The new national pastime in the UK is apparently knife crime, which I think we can all agree is a welcome change from cricket. With those tastes in mind it seemed that the world heavyweight champion of the concealed shiv, Richard B Riddick, would be riding Assault on Dark Athena straight to the UK No 1 spot. What could hold back the man who couldn’t be restrained by Butcher Bay? I mean, they had Xzibit working there! X to the Z, no less!
Governmental corruption at the highest levels after the jump…
Jack : Where the hell can I get thighs like that?
Riddick: Gotta buy a Wii and a few accessories first.
Jack: Okay. I can do it.
Riddick: Then you gotta stand on one leg for a while. Then the other leg. Then back on the first leg. Maybe wave your arms about a little.You dig up a Personal Trainer who tells you to quit the menthol Kools……who does a Fitness Regime job on your glutes and lats.
Jack: So you get to see a video of you shaking your ass on YouTube?
Riddick: Exactly.
Even the most dangerous convict in the known galaxy was unable to shift Wii Fit from the lead in the ELSPA UK sales charts. Despite The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena being essentially two games for the price of one with a side order of delicious crunchy multi-player, the little white board remains unassailable, today starting its 51st consecutive week in the charts.
Dark Athena made the number two slot with a bullet, but even though Wii Fit is down 11% there seems to be no breaking this stranglehold, cemented as it is on the sweat of the casual gamer and their mom. With other disappointing debuts such as Godfather II limping down the charts it is unlikely that anything will dislodge it until something truly monstrous breaks.
To make matters worse, the UK Government weighed in on Friday with a new segment of its Department of Health sponsored Change4Life campaign – an advert animated by Aardman Studios (creators of Wallace & Grommet) promoting “Active video games, where kids need to jump up and down or dance about.” In theory this could be Dance Dance Revolution, but you just know what’s going to lurking right in the doorway of your local games emporium, emblazoned with pictures of shiny healthy cholesterol free children. Considering the speed of the turnaround from last month’s ‘Games Will Skullf**k Your Children to Death’ message from the same campaign, we can only assume that Nintendo has a video of Gordon Brown using the invisible hula-hoop in his underwear.
The smart money says that the Little Plank That Could will now essentially own the UK market for the foreseeable future , perhaps until the June 5th release of The Sims 3, which could make enough of an appreciable divot in the casual market to let something else swoop in. If you think you know what the chief contender is, get yourself heard in the comments.
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I’m only commenting on this because you put a picture of Vin Diesel up. He’s so sexy.
If you could post a pic of Vin Diesel doing that trademark Wii Fit pose, I might just jizz my pants.
“Nintendo has a video of Gordon Brown using the invisible hula-hoop in his underwear.”
please no I beg you Nintendo
Just be happy that it’s not john prescott! If they showed that i’m sure people would die seven days later and not becasue a little girl came out of the TV becasue she would proberly accidently watch it as well and kill herself.
The UK Goverment are annoying but at least you don’t have to live in the UK!