The image you see above is a stark reality of what is to come. While scientists have been poo-pooing the idea that CERN’s new particle collider, the LHC, could a create a black hole and destroy the world, they have not taken into account Gordon Freeman’s magnetic ability to attract disaster. In other words: wherever Gordon Freeman goes, disaster, mayhem and scripted action sequences are close behind, as well as a band of loyal fans chanting ‘do a flip Gordy, do a flip’. He gets frustrated signing autographs.
Top tips to surviving the imminent destruction of the world can be found after the jump.
Note: Click here for larger, and better quality image of Gordon at CERN.
In the past, Gordon and his merry band of loyal MIT graduates have torn dimensional rifts in the space-time continuum, destroyed a dark fusion reactor and many other mischievous events. It only follows that if Gordon is near the Large Hadron Collider when it fires it’s first particles tomorrow, it will explode into a flaming inferno, create several black holes and send a stray crowbar flying head-over-heels across the room into Gordon’s hand upon which he will then proceed to try and save the world, but what if he doesn’t make it this time? What if he can’t quite figure out how to save the world? What if his glasses break? Have you ever thought of that? Huh? Huh? Have you?
No you haven’t.
Just in case the world is destroyed tomorrow, in a Gordon-Freeman related explosion, here are my top three tips to surviving a black hole.
- Wear a helmet. If any debris is flying around, you need make sure your head is protected, we wouldn’t want a crowbar lodged in your skull now would we?
- Remain calm: walk, don’t run. If an army of mutant headcrabs are chasing you, make sure you stick to regulation walking speeds. Remember: slow and steady wins the race.
- Do not use a broom.
Farewell then cruel world. I’m not sure whether the head crabs or the black hole will arrive first, but I don’t think either will be particularly pleasant. Goodbye world.
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As long as John Freeman isn’t there too…or we could face some FULL LIFE CONSEQUENCES if something goes wrong!
Socket wrench, the new crowbar?
Dude, that picture scares the crap out of me… I don’t know why… It’s just eerie….
actually today they are only accelerating one proton beam up to almost light speed and thenpowering it down. then in about they will do the whole thing in reverse and they hope to get a actual collision by christmass to find the higgs boson particle which my hold the key to time travel and why objects have mass
I always thought the Swiss would cause the end of the world…neutral…riiiiight
Someone should show that scientist a pic of Gordon. He might suddenly drop everything and walk out
yeah nice, i get a present at christmas then boom, 7 hour war, damm you physics why you gotta learn more, drop a rock its falls, drop a knife, it stabs you foot. that all the physics you need to know
Well I will see you all at city 17, everybody get your guns and headcrab repellent ready.
are these scientist crazy are they trying to kill the whole humanity population
I hope doesnt RROD!
the thing is though that they mean to create black holes except they will be on a scale which is harmless to us
I hate Dan Brown, I really do. He’s got every impressionable mind on Earth thinking that the project at CERN will create an uncontrollable black hole. For a start the actual collisions of the photon beams won’t occur for up to year and even then, they’re only supposed to be recreating the particles that theoretically existed directly after the Big Bang, which will hopefully go on to explain the physical mechanics of mass.
In the inconcievably remote instance that they do create a black hole as a by-product it’ll be so ridiculously small that it will barely be able to attract a flea, let alone rip the planet apart. Those black holes are caused by imploded red giant stars, a few photon beams are hardly packing the same gravitational coefficient…
Although with Freeman there the laws of physics could go right out the window!
the main point of the experiment is to look for the “higgs boson” particle which will be the smallest particle known to man if its real. bassiclly inside the atom is a necleus which breaks down into protons and neutrons. finally inside the proton is a quirk and a quark which may contain inside of them the “god particle” or “higg boson” particle. this particle may unlock time travel and whether or not we have mass
Millions for nothing
what’s Ali-G doing there?
Where has this crazy notion of “unlocking time travel” come from?
Can someone explain that part of the theory to me because I’ve studied quantum physics and written an essay on CERN (admittedly 6 years ago), but I’ve never heard them claim it’s going to unlock “time travel” and I can’t think of a good reason that it would…
As I recall, the special theory of relativity accounts for velocity being inversely proportional to time flow (ie. time moves at a faster rate to the observer when the subject is at great velocity), so theoretically (and I’m talking a LONG way down the line), they could unlock relative time slowage, but time “travel”??? I think someone’s gotten their wires crossed…
Or my physics is just REALLY rusty lol
well. The world hasen’t been sucked into a big hole.
Eoco, you made me laugh so hard my Mom came in wondering if I was crying…