I know what you’re thinking right now; “Krelith, are you insane?! Modern Warfare 2 comes out this year! As does Halo 3: ODST! And Left 4 Dead 2!”

Well to you Sir/Madam, I say ‘Meh’. And here’s the Top 5 reasons why I have produced such a response.

1) Nazis. Nazis were/are renowned racists. Everyone dislikes racism, and if you don’t you’re either clinically apathetic or you too are a racist, in which case I won’t be sharing my toys with you at play time. In Wolfenstein you get to shoot hundreds of Nazis in multiple forms whilst laughing hysterically at their stereotypical demeanor.

Which brings me to Reason #2.

2) Stereotypes. Stereotypes can be funny. You know it, I know it, and we all know it conflicts supremely on a severely hypocritical level with Reason #1. Also, it provides sentences that utilise no fewer than two adverbs in a row… For this I apologise. However, German stereotypes as portrayed by people who are clearly not German are still hilarious to bare witness to.

Zee points of ziss article are starting to become clearer!

3) Ghostbusters (For legal reasons I must state that there are no REAL Ghostbusters in the game. Not even Egon). For those who missed last week’s edition of [GAME] In 30 Seconds: Wolfenstein, you’ll have also missed the game-changing mechanic of having Proton Packs in the game! Except this time you’re not busting ghosts, you’re busting Hitler’s goons!

Call 555-HitlersGoonBusters for all your Nazi-dissolving needs, and to reach Reason #4.

4) Time-travelling DC Super Villains. Not content with plagiarising marshmallow-hating comedy heroes, Wolfenstein will also pit you against DC super villain, Atomic Skull. Except he’s not called Atomic Skull, and there’s more than one of him. But they still have a glowing green skull for a face and their misanthropy knows no bounds.

Lawsuit now pending. But first!

5) Satisfaction. No, not the Stones’ song, I mean the sense of fulfilment. After playing through MW2 you’ll have expected a great game and had it deliver. The same probably goes for ODST and L4D2 as well. Wolfenstein, however, is a game you expect to be a horrible mess but results in pleasing you immensely. Who here doesn’t like a sleeper hit? Hmm? Put your hands up now so I can send you horrible emails that insult your mother whilst simultaneously making you cry!

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that last part. It’s not like me to be so nasty. It’s just that I’ve had some issues of late…

6) Super Powers. Why would ever play a game where you don’t get super powers?! Are you mental?

7) Absolute disregard for Top 5 lists containing 5 entries. This one’s quite self-explanatory at this point.

So there you have it. Five (ish) reasons why Wolfenstein is the best shooter you’ll play this year. Argue my logic if you wish, but know also that whatever you say in disagreement with me, you’re probably wrong.

Popularity: 1% [?]