Guerilla Games has announced they will delay releasing the game Killzone 2 until further notice. When Sarcastic Gamer contacted the game company they reported that “Due to the recent economy situation, we cannot in good faith take your money at this time. We feel the game is so awesome that you may be compelled to buy two or even three copies. We also fear that if you don’t already have a PS3, you will end up buying one regardless of your financial situation. In recent test groups, we have seen people were actually starting to starve their entire family in order to purchase a Playstation 3 after playing Killzone 2.”

President Obama contacted Sony requesting that the game be “held back until further notice.” President Obama’s advisers had this to say, “The President has played the game… it is good. He needs to concentrate on the stimulus package and get this economy going. This game is so awesome, but it can ruin this country if it’s released during this current economic crisis.”

Several notable effects have already been seen world-wide leading up to the game’s launch:

• Gamestop has started accepting food stamps toward game preorders.  In case you’re considering this, know that they’re only honoring them at $.25 on the dollar
• Statistics show a rise of check cashing businesses opening up adjacent to gaming stores
• USA Today and BBC reported that there is a sudden increase of human trafficking as the launch of Killzone 2 nears
• Several drug cartels have apparently stopped resupplying, taking their current income and investing in massive orders of Killzone 2 instead of cocaine and heroin
• Health industry watchdogs have noted blood and plasma donations are up 293% while sperm donations are up 678%
• Several Craig’s List postings have been spotted where people are offering to sell one of their kidneys and in at least one instance, someone offered both of them in exchange for “A working PS3 with a copy of Killzone 2 prior to launch“
• The US Digital Television switchover has been delayed by the cable companies to make sure all Killzone 2 commercials are seen by everyone who owns a TV.  In exchange for this, Sony has promised them 2% of the net revenue from sales of the game
• The Bureau of Labor and Statistics reports the most popular name for newborn boys is now Sev, while it’s the 3rd most popular name for girls following ISA, and Helghast

When Sarcastic Gamer contacted Sony… they commented “We do not speculate or comment on any rumors about an upcoming game so awesome that it may or may not be delayed due to an unexpected trend of people sacraficing their dignity and welfare in order to own.“

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