Matt 'Volkov' Schmidt

  

 


Fiction Friday Hall of Fame: Tommy Vercetti Loves His Facebook

April 1st, 2009 · 3 Comments

When Tommy Vercetti isn’t on his Facebook, he’s on his MySpace.

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Tags: Parody News

Fiction Friday Hall of Fame: World of Warcraft Deleted: Blizzard to Thank

April 1st, 2009 · 2 Comments

by Matt Schmidt
“What?!?” 27 year old Tony Johnston shouted, tears streaming down his face, “What the #$!& is going on?!?”Millions of gamers rose out of their Cheeto-dust-covered bed sheets this morning, only to find that their World of Warcraft accounts have suddenly gone AWOL. The world of Azeroth, once covered in a plethora of Night [...]

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Tags: Parody News

AMD Boasts about Super-Great-Amazing-Deluxe-GPU

June 19th, 2008 · 2 Comments

It’s been a long time since proccessor pundits at AMD have had something to brag about. Both their CPUs, and now their GPUs (gobbled up from ATI), have had to wait in the shadows of Intel and Nvidia’s enourmous performance and sales leads.
But, the dawn of a new era is here, or at least that’s [...]

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Tags: News · PC

EA Receives 4th Buyout Rejection from Take-Two

June 18th, 2008 · 6 Comments

Electronic Arts: Hey Take-Two, are you sure you don’t want to go back to my place in Redwood, and consummate our shareholder love?
Take-Two: You dirty pig! You are devaluing my body. I bought these two bigger “assets” with some surplus GTA4 profits. Now I don’t need your chump change!
EA: Cmonnnn baby, I’m not as evil [...]

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Tags: News

Northwest Airlines to Provide In-Flight Wii Gaming

June 13th, 2008 · 11 Comments

Starting next month, browsing the infinite product wisdom of the Sky Mall catalogue won’t be the only form of free entertainment on passenger airplanes. Northwest Airlines and Nintendo have partnered up to subsidize Wii consoles for every row of seats, including coach, which NWA officials concluded as a “flawless idea”.
Safety belts will now serve two [...]

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Tags: News

Captain Obvious says: In-Game Advertising Doesn’t Work

May 28th, 2008 · 6 Comments

Advertising in the middle of a video game isn’t the dumbest idea anyone has ever had. Cheese-less cheeseburgers for vegans took that crown. Still – it’s pretty far up on the disaster list.
Alex St John, CEO of WildTangent (former spyware-spewing jerks), knows a thing or two about making money from video games. He quadrupled his [...]

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Tags: News

LIARS – Bioshock Coming to PS3

May 22nd, 2008 · 10 Comments

Liar, liar, pants on fire! Ken Levine is a dirty stinkin’ two-faced pencil pusher!
OK…maybe he didn’t lie outright. They could have started development much later. BUT, 2K games was still denying Bioshock PS3 three months after the game came out for PC and 360. Do I feel deceived? Not really. 2KGames is spreading the Bioshock [...]

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Tags: News

Five Ways a 360 Controller Can Enhance Your PC Gaming Experience

May 19th, 2008 · 16 Comments

For the past 15 years, the mouse and keyboard have ruled my heart with an iron fist. I found out this weekend that a good gamepad can enhance your gaming experience ten-fold, even if your thumbs may get a little raw. What? I haven’t built up a hard callus, like you console punks.
When a Xbox [...]

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Tags: Editorial · PC · Xbox 360

Is Electronic Arts Turning Over a New Leaf?

May 14th, 2008 · 3 Comments

The Developer Gobbler. The Consumer Crusher. The Franchise Obliterator.
If EA had a nickname in college, it would probably be a combination of all three. But in the past two months or so, Electronic Arts has made a couple public decisions that lean away from their evil side. Are they trying to change for the better, [...]

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Tags: News

Super Duper Tuesday Stock Value Ticker Watch – 5/13

May 13th, 2008 · 6 Comments

Feeling a little blue? How about investing a little green into the Super Duper Tuesday Stock Value Ticker Watch? I accept all major credit cards, concealed cash, personal checks, livestock, intergalactic credits, or first born children.
Piracy102 Terrabytes
Electronic Arts would love for you to think their recent ‘removal’ of SecuROM DRM from Mass Effect and Spore [...]

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Tags: News · PC · PSP · PlayStation 3 · Wii · Xbox 360

Doom 4 Revealed / Bioshock Movie Announced

May 9th, 2008 · 9 Comments

Who needs to think of a creative title either? When you put this week’s two biggest stories in gaming right in the same article, the blog writes itself.
A new Doom game, and a movie based on killing little girls? Hell. Yes.

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Tags: News

Windows XP SP3 News Update and Hamsters…. Wha?

May 7th, 2008 · 5 Comments

What?!? Another Service Pack for a Microsoft product? I was under the heavy impression that Steve Ballmer’s minions didn’t make mistakes, or else they are forced into rubbing baby oil on his over-sized forehead. It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it (writing code, not lubing Steve up).

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Tags: News · PC

Super Duper Tuesday Stock Value Ticker Watch – 5/6

May 6th, 2008 · 4 Comments

Hey all you gamers and lamers out there, it’s once again time for the Super Duper Tuesday Stock Value Ticker Watch – the only place on the net to get gaming news in numerical form. Sit back, relax, and enioy the bears, bulls, and bollox.
Obesity 43 Lbs.
Joystiq informed us that Amazon.com had already sold out [...]

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Tags: News · PlayStation 3 · Wii · Xbox 360