In the cradle of human civilization, the Macedonians had a saying: “It doesn’t matter if you suck rotten donkey balls, so long as sucking rotten donkey balls brings you joy.”
This prophetic proverb clearly spoke of Modern Warfare 2, or as we like to call it, “Running into Bullets with Friends – The Non-Lethal Home Edition.”
People so often throw around the word “noob” as an insult; Smelly Pirate and I are here to dispel this notion, and encourage you to embrace your inner suck.
Enough foreplay – let’s plunge right into the silky soft world of MW2 noobery.
Tip #1 – Cast your preconceived concept of winning out the proverbial window, because as a noob, you must alter your competitive paradigm to accommodate your staggering ineptitude (Tip #1.5 – use big words to compensate for your staggering ineptitude).
Tip #2 – Clearly, the safest parts of the maps are on the periphery, behind embankments or perched high in the tops of buildings. Avoid these areas. The only thing you will find in these areas is shelter from dangerous munitions. Instead, run directly toward the middle of the map, leaving yourself open to snipers that will pump your lifeless body full of lead from multiple angles.
Tip #3 – Understanding the strengths and weakness of various weapons is hard. Don’t waste any time trying to figure it out. Just play with whatever weapons have the coolest sounding names. The SCAR is a good example. Who doesn’t want to kill people with a gun called the SCAR? If there are people out there like that, I don’t want to know about them.
Tip #4 – Your teammates are morons. All of them. Stay away from them. They can’t help you, and most likely, they don’t like you at all. They created a special language, or code, just so they can make fun of you during in-game chat. You think they are really calling in a UAV? They are not. They are calling you a pathetic freak. If you stay near your teammates, they will only hate you more, so once again you should just run towards the open areas of the maps.
Tip #5 – When you see an enemy, really take your time to aim. No reason to rush. You have plenty of time. Slow down and really think about what you are doing. Do you REALLY WANT to shoot your “enemy”? What did he ever do to you? Isn’t it more glorious to die in combat than callously kill another human being?
Be the bigger person – take the bullet.
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Finally a multiplayer guide I can use…. Thanks for the tips guys
This is a little to convoluted for my liking. I think you should dumb it down even more for me to really get the gist of it.
Best article on SG in a long while.
I usually find that shooting the sky is extremely helpful. It usually brings the enemy right to you!
Yeah, I agree. I find tracing scenery with your iron sights a pretty effective tactic as well. Gotta think outside the box.
I couldnt help but nod and agree at everything you said, these are my only tactics on mw2, as well as spraying with the rpd and running around with c4. Awesome article… Again.
Yoshi thank you this was a huge help maybe now I can get past level 20.