As Eoco’s mushy, soggy hands-on revealed earlier, things are looking good for Crowthorne Meat Corp’s new upcoming product, raw mince. Since his visit around a week ago the product has been finished and a package delivered straight to my front door containing my very own review copy of the meat product. Colour me excited!
Read my full review over the jump!
Raw mince (which will be released with the alternative title of “ground meat” in the States) is a mushy, ground-up meat product resembling, as Eoco put it, “long, thin strands of meat [that] failed to impress”. Perhaps they will impress more when put to the test?
When inserted into an “oven”, Crowthorne Meat Corp’s universally-compatible console, raw mince promises to be a delicious taste sensation. The developers – colloquially referred to by Crowthorne as “slaughterhouse employees” – have worked long and hard on bringing raw mince to gamers.
They’ve been using only the finest development tools to prepare raw mince for the gaming market, from meat cleavers to captive bolt pistols. Think of the hitman in No Country for Old Men and you’re on the right track.
Anyway, onto my own personal review copy, which slipped through my letterbox this morning.
The aforementioned review copy.
The packaging is economical, but just enough to keep the raw mince fresh. It’s as easy to open as a game box; just take off the plastic shrink-wrap and there it is, like new. From there, you pop it in the oven console and start it all up.
Shakedown over; time to get into the meat of the review (pardon the pun), over on page two.
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You are playing it on the wrong console dude.
It’s never going to be an enjoyable experience on your MSOven 360, it’s much better on the Sony Fryingpanstation ™, it looks far superior and you don’t have to worry about getting the Red (underdone) Meat Of Death at the end of it.
Also you can spend ages sitting in your “home” doing nothing while waiting for it to finish.
AND FINALLY! I don’t accept your 1 star review, you didn’t even finish it, how can you think you’re qualified to review it? (it’s not like it’a s bowl of soup or anything…)
In my opinion, raw mince is more like a puzzle/adventure game like the Legend of Zelda series than a full-on RPG.
While the fork controller is a necessary external part of the game, there are many other specialized tools that can be unlocked from a special “cabinet” which can alter the experience (such as a knife, bun, ketchup packet, etc.) For example *SPOILER ALERT* if you pick up the bun and use it on the meat, the entire dynamic of the game changes from being simple (albeit delicious) meat to a “sandwich.”
Seeing as how the goal of the game is for the user to be as utterly satisfied as possible, it’s necessary to employ these other tools to win. In my opinion, the most satisfying ending is when my “Sloppy Joe Sandwich” is successfully “digesting” in my “stomach chamber.”
Wow Yamster, you actually win against Eoco this time. Way to go Yam!
Don’t cry Eoco, you’re usually funnier.
And don’t cry Yamster, you’re funny too.
Eoco’s…usually funnier? Oh wait, April Fool’s, haha, I get it!
…right?
This whole story is mince meat!!!!
I mean seriously you still play on the oven console? That is so old. I could get The intro don in only 10 minutes with oviin console. Sure it is smaller and doesn’t cook the center, but it’s practically hand-held and you only get minor burns.
I can’t believe you didn’t give it 2 stars!! You’re such a n00b!