Mike Krahulik is a GENIUS.
(Writer’s note: the harsh language in this article is being revamped with kinder, gentler terms so no one will take offense or feel badly about themselves.)
A NEFARIOUS VAGABOND is filing a lawsuit against Sony for banning his entire PSN account after he said some things on Resistance: Fall of Man. I had to jump on top of this story and strangle the humor out of it. I love guys like this; they’re so damn entertaining.
Hey, sixteen-year-olds studying for your college entrance exams! Today, we’re going to learn a new word. And that word is “litigious”:
a: disputatious, contentious
b: prone to engage in lawsuits
Americans are a litigious people. We are always looking for a way to make a quick million so we can hastily retire to the Caribbean and own a bevy of female slaves to tickle our nether regions.
There’s a reason it tells you on a little sticker on the side of your hair dryer not to use it while deep sea diving. It means that someone died using their hair dryer while deep sea diving, and their family dragged the hair dryer company through years of costly legal proceedings because it explicitly did not tell their Darwin Award-winning relative not to use the hair dry while deep sea diving.
Unlike Canada, where the loser pays the winner’s legal fees, we Americans can just come up with one ridiculous charge after the other and keep trotting people in front of a judge until something sticks.
Here’s the complaint. SCANDALOUS WHIPPERSNAPPER (plaintiff’s real name is Erik Estavillo if you feel like prank calling him on a regular basis) was doing what SCANDALOUS WHIPPERSNAPPERS do best- being a RASCAL. I can’t imagine what kind of vile, racist things were pouring from his PUPPIES AND KITTENS guttermouth, but it must have been enough for some moderator to bring the banhammer a swingin’.
It, of course, doesn’t say what the SCOUNDREL said to be banned for, but you can bet it wasn’t “Excuse me, sir, I was planning on taking that rifle grenade, as I am out.” But then again, it doesn’t matter what he said, because again, in those 47 pages of End User License Agreements that most of us just blow through, it gives Sony the right to do generally whatever the hell they want to anyone they want to playing their game. I’m sure, anyway, as I haven’t read it either.
Here’s the punchline. The DEVILISH ROGUE files a lawsuit claiming he’s having his first amendment “freedom of speech” rights impinged, as well as for pain and suffering. Here’s a piece from the affidavit from Gamepolitics.com.
The pain and suffering was caused by the defendant, Sony, banning the plaintiff’s account on the PlayStation 3 Network, in which the plaintiff relies on to socialize with other people, since it’s the only way the plaintiff can truly socialize since he also suffers from Agoraphobia…
Wait, are we sure he’s suffering from a fear of crowds? Are we sure he’s not just intolerable around other human beings? I’d like to see him get diagnosed…
And usually those people who argue the loudest about having their rights taken away usually don’t have the first clue what those rights actually entail. This is a perfect example, because guess what, kids? The United States First Amendment is designed to protect people from the government, not against private companies.
Anyway, the HOOLIGAN has decided that he’s going to represent himself in this case, because apparently playing enough of the Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney series makes one feel like a competent lawyer. Let’s face it: nothing says “serious legal battle” like a kid in a ripped AC/DC shirt with a chain wallet. I wonder if Sony is even going to send a lawyer to these proceedings? I mean, I know they must have a crack legal team on retainer at all times, but this seems like they would put in a fourth or fifth stringer on this one.
Doesn’t this seem like a dick move anyway? I mean, based on this, we can kind of see why Sony would have banned Mr. SCALAWAG, because we get a glimpse as to what kind of person he is. A MISCREANT.
What do you think of this YOUNG HOODLUM’S lawsuit? Does this REPROBATE’S possible medical condition give him the right to be a REPREHENSIBLE NE’ER-DO-WELL in public? Does he have a legal leg to stand on for banning his entire PSN online account for his actions in one game?
(Writer’s endnote: God, I wish I could swear on this site more. 
)
Popularity: 1% [?]
1) If he’s suffering from agoraphobia, why is he so eager to go to court?
2) Typical punk kid spouting off a the mouth about “his rights” when he doesn’t understand the law at all. The article is 100% correct in that the 1st amendment offers no protection in this case. PSN’s network is their property, like your home is your property. If I come to your home, and start cursing at you, you have the right to make me leave your home because of it.
I only regret that the case will be dropped or thrown out before a judge gets a chance to lecture this kid on wasting their time.
If Sony were dicks, they could ride it out until it’s heard before a judge. That way when the judge facepalms and adjourns court, Loser Boy here will be responsible for the legal fees.
He is a graduate of UCLA – but still D-bag.
Makes me think of the Hitler gets banned from Xbox Live Video on YouTube.
LOL true, but hitler would make a lawsuit????? no, a war
Anyone else remember that lady who burned herself with her coffee from McDonalds and won a suit for Millions of dollars? She was going through the drive through, set her coffee on the dashboard, and is spilled in her lap as she tried to drive off. She won because she wasn’t told that it was “hot”.
I think most Americans remember that idiot. I think this was one of the first truly moronic lawsuits that started the trend and forced companies to put truly asinine warning labels on just about anything.
Ya, it’s just like that other guy who did that other thing that was totally irrelevant to this situation.
by any chance is there a unedited verision shanghai six? I want to see all the curse words you used to get your point across! ^_^
This guy who no right to sue sony, i have asperger syndrome which means i find it slightly difficult in certain social situations but that dosen’t give me the right to go around swearing at people and claiming my disability gives me dipolmatic immunity from being banned.
He’s doing with some other people with disabilites do, using he’s disease for he’s own advantage.
According to research by Randy Cassingham, Stella Liebeck of the infamous McD’s Coffee Case was *not* driving (her nephew was), the final settlement was negotiated in private, the coffee was not “too hot”, and McD’s coffee only has a burn rate of 1 in 24 million, so it’s not a systemic issue.
http://www.stellaawards.com/stella.html
That said, I’d like to reiterate my admiration that people actually realize the First Amendment does *not* protect anyone from being sanctioned on private networks by the network owner, and that often times free speech is not free of consequences. PSN will not miss punks with attitude like this at all.
I played online for 3 years with this terrible person. Vincent is a very rude and disruptive person.I have to leave the Machester everytime he is there .You can’t mute him because he keeps coming back. The Racial slurs and sexuall deviency stuff makes me sick;He is worse than the kids you see sometimes from England .Atleast they eventually go away .He neeeds to be arrested and delt with by authorities.MC
I have known of Erik for well over six years. He used to be abusive in a chatroom formerly known as Volano.com. I highly doubt he’s agorophobic as on one of his video sites, you see him walking around in a public mall, going up to complete strangers and interviewing them. An agorophobic wouldn’t be able to do that. He’s cunning and able to lie about almost anything, convincingly. He shouldn’t win this case.