Hi, ho, Kermit the Frog here, amongst a pile of boxes, writing on a laptop stacked on a filing cabinet in my brand new basement.  What a mess.  Have I mentioned that moving is a pain in the ass?

Anyway, back on topic, I know this might be a little old, but I’ve been out of the scene for about a week and I’m just getting my claws into it.  A week ago, Rockstar Vancouver released screenshots for the upcoming Max Payne: 3, and I have to say, I’m not amused.

Bullet time with me over to the jump to find out why these screenshots piss me off!

Okay, what the hell.  Look at these screenshots. They look great, and they should!  However, the new Max Payne looks like it has absolutely nothing to do with Max Payne.

First, we’re told a few weeks ago that Max Payne’s original voice actor, James McCaffery, isn’t going to be voicing Max for Max Payne 3.  I ground my teeth a bit, but shrugged my shoulders and decided not to get too frustrated.  But now these screenshots?

Tell me if these screenshots don’t remind you of something else.  Certainly not Max Payne.  Not the Max Payne from Max Payne 1 or Max Payne 2.  Not the film noir motif havin’, trenchcoat wearin’, crazy overdramatic comic-book monologue spewin’ Max Payne I fell in love with almost a decade ago.  These screenshots are not set in Max Payne’s world.

And okay, I get it.  People change. Circumstances change.  Max has gotten older…and balder.  But would it have been that hard to keep the game in New York like the other two?  Where are the dark, rainy nights?

So we’ve determined the overuse of bullet time as a game mechanic and the name Max Payne are about the only thing that makes this a Max Payne title so far.  But what does it look more like than Max Payne?  Like “Generic Action Third Person Shooter with Giant Gruff Male Protagonist and Cover Mechanic: The Game”.

Just like Japanese role-playing games are guaranteed to have a 16-year old male protagonist with a spiky three-foot head of hair, western game developers have been on this disturbing trend of mirroring their main characters after popular video game characters for major brands. What we as the consumer are being treated to is a parade of heroes who are either over-amped steroid abusing brick walls or guys with shaved heads and Clint Eastwood-style gravelly voices, and these screenshots seems to be in sync with that trend.

Look, I’m sure that the game will be great fun, and I’m sure the storyline will back up the reason why Sam Fisher…I mean, Max Payne, will be slumming around in Mexico or Brazil mixing it up with drug dealers.  But it’s just not the same game. Rockstar Vancouver may as well have taken Max Payne out of the equation completely and started on a whole new franchise for as much as this game can possibly be like Max Payne.

I’ll just go at it with cautious optimism that comes from a Rockstar title and hope for the best.

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