
Despite any games that actually utilize the device, Wii enthusiasts from Tokyo to Oshkosh lined up for days to try and be one of the first to own Nintendo’s brand new Wii peripheral, the Wii Severed-Goat-Head. When the doors opened this morning at a Best Buy in Miami, the excited crowd turned violent as several people were hurt in a human stampede.
“I got my Wii Severed Goat’s Head,” said one man, holding the bloody head up for all to see. “I’m putting it on eBay today!”
Incredible details after the jump!
While Nintendo’s critics say it’s just another gimmick by Nintendo to suck more money out of its uninformed fan base, several industry experts are defending the product as being nothing short of revolutionary.
“At NPD we’ve been watching the Severed Goat Head throughout its development with great anticipation,” said analyst Judola Chopsmith. “If successful, and we believe it will be, this opens up a whole new revenue stream for video game companies. Within a year, I think you’ll see Playstation 3 rabbit’s feet, or Xbox 360 roadkill hitting the market trying to take advantage of this trend.”
Early numbers indicated that the Wii Severed Goat’s Head has already outsold Wii Fit as the hottest peripheral for the Wii.
“I can’t wait to get this home and see what the hell it does,” said one woman. “It really doesn’t matter though because it’s Nintendo and I’m a brainwashed soccer mom who doesn’t have a clue what I am dropping my hard earned money on. It’s Nintendo so it must be cool, right?”
Estimates show that it may be as long as 2 months before more Wii Severed Goat Heads arrive to restock store shelves, leaving many insiders to suspect that Nintendo has orchestrated yet another artificial shortage to boost demand within its fan base, a charge denied by an official memo released by the company this morning. It reads:
Nintendo is committed to severing the heads of as many goats as possible to ensure that we meet the growing need in every region for our mindless customer base to posses a Wii Severed Goat Head regardless of any practical application for the peripheral. We understand that current supply shortages can be quite frustrating, however we have just reached a deal with a major goat supplier that should help us ramp up production to more than 50,000 decapitations per day. Please be patient.
Well I got mine this morning, and I have to say this thing is pretty frickin cool. My favorite part is that it’s totally wireless!


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8 responses so far ↓
1 Xemnas // Aug 22, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Which vein do I plug the charger into?
2 Eoco // Aug 22, 2008 at 6:23 pm
I particularly like the ‘rotting’ feature.
3 Ranzkin // Aug 22, 2008 at 7:51 pm
I do hope the eyes has built-in webcam!
4 Tondog // Aug 22, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Did they happen to get the goats from Sony?
http://kotaku.com/gaming/meat-soup/goatgate-sonys-side-of-the-story-256325.php
5 Pablos102030 // Aug 22, 2008 at 11:59 pm
I’ll stick to Flushwolf, thanks.
6 Legendary Hooligan // Aug 23, 2008 at 12:08 am
good thing they’re flying off the shelves, they’d start to stink if they’re in stock for too long…
7 anthonyjh // Aug 24, 2008 at 3:11 am
Hahaha! The best fiction Friday article yet.
8 BoxOfFun // Aug 26, 2008 at 8:51 am
Wii Severed-Goat-Head? If Nintendo actually went through with this, they’d get slaughtered by PETA.
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