To say that God of War’s debut on the PS3 comes with a lot of expectations and pressure to do for the PS3 what the previous games did for Sony’s other platforms is an understatement of epic proportions. Everyone expects God of War 3 to break new ground and still give fans what they loved about the previous games. Thanks to connections made at CES this year, Sarcastic Gamer has the exclusive scoop on God of War 3.
Find out why fans are going to be shocked by the new God of War after the jump!
What can one really say about the God of War series? Its predecessors were incredibly popular and became iconic symbols of greatness for the Playstation 2 and PSP. The mature themed storylines, scripted combat sequences and nudity (yay boobies!) made them, arguably, among the best M rated action adventure titles ever made. Every single game in the series pushed what their associated platform was capable of doing.
The most blatant difference between GoW3 and it predecessors is that GoW3 IS NOT an action adventure title, it’s an RPG! The initial action adventure build has been retracted in favor of the new action RPG build. Citing the incredible resurgence of RPG popularity GoW developers decided that fans would enjoy building Kratos up from scratch. Limited to uppercuts and groin attacks at the start of the game, players will need to earn experience to unlock more attacks, improvements and powers. If you like crushing peoples heads with treasure chests and decapitating your foes, your going to have to earn the ability to do so. Wholesale slaughter is privilege, not a right!
Like every good RPG, GoW 3 will add multiple characters (Ryu Hayabusa?!) which can join forces with Kratos, as well as multiple side quests and games. What would an RPG be without a race upon the backs of giant chickens? If you thought the weapons in Final Fantasy were big wait until you see how big Kratos’ scimitars are in GoW 3. You literally need to save up enough gold so that you can buy a cart to lug your weapons around with you since even one scimitar is three times the size of Kratos himself and takes up the majority of the screen. Eat your heart out Cloud Strife!
The infamous God of War sexual encounters will take on a whole new depth as defeating a few bad guys and tossing out a gruff one liner will no longer ensure you’ll get lucky. The ladies in GoW3 are a much more high class, demanding group of women who expect more from a suitor than the ability to crack a few skulls. Six-Axis control will play a big part too, but I’ll leave that to your imaginations for now! Secondary abilities like Doctor, Lawyer, Movie Star and Boy Band Lead Singer will go along way towards ensuring nookie. Of course carnal delights can still be yours without secondary abilities if your savvy enough to progress through the dialogue sequences with the ladies in the proper manner. Be warned though, some of the questions they’ll ask you are tricky!
“Classy” Lady: If your such a ladies man, what do women really want?
Kratos: (correct answer) Everything.
“Classy” Lady: What would you do if another man sullied my honor?
Kratos: (correct answer) I’d cut him to pieces…and then feed him to the new puppy I will buy for you that has been dyed to match your favorite purse.
“Classy” Lady: Who is prettier, me or my sister?
Kratos: (incorrect answer) Neither. Your mom is smoking hot though!
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Ah…if only it were true… I would enjoy a God of War RPG.
“Classy” Lady: Who is prettier, me or my sister?
Kratos: (incorrect answer) Neither. Your mom is smoking hot though!”
That’s comedy gold right there!
I can’t wait til I can get the “+4 wireless microphone” for my boy band profession!
too damn funny!
Have a great weekend everybody!