“My life is pretty straight forward… literally,” said Lightning, a level 2 Commando/Ravager who moonlights occasionally as a medic when things get really dire.  “I feel like all I ever do lately is run straight ahead and fight things.”

In a rare interview opportunity, Sarcastic Gamer caught up with the Pulse L’Cie on an exquisitely prerendered cliff overlooking a massive expanse of world that she would never be allowed to explore.

“It’s not like I’m asking for much, you know?” said Lightning.  “But would it be too much to ask, as I enter what I feel is roughly the fourth or fifth Chapter of my life, to come upon a fork in the road?  A road less traveled?  Hell a wide field I could walk on one side of?”

Since departing her home of Cocoon, Lightning and her comrades have traveled more than 200 real-world miles in the straight forward direction, fighting the same creatures approximately every 326 feet.

Her battle mates are very concerned about the heroine.

“She’s not eating enough and is getting way to thin,” said Hope, a nearly useless member of the team who needs to admit he’s really a girl.  “Ever since that Fal’Cie turned her sister into an ashtray, she’s been really short with everyone.  It’s like… there’s something bothering her, but I can’t figure it out.”

“We play a game to keep our sanity,” said Sazh, a fashion-challenged middle-aged black man who enjoys hanging around with young white girls (and Hope) and hosts a chicken in his uncharacteristically flimsy Afro.  “Once we finish a fight, we like to strike a pose like this… uh!… and then we run on ahead of her, straight in front of enemies that don’t even attack us.  Haha!  It’s a gas to see her get so mad!”

“It really pisses me off,” said Lightning.  “I saw Sazh run right up to 3 Cockatrice who just stood there!  If I come within 20 feet of one they perk up and charge!  I can’t help but feel I’m being punk’d.  I swear to God if we finish this quest and I found out my Focus is cleaning out a Gigantoad cage, I’m going to cast Fira right up Ashton Kutcher’s ass!”

The team, while originally optimistic, are now beginning to hope that initial estimates of a 30-hour quest were exaggerated.

“If we don’t get to make a choice soon, I’m quittin this bitch, straight up,” said Sazh.