"Breaking news! Godzilla attacks Tokyo!"

I’m sure there are people who hadn’t even put their wallets away after buying a DSi or new PSP when the “next gen” version of the damn thing was announced.  With last week’s announcement of the great-for-grandma’s-glaucoma DSi XXXXXL, roughly the size of a netbook with a stlyus that could be used to stake vampires, you have to wonder just what Nintendo’s portable division was thinking.

But then it seems that those folks are drinking from the same well that the developers over at Sony’s handheld division are drinking from with their latest release, the PSP Go!  Let’s take a look at both systems and mock them, shall we?

DSi XL:

- In the Land of the Rising Sun, they’ve decided to stop going smaller, instead going the good ol’ fashion American way and making their next handheld as big as humanely possible.  It is 50% larger than the DSi, and almost twice as big as the DS Lite.  Okay, maybe not, but I don’t feel like doing math right now.

- Well, apparently they’re not making enough money from the Wii anymore, so they’ve decided to play stupid like Sony does when pricing new hardware; looks like it will cost $22o-ish when it launches here in the States for Q1 2010.

- A full inch larger screen, but still same resolution graphics!  That’s right, kids!  You can now play 64-bit games like they were meant to be played:  huddled around a four inch screen like your freezing to death in a blizzard, using the LED screen for warmth!

- Oh, goodie!  It comes with two brain training games and a dictionary already installed on the hard drive?  Well, you can’t say Nintendo doesn’t give out anything for free, now can ya?

- Colors: The Japanese version will launch in three colors: Wine Red, Dark Brown, and Hemorrhoid Cream White.  Okay, I’m just joking about the Dark Brown.

- The DSi with it’s fancy camera and silly downloadable calculators was announced this time last year.   So just over a year before the next one launches; isn’t that a bit…soon?   Someone get the Left4Dead 2 protesters over here, we’ve got a new banner to rally behind!

PSP Go:

- Well, it’s old terrain, but let’s kick around in the mud for a bit.

- No UMD (Unviersal Media Disk) drive, and no UMD turn-in program.  I now have a very decorative coffee table that I super-hot glue gunned all my old UMDs to the top of.  Very “frat boy house” chic.

- $249.  Of course, they apparently weren’t talking with the folks over at Sony’s main office, because this came out just about the same time the price drop for the PS3 Slim came out.  Really?  Is there even a choice if you have $300 and could only buy one?  Hey, there’s still a recession going on: quit making me stop and think about buying new plastic crap.

- Ironically, much like the Nintendo Wii, no one is playing their PSP.  Well, except for PacManPolarBear, and we all know what that’s about…I mean, amirite?

- In it’s first week, Sony sold 1000 units.  One thousand.  Good for you, world, for not taking any of Sony’s nonsense.

I’m sure there are plusses and minuses on each side of the fence for this one, but I’m interested in hearing what the rest of the community has to say.  Which is why I wrote this in the first place: which system is more stupid-er than the other, because for the most part, they both are pretty ignorant.

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