Hey kids, its time once again to feature an outstanding community post. While we don’t normally take our featured Community Content from the forums, this post stood out as being well-written and extremely entertaining. Please give a hearty welcome to a newer member of the Sarcastic Gamer community, Relentless, and have a read on his excellent forum post below and after the jump.

“Why am I gaming? Because television sucks.”

Yes. Guys, whenever your parents/significant others/hostages scream and bellow because you’ve spent all day mashing buttons and screaming about headshots and rocket launchers, you aren’t missing anything at all. Being the brave man that I am, I have sat in front of the television for the last few weeks to recon the outside world.

Now, to be fair, I do have a Red Ring of Death right now. And if you own an XBox 360, you’ll get one soon enough… It’s kinda like when your grandpa dies- you just accept that death is a part of life, sell everything that was left behind, and find something else to amuse yourself with… and you don’t regret unplugging it.

Real Housewives of Whatever. Please tell me who decided this was entertainment. If there is anything in this world that is NOT entertaining, it’s a bunch of spoiled rich bitches who do nothing all day but sit on their ass and buy fake boobs and expensive crap. These shriveled hags strive to accomplish something in their day-to-day lives, but they end up doing exactly what spoiled rich American women do best- screeching and nagging and causing drama. This is why I require my significant other to work. If you watch closely, you can see their husbands rubbing their heads… and you can almost hear their thoughts: “Please, God in heaven… send someone to drag me outside and shoot me in the head”.

What Not to Wear. At first I thought this was another good-spirited reality show that drags some poor slob out of the street and puts them in expensive clothes and convinces them that their obesity and face for radio aren’t an issue anymore. I was right. Apparently, someone is out there trying to convince fugly fat chicks that they should wear something other than a burlap tarp, and convince them to gussy-up and haunt the bars. Great. Exactly what bars need. More fat girls in expensive clothes trying to get some human contact from drunks.

Live-Action Shows on Cartoon Network/Adult Swim. Now, if you ask me, the entire idea behind this is the undoing of a network. Just ask anyone if they know what channel “Music Television” is. Personally, I don’t find any of these shows “funny” in the least bit. It’s like a bunch of Microsoft employees got turned loose in a television studio with a lot of drugs. It’s not funny, entertaining, or even worth making fun of. It fails enough on its own. I personally believe in starving these programs out by finding those who enjoy them, rounding them into cattle trucks, and burning them alive.

Ghost Adventures: This is the one on the Travel Channel, not the one on Sci-Fi (that’s Ghost Hunters). No, I really, really hate this show. I don’t know if ghosts are real, but I wish they were… because this guy is the Steve Irwin of paranormal research, and desperately needs to encounter the paranormal equivalent of the stingray. This prick rolls up into a “haunted” place, yells to the top of his lungs and demands “ghosts” shows themselves, randomly points in directions and claims to see something (to which his crew follows suit), and then points out random dust particles catching light as “proof” of his “Ghost Adventure”. And, you know, if I die… please do not send that moron to my house.

MTV. Back in the olden days, when the earth was young and we hunted the great hecatonchires that roamed the land as a rite of manhood, we used to be able to watch music videos all day on the MTV. Then someone decided that “reality television” starring brainless idiots living under one roof was worth tuning into, rather than just expecting the audience to drive down to the local frat house and watch the douchebaggery unfold. After all, there’s nothing that appeals to the curiosity of the pathetic like Hip-Hop videos and shows about spoiled little rich girls pretending to like each other then tearing each other apart the first chance they get. It was only a matter of time before “16 and pregnant” came along to convince the teenagers to get knocked up because it’s cool, so hopefully the next generation will be easily dominated under my rule.

Paris Hilton’s Dancing Monkey BFF I shouldn’t have to elaborate on this, but it goes to show you that some people think so highly of themselves that they end up having people compete for their friendship, and don’t come to the realization that “I might go to Hell for this”. Apparently, friendship is for sale these days, and so are the souls of those who compete for hers. I can name about 20 people that I’d rather be friends with that “Princess” Paris, and some of those people have names like “The Hun” or “Unibomber“. (Hey, Paris- the last Princess that got as much attention as you got scraped off a road inside a tunnel. I’m just sayin’.)

Thanks Relentless! Remember that we’re always on the lookout for creative, entertaining, well-written community blogs or posts to be featured content on the front page!

Original post SG Community members, join in and tell Relentless if you agree or disagree! Non-SG community members, why haven’t you signed up yet? “I have to go wash my hair” was last week’s excuse. It was lame then and it’s lame now. Sign up today!

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