Day 3 did not start well. I was bullied, beaten and forced to go on what’s known as a W-A-L-K. Walks have to be, above all, the stupidest idea anyone has ever come up with. I hate them. However, I’ve figured out a sure fire way of avoiding them.

Day 3 of my blogging adventure continues after the jump.

Unfortunately this is the last in the series of my little feature, so lap it up.

After being told that we were going for a walk, I suddenly became very environmentally conscious and boldly proclaimed that I didn’t want to trek out into the godforsaken wasteland that is the countryside, because I didn’t want to damage the environment. As you might expect I was met with bewildered looks and much throwing of tomatoes, but I ploughed on in what can only be described as a speech. If you go walking as an alternative method to a car, on a journey you have to do anyway, then yes, you are not damaging the environment. However, if you are walking for pure pleasure, then you are damaging the environment (as well as being a masochist). Let me explain.

If you walk as a recreational activity, then you are using more energy than if you didn’t go for a walk and stayed at home. By burning extra energy, you are using up calories quicker than if you remained at home. As more energy has been used up, it will need to be replenished with more food and drink, which has to be bought. Each item of food and drink you eat has either been in a plane or on a boat at some point – both of which use fuel. If you buy food and drink that, if you hadn’t gone on a walk, you wouldn’t otherwise consume , then you are using up more of the shop’s stock and requiring them to bring in more stock than if you hadn’t bought anything. This results in burning fuels to get food and drink to the shop, thereby damaging the environment.

My other, slightly stronger, argument for not going on this journey to hell, was that heavy rain had been forecast. I told my ‘friends’ that I thought the Met Office’s weather predicting skills were a lot better than theirs, but I was told to ’shut up’ and, since my puny arms were powerless to resist, was made to take off my Mega Man outfit and put on more suitable clothing. So we set out on a walk and initially it wasn’t too bad. However, as predicted, it then began to rain. I then complained constantly for the rest of the journey about how ‘if I wanted to get wet, I would have had a shower’ and other more profanity stricken phrases.

Walks are the most idiotic, masochistic, wastes of time I have ever taken part in and I don’t intend to again. For a blogger like myself, I have adopted a sedentary lifestyle. I make sure I get all the vitamin D I need by turning my screen up to full brightness and having a 15 minute tanning session everyday. For exercise I get out of my chair and get into bed each night. Despite all this I’m not overweight, so I must be doing something right.

Anyway that’s enough about walking *shudder*.

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