I want to tell you a story about Old Man Nintendo. Old Man Nintendo is a very rich man who loves food.

For a while, Old Man Nintendo ran a chain of restaurants and was adored by one and all for his glorious meals. Whether people needed something they could eat on the go or something they could sit on their couch and spend a few hours enjoying, Old Man Nintendo could provide it all.

These days, Old Man Nintendo’s business has been changing, and he seems to be forgetting about some of his customers. Get comfy, grab a cup of tea, and enjoy the story of Mr Nintendo and his customers…

Back in the 80s and early 90s, Mr Nintendo ran some hugely profitable businesses. His on-the-go fast-food chains dished out cuisines both Italian and Russian, and his home-delivery food service catered to all sorts of tastes which would linger for many an hour, even into the night if one savoured it enough.

Things became a little minimalist towards the turn of the millennium; his portable meals got smaller – but crucially, more delicious, and at one stage brighter than any meal before – and eventually became two meals in one. Takeaway food was quickly becoming Old Man Nintendo’s speciality, and as the new millennium continued everybody was enjoying the fruits of his labour.

From brain food to doubled-up Italian specialities (Mr Nintendo always loved his Italian food) and even Link sausages, there was something for everyone in Old Man Nintendo’s menu. His home business wasn’t doing too well, alas; his last voyage into that market – a lunchbox – had crashed and burned because there just wasn’t enough variety in the range of meals to satisfy everybody.

Of course, Mr Nintendo was not one for giving up on his home market. After lying low for a while, watching his fortunes grow as everybody adored his doubled-up meals, Mr Nintendo assembled the world’s finest food journalists – and his new American friend, Mr Reggie – and unveiled what he saw as the future of home cooking.

But what was it? Follow me, youngling, over to the next page…

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