Here’s another community blog post from SGC member Peace Bunny, who comes forth with some nature notes on that bizarre, fascinating creature known as the fanboy. (The bloke in the image above is David Attenborough, a British nature expert.) Remember, getting your moment on the front page is as easy as joining the forums and writing in your own personal blog. If your post’s good enough (funny, well-written, intelligent) it could end up right here. Good work again, Peace Bunny.
The fanboy (scientific name Xboticus Fanbodium) is a bizarre creature. Typically male, he ponders the lands of both the real world and the virtual, seeking innocents and their opinions. Each fanboy will have his own set of strong and bias opinions, typically based beyond the concepts of reason or logic. As soon as a contrasting opinion is discovered the real devilish nature of the fanboy is revealed.
As much fanboy communication is done through the internet, physical violence is often not possible, so they will normally resort to three key written weapons. The first is the derogatory term, of which there are many, including claiming that the victim is a homosexual. It is thought that this bizarre attack on sexual orientation is derived from the ancient God of Fanboys, who, according to fanboy mythology, regularly disagreed with his homosexual brother.
The second written weapon is the exclamation mark. In fanboy culture, the exclamation mark is seen as the ‘dotted line of truth’, and so automatically makes the preceding sentence correct. For example, ‘Halo is the best’ would be a sentence without much meaning to a fanboy, but ‘Halo is the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ is a sentence that is clearly and ultimately true.
The third written weapon is intentional spelling errors. It is common fanboy knowledge that the average opinionated man has a great fear of grammatical or spelling mistakes. They use this to their advantage, with the idea being to scare the innocent into argument submission, with sentences such as ‘Y dnt U fuk of, halo is defo betta dan COD4’.
Many are unsure on the reproduction of fanboys, as they spend the majority of their lives in total isolation, and are widely considered to be asexual by the scientific commissions. Some more experimental biologists believe that the fanboy is in fact a former human being either trained by an internet cult system, or (and more likely) infected by brain melting parasite (known as fanboycruorcrumboisicus)
The majority of fanboys are little more than an annoyance to those who have honest opinions, although there have been cases of real-world confrontation with the beasts. If you ever find yourself in such a tragic situation, experts suggest to make yourself as large as possible by waving your arms in the air, and to try and avoid making any comments about loading times or storyline flaws.
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10 responses so far ↓
1 Peace Bunny // Jul 16, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Thanks again guys, enjoy
2 VincentCyStrife // Jul 16, 2008 at 1:44 pm
However the same can be said about any system. Although the ones I can not stand are the defend to the death PS3 kind. I have had to cut ties with some friends because of this. Just because they would bash the 360 every chance they got.
3 Prophet // Jul 16, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Must not have been important friends if you would drop them over making fun of an electronic device…
4 freefile19 // Jul 16, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Great job Peace Bunny, hope to see more stuff from you soon
5 Peace Bunny // Jul 16, 2008 at 2:51 pm
thanks freefile19
take it easy dude
6 Bumblebear // Jul 16, 2008 at 3:46 pm
There are reasons to hate anything
reasons to hate the xbox (mine died yesterday again, damn rrod)
and the ps3…god damn it let me invite my friends
Your definately right that fanboys seem to hate gay people, and everyone who doesn’t like halo is gay aparently
(Omg i am homosesxual? :O)
Getting rid of friends cos they hate the xbox is rather…odd, we should unite…and hate M$ (and the people who stopped the bungie announcement) together!!!!!
Lots of ! inserted to motivate fanboys
7 VincentCyStrife // Jul 16, 2008 at 3:56 pm
See it was the fact that I could not have one phone call without every five minutes where they would bash anything other than the PS3. And the fact that they owed me a new PS2, and money…
I do agree on the alliance to hate the people who stopped bungie from announcing their new game.
8 paulmess7 // Jul 16, 2008 at 5:16 pm
ahhh!!!!!!
I just realized how much of an Xbot I am!!!!!
But MS brings joy to my life!!! Peace Bunny is root of evil!!!!!
9 SilverTorch // Jul 16, 2008 at 5:46 pm
lol, I’d like to see a fanboy read this
10 kaan the cool // Jul 18, 2008 at 7:35 am
Great article! But why was it xbox centered?
Sure we havae fanboys, but the ps3 fanboys are the worst.Sure if you like the ps3 why should i care but if you engage me in a argument i’ll fight for my opinion, but the ps3 fanboys don’t uncerstand that.
And they defend the ps3 for the wrong reasons…Graphics fairly better than the 360, but not that much, lack-of RRoD(which means lack of 3 year warranty),there’s no annoying 10 year olds(this is by-far the most talked about problem , at least we get headsets …WITH A MUTE FUNCTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), when they should be talking about stuff like PSP-PS3 support, the web browser, a few great exclusives(I count MGS4 as a movie from now on), a better dashboard, 100%bacwards compatability and the like.
I’m not trying to raise the question on which console is better, just trying to show why fanboys are so bad.
On the headset function that was to shut everyone up about it, and Halo 3 was decent-not great-like MGS4.
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