no time discussing gameplay or any of the functional aspects of a game but instead skews heavily towards looking at a game’s graphics and the artistic influences that lead to the final look at the game.
We are going to be looking at Super Street Fighter IV’s concept art and new character artwork. In doing so I hope to reveal some of the historical cultural references that have influenced the iconic look of the world’s favourite fighting game.
Page 2 - Introduction – A lot of Character
Page 3 -Super Street Fighter Artwork – The Return of Old friends
Page 4 -SSF Artwork - A New Challenger • Ibuki Exploded View • The Artist
Page 5 - Artistic Influences – Anime
Page 6 – Artistic Influences – Ink & Wash
-:-
Step this way for your own guided tour through the Art of fighting…
Why should you read this article? “Yoshifett Buys a PS3, Moves To Dark Side” How boring is THAT going to be? What could you possibly gain (aside from a few grins and perhaps even a literal “lol”) from reading my account of my PS3 acquisition and subsequent usage? Haven’t you heard this story before? Aren’t the internets (which happen to be, as most of you know, serious business) full of these sorts of articles? “I bought a PS3! Read my stupid dumb face article!” is a common headline these days. Why would you read my specific account? You should skip this one, right?
No, you shouldn’t. You should continue to read, and I’ll tell you why.
I have a story. No, I have a damned parable about the perils of fanboyism and the triumph of quality gaming over prejudice. This is not a narrative you’ve heard before. This is a pathetically epic story of a man’s irrational battle with his imaginary demons.
When I was just a lil’ tyke, back in the sweet-ass late-‘80s, I used to ride my sister’s pink scooter (shut up, I know you’ve done lamer things to play video games, especially when you were ten) over to my friend’s house every day to worship at the altar of the NINTENDO ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM. You know? The one true system. Even at the tender age of ten, I understood brand loyalty all-too well. Though I had an Atari, I never felt any real attachment to it. While Nintendo was my first true video game love, Atari was more like my first true video game stripper.
Thus, when companies like Sega attempted to challenge the mistress of my video game puberty, the first signs of ugly fanboy rage appeared, much like unsightly pubescent body hair. I decried Sega’s chances for success, and even though I had no idea what “decried” meant back then, I was decrying like crazy. I knew, I FREAKING KNEW, that Nintendo ruled all, and that everything they did was by definition better than what everyone else could ever dream of doing. When Sega fizzled out, I wasn’t surprised nor worried. In other words, do you remember how cocky Patriots fans were before the New York Super bowl loss? That was me, and Nintendo was the Patriots.
If you’re still reading this article (and I know you are because you’re awesome – keep those sideburns, by the way), you’re probably wondering “What in the hell does this have to do with buying a PS3?” What does it have to do with that? EVERYTHING! According to my memory, I was similarly dismissive of the so-called “PlayStation” when it came out. It looked like something that old people would’ve bought and never fully understood, like a cheap DVD player. Then, it seemed, overnight, Sony was dominating the console war and the runner-up was not King Nintendo, but Microsoft.
From that moment, my hatred for Sony knew no bounds, obeyed no commands, and slew many women. I couldn’t believe that stupid CD player thing for Grandpa was beating my beloved N64/GameCube. I felt that Sony was a violent predator that had inappropriately assaulted the video game world in its red-light areas. It had destroyed an icon. My god was in ruins, and I lost my way.
The Xbox got a pass, largely because of Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. Fortunately for Microsoft, not only was my childhood being ruined by Nintendo’s demise, George Lucas was humping the Star Wars mythos like my dog on the leg of a stranger. Knights of the Old Republic wiped away so many bad memories, I ignored the fact that Microsoft, just like Sony, was just a corporation trying to get in on the gaming market and make Nintendo obsolete. Freakin’ Jar Jar.
Finally, I was fully committed to the Xbox 360. I had settled down with a nice girl, and there was no way that I was giving her up just because every few months she broke down, started to cry with RRoD red rings around her eyes and had to go home for a few weeks to “recover.” People tried to show me that “Hey, the PS2 is fun too!” or “The PS3 will have awesome games soon, buy it for $599 at launch!” but I was completely unwilling to look at that cold Sony bitch. She was an ex-lover I never had in the first place.
Finally, though, after reflecting upon all of this nonsense, I decided to buy a PS3. Why? WHY?Because I was an irrational fanboy who was missing out on a buttload of cool games because of a grudge that started twenty years ago when I wore multicolored shorts and neo shirts featuringMario!!!
I like my PS3. But I won’t bore you with that story. I have a feeling you’ve heard it before. Don’t you feel like your life is better for having read this article? I know it is for me.
Admit it. When you heard about the recent week-long PSN outage (that’s how long it lasted, right?), you reflected on the ridiculously high rate at which Xbox 360s spontaneously stop working and read about the inane, childish bickering at Infinity Ward, you had one thought and one thought only: GET ME A WII NOW!
Though the Wii has long been derided as the black sheep of this generation of consoles, it is becoming clearer with each passing year that Nintendo is the only company that actually cares if its customers enjoy the time they spend playing video games. Microsoft just wants you to enter your credit card number one more time, and Sony is out to forcibly sodomize all of your pets.
How many stories have you read about the Wii’s dreaded “Pink light of failure”? The answer is none, because they’re no such thing as the dreaded “Pink light of failure.” I just made it up. See how easy that was?
Also, the Wii doesn’t break. That’s why there’s no cute name for its failure. It doesn’t fail. It is built with such love and care by the good folks at Nintendo that it is literally unbreakable, like Bruce Willis in that movie “Unbreakable.” When you put Super Mario Galaxy into your Wii, you don’t have to perform a series of strange rituals to the unseen god of video games in the hope that you will actually get to play the game. You just play it.
Another impressive, yet often ignored, aspect of the Wii is the way in which Nintendo’s system immerses you in their games. What is more immersive than motion control gaming? You are literally performing actions that are perfectly mimicked by the characters on screen. You aren’t going to see that on any other system.
You know what else is supposed to immerse you in video games? Cut scenes. Cut scenes, however, are a terrible plague upon the gaming industry. You sit and watch a pre-rendered clip. Occasionally they throw you a quick-time-event-bone, but it’s always disgusting and you get the feeling that another dog has already chewed on it before you. How is that immersive?
If I wanted to watch pre-rendered CGI clips, I’d go see Avatar or get a Pixar film off of Netflix. That way, the voice acting, writing, and graphics would actually be good, and not just an unnecessary interruption of an interactive medium. You can’t possibly tell me that the endless cut scenes in MGS4 made you feel more a part of the game than when you bowled a strike on Wii sports. I guess you can tell me that, but you’re lying to me and making baby Jesus angry.
If none of this has convinced you (how you could remain unconvinced at this point is a mystery), remember that resisting the Wii is a fruitless and futile action. Last year, the Wii sold 9.6 million units in America, which was more than the combined sales of the Xbox 360 and the PS3. That’s ridiculous.
Every year is supposedly “The Year of the PS3,” yet it never happens, just like all of those end-of-the-world prophecies. How many times have those been right? Zero times, that’s how many times.
You may attempt (pointlessly) to argue that the Wii is slowing down, and that’s it’s just a passing fad. The Wii sold 3.8 million units in December in the U.S., which set a new record for single-month sales. That’s slowing down? Interestingly this was also the first month EVER that the PS3 sold more than 1 million units. Isn’t that adorable?
Many of us grew up with Nintendo as the leader of gaming excellence. And guess what? That time has returned. They still consistently deliver fun games, and their console actually works when it’s supposed to! Think about this while you wander the lonely corridors of Sony’s “Home,” or wait for your Xbox 360 to return from Microsoft’s repair center – yet again.
Author’s Note: In the spirit of full-disclosure, I should mention that I gave my Nintendo Wii to my sister because I never, ever used it.
I remember with startling clarity the moment I was introduced to Bioshock, by way of the demo. Never before, and never since, have I been so instantly enamored with a game. First Person Shooter is not my favorite genre of gaming, in large part because the story always seems to be an afterthought. From the first moments of that stunningly powerful demo, I knew that Bioshock’s heart WAS its story.
And this wasn’t just any story; it was a story based on philosophy and the writings of Ayn Rand, a certifiable genius. Within minutes I knew this game would blend my three favorite things, philosophy, literature, and killing people with electricity, into a power shake of gaming gusto. As usual, I wasn’t wrong.
The game, as all of our readers who don’t drag their knuckles on the ground when they walk already know, turned out to be fascinatingly intellectual, viscerally thrilling, and physically arousing. Well, maybe not that last one, but the game kicked ass on so many levels that I had to think of new levels that I had previously ignored. The conclusion was intensely satisfying, and one came away with the feeling that they were a better person simply because they had played a video game.
This is why I will never play Bioshock 2.
You see, Bioshock was all that was necessary. Often we hear writers pay lip service to the idea that they “do what the story tells them” or that a character “acts that way because of the story,” but most of us can see that this is only a pretentious way for a writer to avoid explaining how they came up with their ideas.
There’s a good reason for this: why someone comes up with this idea or that idea for a story is usually pretty boring. Basically, they thought it was a cool direction for the story, and they went in that direction. That’s it. Apparently, it’s more interesting when they spout a cliché about “following the story’s spiritual river” instead.
For all this talk of understanding story, the people at 2K couldn’t possibly care less about their own story if they decided to make a sequel to Bioshock. That game told a specific story that had a middle, beginning, and definite end. Rapture was a failed experiment, and you had salvaged what you could from a ruined civilization. You saved little girls. (That still doesn’t sound right, does it?) Even if you were “bad” and harvested the little sisters, the ending implied a kind of “Little Sister Zombie Apocalypse” and I’m pretty sure that’s not what happens in Bioshock 2.
Furthermore, the first game did something that I’d never seen before; it addressed the arbitrary and random nature of the tasks we performed in video games BY HAVING US PERFORM ARBITRARY AND RANDOM TASKS. To me, this brilliant bit was as shocking (“Would you kindly suck my balls?”), as the infamous “I am your father” scene from The Empire Strikes Back.
In fact, I would argue that Bioshock’s twist was more groundbreaking since it pointed the finger squarely back at the gamer and said “You only do these stupid things in games because we tell you to.” And we kept doing them. This forced us all to think about gaming while gaming. What are the chances that Bioshock 2 has something as amazing as this to hang its hat on? If you said, “None at all,” then you win a sackboy. Not really. Please don’t e-mail me about that.
So, I will not play Bioshock 2. I will not play it in a box. I will not play it with a fox. Start from scratch, 2K, and get back to me when you come up with a new idea.
All the cute shots of Samus Aran is not going to save this game.
If you’re anything like me, there’s a part of you that wants Nintendo to succeed. They more or less started the video game “industry” as we know it today, so now that they’ve been reduced to little more than a family mini-game factory, it crushes a part of my soul.
Last year at E3, when it was announced that Metroid: Other M was being produced by the Team Ninja guys, I couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. This obviously was Nintendo’s attempt to throw a bone to the hardcore folks: “Hey, quit complaining, we’re getting the Ninja Gaiden team to make our next Metroid game! Suck on that!”
Well, if you’re a video game fanatic like me, you listen to a lot of major gaming podcasts. All this week, I’ve been listening to a majority of the news outlets who attended last week’s Nintendo First Quarter Happy Release Convention Thing (don’t know the actual name of the event; fact checking is for suckers) talk about their initial impressions following hands-on time with the game.
Here’s the correct sequence that you know you’ve got a great game coming:
Podacster A: “Oh, hey, you got a chance to play Metroid while you were there; what did you think?”
Podcaster B: (immediate and overloud response) “Wow, holy sh3t. Podcaster A, wait until you get this game in your hot little hands.”
Here’s how at least three podcasts I listened to described M: OM.
Podcaster A: “Oh, hey, you got a chance to play Metroid while you were there; what did you think?”
Podcaster B: (long pause followed with a nervous laugh)…well, I don’t know. It seemed…pretty okay?
A lot of people thought this game was going to really be the break out game for Nintendo to get it’s ass into the adult gamer market and not tank like Madworld. This was going to show the world that Nintendo could still sit at the big boy table at Thanksgiving. Well, if the initial impressions from the major media outlets are any indication, Metroid: Other M, is going to be terrible.
These enemy podcasts would talk about Samus’ too-high girl voice not fitting that of a hardened bounty hunter. They would detail how you are forced to rotate the Wii remote to fire missiles, at which time you are immobile and getting beat on. They talk about there’s no actual ability for Samus to freakin’ aim when she fires, and that she just automatically targets the nearest thing to her. All the while, there’s a sense that they want to blast the hell out of the game, but they’re trying to be nice and remaining optimistic like they’re talking about the nice neighbor boy who’s just a little slow.
Well, take a look at the latest non-gameplay trailer. Does this get you excited about Metroid? I mean, come on, what is this, Final Fantasy? I like storyline more than most, but I don’t need to hear some coming-of-age tale from Samus. If it’s a great military story, so be it, but come on.
