Man, check out those graphics! Is that the Unreal 3 engine?

Author Note: Check your calendars.  It is not Friday, and this is not a Fiction Friday piece run early.  This is real.

Most of the SG staff got a curious email in their inbox today from a group calling themselves  “Prayer Works Interactive”.  Usually, we get spam email from developers with screenshots and different media resources for upcoming games.

This email went on to discuss how they were bringing an interactive church simulator to home video game consoles with the tag line: “After all, a family shouldn’t have to wait until Sunday to worship the Lord.”

Wow.  Follow me after the jump for a break down of the email.  This is hysterical.

The whole staff sent this back and forth to each other, thinking this was someone’s idea for a joke.  But then again, why not?  Christians are one of the biggest demographics out there, and let’s face it: none of those Left Behind games are really burning up monthly sales numbers.

So let’s break down this email, line by glorious line.

Mass: We Pray is the first of many worship-themed games in development for Prayer Works Interactive. Just like with any videogame, families can use a television as a monitor to play.

Yes. Just like with any video game, you can use a television…like a television. And the first of many worship-themed games? Oh, goodie. Are you doing a Benny Hinn over-the-top faith healing simulator?  Or maybe a Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker simluator, where you play a over-righteous televangelist with his own theme park who then cheats on his wife and goes to jail for fraud and conspiracy charges? I want to see those games.

Then, they can use the CROSS, a proprietary, wireless, cross-shaped controller to participate in 24 unique and exhilarating rituals. Make the Sign of the Cross, sprinkle Holy Water, take Collection and even give Holy Communion. Every motion and nuance of a blessing or ritual is detected in three dimensions and replicated on-screen.

A cross-shaped controller?  Boy, and I thought the DJ Hero turntable was going to be a one-trick pony; what other game would you use that controller for?  Maybe a new Castlevania game?  There’s no mention of which console this is for, but I can only imagine it’s the same console they’re selling to nursing homes and getting the elderly to go bowling.

As they play, gamers collect Grace points. Then they can trade them in to unlock the Holy Mysteries. It’s entertaining, educational and enlightening.

Oh, I’m entertained, all right. That’s right, unlockables for going to church.

To get off the couch and into the action, add the KNEELER, a pressure-sensitive accessory that allows gamers to kneel or genuflect just as they would in Church.

Wow, there is seven types of silliness in that sentence alone.  Get off the couch into the action?  And another special accessory for this game?  Good lord, they’re making the Guitar Hero series look like a steal with all the plastic crap they’re forcing the good Christian church goer to shell out for.

To extend the experience even further, download the Seven Sacraments and Holy Rituals Expansion Pack featuring: Ash Wednesday, Confession, Holy Procession, Transubstantiation and much, much more.

Aw yeah!  Already announcing downloadable content before launch?  That’s dope.  Man, I hope there are Nazi Zombies in this one.

According to the founders of Prayer Works Interactive, “Families shouldn’t be scared of videogames. Just like television and radio before that, it’s not the medium that’s dangerous; it’s how you use it. Mass: We Pray is proof that videogames can be used to spread the Good Word.”

Yes, you should save your fear for important things.  Like those “pesky homosexuals” and their grenade spamming ways.

Prayer Works Interactive is a new game-development company founded in Boston in 2007. We believe there is a lack of quality games based upon traditional family values. Our mission is to fill that void by creating engaging, top-quality games that entertain, inspire and bring families closer to the Lord.

Well, consider that void filled.

I’ll tell you what.  You see this rig set up in the house of a family that you know, you should probably start making excuses as to why you can’t go over to their house for dinner anymore.  As a matter of fact, consider staying far away from that house unless you want to have uncomfortable weekly conversations about Jesus or Promise Keepers.

As requested, here’s the link to this video gaming atrocity.
http://www.masswepray.com/