If there’s one thing we learned at our compulsory two hour writing course entitled “You Can Be Funny Too: On Your Way to Making Readers Laugh”, it’s that the hottest articles don’t always have to feature the hottest scoops. It’s a bit like trying to prepare warm ice cream: you don’t have to heat up the delicious frigidity itself; you can simply toast the cone underneath. Owing to the freezing point of ice cream being, well … inconvenient, both methods produce terrible results (it just melts!), but we still feel this analogy makes several salient points:

• Ice cream melts when you heat it up.
• If you heat up ice cream, it will melt.
• Melted ice cream results from heating.
• Melted ice cream isn’t very nice.
• Ice cream.

It was these points, combined with an inexplicable eagerness to mention ice cream as frequently as possible in just one day, that led to this article’s creation. But deviating from all things enthralling wasn’t the only thing we were taught. Oh no. “Substance must feature in everything you write”, the course instructor barked about one hour into the session. It was good advice, so we took it on board and promised ourselves to use it as often as is socially acceptable; that’s how we roll, you see. We also roll by providing exemplars of brilliant journalistic techniques, and that’s exactly what we’re about to do now. Here is a demonstration of how to feature substance “in everything you write”: let’s get to the meat.

1. Call of Duty: World at War Map Pack 1
2. Call of Duty: World at War Map Pack 2
3. Call of Duty: World at War Map Pack 3
4. FIFA 09 Gold Pack
5. Final Fantasy VII
6. Battlefield 1943
7. Fat Princess
8. MARVEL VS. CAPCOM 2
9. Flower
10. Mortal Kombat II

What you have just read is a top ten list. A top ten list about the PlayStation Network. A top ten list about the best selling, premium downloads available on the PlayStation Network. A top ten list about the best selling, premium downloads available on the PlayStation Network in 2009. A top ten list about … oh, that’s the last one.

And that’s the third modicum of knowledge that was imbibed: always end of a comical comment that is preceded by ellipses … hmm, vanilla or strawberry?

Source: Joystiq

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