Yes, so it’s a little bit late. SoulCalibur IV has been out for almost a month now and yet here comes silly ole Sarcastic Gamer with a review way too late. Not our fault though. If you have any beef with the timing of this review, please take it up with the United States Postal Service, who you can get in contact with here.

However, if you’re not going to complain, or cry, or anything like that (or if you couldn’t care less, which I’m guessing will apply to pretty much all of you) you can head on into the late, late SoulCalibur IV review via the link just under this text right here.

As always, we’ll start with a little bit of backstory, so make yourself comfortable. SoulCalibur IV is, as you might have guessed, the fourth installment in the SoulCalibur series but is in fact game number six in the entire Soul series, which began in 1996 with the original PSone game Soul Edge, known as Soul Blade in western markets. Each game has revolved around the stories of various medieval characters (think 1600s) and their attempts to get their grubby mitts on two mystical swords known as Soul Edge and Soul Calibur for either personal gain or valiant deeds.

The twist is that the Soul games revolve around weapon based combat and the unique styles that come with them. Different characters uses different weapons and so strategies have to be altered depending on what you use: go for the short sword and be nippy yet vulnerable, or opt for a giant axe and carry out brutal attacks at the expense of maneuverability?

Each attack is based around two buttons, for horizontal and vertical attacks, as well as kicks and guards to prevent yourself from harm, and when combined with the eight-way movements available a vast (but critically, simple) range of moves are available with a few taps of a joypad.

In the time of SoulCalibur IV, the latest threat to mankind and the hopes of our valiant motley crew of ninjas, medieval cyborgs, lizards, pirates and improbably-proportioned English noble ladies (oh and Dark Sith Lords) is some bloke called Algol. Algol’s made his own versions of the two Soul swords (that’s Edge and Calibur, keep up) and plans to use them to rule the world an-look, I’m sorry but the story is just awful and it doesn’t make any sense.

The lengthy, written (written!) paragraphs that litter each character’s storyline are drawn out and confusingly ambiguous to the point where you just don’t bother watching them and immediately hit the skip button the moment they pop up on screen. Fortunately, just in case you skipped the cutscenes, there’s an entire menu dedicated to linking each and every character in the SoulCalibur universe. How useful!

Story gubbins aside, there’s plenty to offer in SoulCalibur IV if scrapping is your thing. In order to prevent people from simply blocking for the entirety of a match, the introduction of a “Soul Gauge” means that those used to blocking will find themselves quickly rendered vulnerable as their character’s stamina is worn away, eventually leaving themselves open to an instant-KO “Critical Finish” attack.

Clothing can also be worn away (with a resounding ‘clang’, which sounds a wee bit odd if it’s fabric you’ve been hacking away at) which not only pleases the fanboys drowning in puddles of ‘glee’ but also gives the attacker a strategic advantage, as the newly-exposed flesh is super-vulnerable to attack. To top it all off the Star Wars characters get an extra special gauge all to themselves restricting the use of their Force powers: use ‘em too much and they’ll become dazed and open to attack.

Ah, yes, the Star Wars characters; both a blessing and a curse. Find out why over the page.

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