Oh, no kidding? I thought this was a toaster!

Last week, I wrote a blow-by-blow account of my taking my new birthday present out for a spin, a new, shiny PS3.  It was a minute to minute account of everything from setting up a new account to logging into Home for the first time, and I thought it was very comprehensive.

Of course, I got flak about the article only being a walkthrough of the first hour of set up and not actually covering any gameplay.  Well, I’m sorry, it took me quite awhile of downloading updates and installing new patches that my hour expired before I actually got to play anything.  I mean, the free game Pain that came with the system literally took at least a half hour of downloading and then further installing.

So how was my first foray as an Xbot into PS3 gaming?  Hit the jump to find out!

Oh, I did end up getting higher end HDMI cables, and wow.  What a difference.  I don’t know why they wouldn’t want to pimp out their system by including those in the box, but whatever.

Pain didn’t really do anything for me; I need storyline and a compelling reason to be doing something.  For those of you who have not tried it, it literally is a physics engine test that has a game built into it.  Your character is launched out of a giant crossbow into the air, and it’s your job to crash into things in the most painful and destructive methods possible.  To give you an idea, you get bonus points for completing a landing by whacking yourself in the balls.  I can’t make this stuff up.

If Pain had somehow been able to give me reason I was launching this moron into the air against a generally destructive environment, I might have stuck around past the tutorial.  But once it was all about getting a high score and that’s it, I felt my eyelids starting to get heavy about a half hour into it.

So I got rid of that and put in Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune. Wow, I was impressed.  It what I imagine the folks over at Eidos had in mind when they were cranking out Lara Croft sequels.  Third person platformer with a decent shooting/cover mechanic designed around Tomb Raider style puzzles, but a Hollywood class series of cutscenes and voice  overs really takes it from a mediocre cut and paste of a successful franchise to overtaking the tired Tomb Raider series and making it it’s own.

There were genuinely funny parts of the game where I couldn’t help but laugh out loud, and that’s always nice. I was honestly interested to see how the whole story was going to turn out, and ground through 18 of 22 of the game chapters in that first day alone.  I couldn’t get enough of it and had trouble forcing myself to turn off the console at the end of the night; I had given myself an Uncharted enema.

The next day, I wrapped up on the game in all its graphical deep jungle beauty and found myself in the unique position to having just been introduced to a game franchise that would soon be coming out with a sequel.  I mean, what the multiplayer demo is getting passed around right now, so Uncharted 2: Among Thieves should be out in short order.  I was pleasantly excited.

So I moved on to the next game on my list, Metal Gear Solid 4.  Again, I’m a big story driven guy, so I figured that this was about as good as it was going to get for me.  While the game is pretty and I’m enjoying trying to stealth my way through sections, god damn, the storyline is giving me a migraine.  I mean, Tom Clancy himself would have to sit down with a pad and paper to sketch out the storyline, not to mention the almost 20 Metal Gear titles that have come down the pike with all their respective stories.  All of it shoved down your throat pretty violently.  There were times I would watch cutscenes, and having been in the military and knowing about paramilitary contracting like Blackwater or Triple Canopy (real PMCs), I still would sit there and ask myself, “What did I just watch again?”

The load times were a bit silly.  At the end of each chapter, there’s a ten minute load time associated with each chapter, where you watch as Snake smokes a cigarette while helpful little hints pop up on the screen like, “Take a 15 minute break every hour” and “Make sure to play the game in a well lit room!”.  I think only after I got through to the second act was there any mention of “Smoking is unhealthy for you!” or some such public service notice nonsense.  Well, at least they mentioned it.

The gameplay is good fun, and I have slowly been grinding through that game as well.  The environmental camouflage is a nice touch; I enjoy being able to generally hide anywhere in plain site.  I still have yet to do a close combat kill or grab someone.  I just don’t see the point when you can safely snipe from the shadows. I’m sure I’m going to need the skill later, but I just haven’t gotten the CQC thing down yet.

Oh, and one thing about the MGS series that drives me insane.  The characters talk about “CQC” as if it is some ancient martial art that only six people in the world know how to do.  When Snake runs into other military special forces and he knocks one of them out with an elaborate “CQC” technique, i.e. a hip throw, the commander of the unit gets his panties in a bunch because Snake knows CQC.  That’s like getting excited about a boxer planting a guy on his ass with an uppercut.  Of course he knows close quarter combatives! Sheesh.

Which brings me to the Japanese writing style, which is a little teeth grinding at times.  Every now and again, you’re watching a cutscene and have the strangest sensation like you could take an episode of Migyht Morphin Power Rangers and put the dialogue over the action with little effect.  It’s a bit awkward for the Westerners out there at points.  If you’ve played the game, then the character of Akiba and the “Rat Squad”, and you should know what I’m talking about.

That’s not going to stop me from getting through the game and figuring out where in the hell this is all going.  Because again, I’m having a glorious time sneaking around in my cardboard box and happy that I’m now finally able to dip into the well of PS3 exclusives.

Bottom line: I’m enjoying my new toy, but I’m glad as hell that I waited until now to get it.  I wonder what the hell everyone who was a first day adopter did with their choice of six games and no PSN Store to download demos or games at.  No wonder people were complaining when it first came out.  Overall, these games have  been a lot of fun and have been taking advantage of the PS3′s hardware and really kicking out some high end graphics.   Visually pleasing.

After MGS4, on a piece of complete luck, my local rental store had copies of both Prototype and inFamous still available, so I grabbed both of them to stack up my trophy count.

And yeah, I’m still staying out of Home.