Man, check out those graphics! Is that the Unreal 3 engine?
Author Note: Check your calendars. It is not Friday, and this is not a Fiction Friday piece run early. This is real.
Most of the SG staff got a curious email in their inbox today from a group calling themselves “Prayer Works Interactive”. Usually, we get spam email from developers with screenshots and different media resources for upcoming games.
This email went on to discuss how they were bringing an interactive church simulator to home video game consoles with the tag line: “After all, a family shouldn’t have to wait until Sunday to worship the Lord.”
Wow. Follow me after the jump for a break down of the email. This is hysterical.
The whole staff sent this back and forth to each other, thinking this was someone’s idea for a joke. But then again, why not? Christians are one of the biggest demographics out there, and let’s face it: none of those Left Behind games are really burning up monthly sales numbers.
So let’s break down this email, line by glorious line.
Mass: We Pray is the first of many worship-themed games in development for Prayer Works Interactive. Just like with any videogame, families can use a television as a monitor to play.
Yes. Just like with any video game, you can use a television…like a television. And the first of many worship-themed games? Oh, goodie. Are you doing a Benny Hinn over-the-top faith healing simulator? Or maybe a Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker simluator, where you play a over-righteous televangelist with his own theme park who then cheats on his wife and goes to jail for fraud and conspiracy charges? I want to see those games.
Then, they can use the CROSS, a proprietary, wireless, cross-shaped controller to participate in 24 unique and exhilarating rituals. Make the Sign of the Cross, sprinkle Holy Water, take Collection and even give Holy Communion. Every motion and nuance of a blessing or ritual is detected in three dimensions and replicated on-screen.
A cross-shaped controller? Boy, and I thought the DJ Hero turntable was going to be a one-trick pony; what other game would you use that controller for? Maybe a new Castlevania game? There’s no mention of which console this is for, but I can only imagine it’s the same console they’re selling to nursing homes and getting the elderly to go bowling.
As they play, gamers collect Grace points. Then they can trade them in to unlock the Holy Mysteries. It’s entertaining, educational and enlightening.
Oh, I’m entertained, all right. That’s right, unlockables for going to church.
To get off the couch and into the action, add the KNEELER, a pressure-sensitive accessory that allows gamers to kneel or genuflect just as they would in Church.
Wow, there is seven types of silliness in that sentence alone. Get off the couch into the action? And another special accessory for this game? Good lord, they’re making the Guitar Hero series look like a steal with all the plastic crap they’re forcing the good Christian church goer to shell out for.
To extend the experience even further, download the Seven Sacraments and Holy Rituals Expansion Pack featuring: Ash Wednesday, Confession, Holy Procession, Transubstantiation and much, much more.
Aw yeah! Already announcing downloadable content before launch? That’s dope. Man, I hope there are Nazi Zombies in this one.
According to the founders of Prayer Works Interactive, “Families shouldn’t be scared of videogames. Just like television and radio before that, it’s not the medium that’s dangerous; it’s how you use it. Mass: We Pray is proof that videogames can be used to spread the Good Word.”
Yes, you should save your fear for important things. Like those “pesky homosexuals” and their grenade spamming ways.
Prayer Works Interactive is a new game-development company founded in Boston in 2007. We believe there is a lack of quality games based upon traditional family values. Our mission is to fill that void by creating engaging, top-quality games that entertain, inspire and bring families closer to the Lord.
Well, consider that void filled.
I’ll tell you what. You see this rig set up in the house of a family that you know, you should probably start making excuses as to why you can’t go over to their house for dinner anymore. As a matter of fact, consider staying far away from that house unless you want to have uncomfortable weekly conversations about Jesus or Promise Keepers.
As requested, here’s the link to this video gaming atrocity.
http://www.masswepray.com/
Popularity: 1% [?]
I take offense to the way that you responded to those little blocks of text, yes it is funny, but some of those rebuttals went just a little too far to be entirely funny.
Could you find some information on the actual company for me to read please? As I Google the ONLY references to it that I can find are you and a few others that received the same email as well as people regurgitating your report… since you don’t provide a link to their website… or any real proof that they exist beyond an email you received… I would say you were either taken for a ride or the current line reading “Author Note: Check your calendars. It is not Friday, and this is not a Fiction Friday piece run early. This is real.” was actually a lie.
Thanx in advance.
http://www.masswepray.com/
Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.
Wow… is it me or are they all white?
Praise the lord!
Come on Frawlz, you know only white people go to church.
yeah but there’s those churchs you see with black people with those awesome vicurs that make church fun by singing really cool church like songs. Better then singing the old boring church hyms.
Wow….that’s all I can think right now. I can see what Pulviriza was saying, as not all christians are of the crazy “send me 10 dollars so I can heal you with my magic towel” variety. I’m a christian, and proud of it, and while you can send me 10 dollars, you won’t be getting anything back (maybe brutal legend, man that game made me angry) That said, this is just hilarious! I can’t believe the cross controller, but the kneeler! I just can’t help but shake my head. This is why people think we’re crazy. I have no problem with people using modern technology to bring God into people’s homes, there is nothing wrong with that. However, this is just ridiculous, and there has got to be a better way to do it than this. I didn’t believe it until I actually saw the site, and now I will forward it to all my friends.
LMAO!!! I saw the trailer last night! I took one look at the crosses and figued it’s likely a built-in device based on the Chintendo Vii hardware we all laughed at so much a few years ago.
i love how there are exactly two character models… all that likeness just screams incest
love thy neighbour^^
Does it come with a realistic priest fondling game type….oh yeah I went there
I totally agree, I already spent hours bugging them on this. And it’s a little to homophobic in certain areas.
your defending homosexuals? Maybe your a homosexual! MAYBE YOUR ALL HOMOSEXUALS! (anyone guessed the tv referance?) A pray game sounds crap, no i want a game where you play as jesus! That would be fricken awesome and a minigame where you expel demons and smash stalls up and forgive people of their sins OR EVEN BETTER! KUNG FU ACTION JESUS! ^_^
Xbox King, weren’t you arguing with me at length about how offensive and stupid this article was last night on Twitter?
What changed?
he thought this was offensive? Dosen’t seem offensive to me and i’m of christian faith. Funny to see the lengths some people will go to get others converted to their own religion! ^_^
Holy wow. This is bizarre. I’m a Christian, I’m disgusted, and I’m entirely unsurprised.
Really funny article, ShanghaiSix.
Also, way too many gingers in that congregation. Gross.
What…? This has to be a joke. Not on SGs side, but the developers side. I’m a Christian myself, and I think this is rediculous. I hope it doesn’t become popular.
“Hey, what church do you go to?”
“Oh, I use We Pray for my church.”
Nice article.
One word:
Pathetic.
This has to be a hoax. You’ve been had, Shanghai.
how do you know we haven’t been had, this could suddenly be edited to include the tag words parody news and fiction friday! IT’S A TRAP!
It wouldn’t surprise me if this is another god damn viral campaign for Dante’s Inferno…damn those PR folks.
This can’t be real, it just can’t!