Well, look at you. Getting drawn in to reading an article based on the surprisingly absurd title…

I bet you won’t click the jump. You haven’t got the stones. You can’t HANDLE THE JUMP!

Wow, you’re actually still reading? I suppose I should make some sort of a point then, just to reward you for your voluntary effort.

Borderlands was released here in the UK last Friday. I bought it as soon as I woke up in the afternoon (I’m not a lazy bum, I work nights. Quit judging me). I bought it for the PS3 because – unlike every other person in the world – I have more friends with PS3s than 360s. Upon getting home I inserted the disc into my console in an appropriate manner and proceeded to start the game… After the mandatory install… Which came after the mandatory system update… IT TOOK A WHILE.

Seven years later I was able to jump into the game and invite a friend. It was the most exciting thirty seconds of my gaming life. I say “thirty seconds” because it took approximately that long for voice chat to throw a fit and give that glorious s…t…u…t…t..e…r… effect that you’ll occasionally find on games with broken online service. Then his character started visually stuttering backward and forward in a squiggly line. This all preceded my frame rate dropping to no greater than 20 frames per second whenever I aimed a weapon at something (even a postbox). Then my PS3 crashed and I theorised that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I wouldn’t be playing a stable game online anytime soon.

On the bright side, both Single Player and Split Screen work fine. Which is where the point of this article comes in…

And I’ll reveal said point to you after I reward you for making it this far down the page. Have a winking smiley!

Borderlands is addictive. So addictive I’m going to exclaim it! And just as with all the best things in the world that are crazy-addictive, it wouldn’t surprise me if it were one day made illegal. It won’t be of course, but why not entertain the concept? I mean I’ve actually lost sleep over this game. Not in the usual ‘couldn’t put the controller down so I went to bed late’ way, I’m talking the ‘I woke up two hours after finally getting to sleep because I was dreaming about Borderlands and suddenly felt the overwhelming desire to play until I pass out again’ way. It’s that addictive.

What keeps me coming back? Firstly, the gunplay is as smooth as you can get, ‘Call Of Duty’ smooth. Secondly, the game appeals to every gamer’s inner loot-whore, with weapons and accessories being constantly thrown your way as fast as they can be randomly generated. Finally, the methods you can employ in laying waste to your enemies are seemingly unending. You can dissolve them, electrocute them, set fire to them, explode them, whatever! Grenade mods have kept me greatly entertained as well, with certain mods allowing me to do anything from making them super bouncy to teleporting directly to an enemy’s feet. Also, who doesn’t enjoy an armoured car with a rocket launcher on top? I know I do. Far too much in fact.

Bottom line, if you haven’t played this game yet and are thinking about picking it up, be warned. Time spent away from the game will become to you as thinking of an ex; forgettable and undesirable even when you do entertain it.

Here’s another winking smiley

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