The Penny Arcade Expo (PAX) guys have had tremendous success with their gaming shows for consumers over the last few years, but their success has been a double edged sword. They’ve roughly doubled in size year after year. Exponential growth like that cannot go unchecked as it would only take a few more years before they would outgrow any venue in the entire Pacific Northwest. According to the latest media briefing from the PAX organizers, they think they’ve come up with a solution to manage their ever-increasing attendance issues, and they can thank the Swedes.

Starting with PAX ‘08, the entire exhibition hall will be modeled after an IKEA store’s layout. No longer will it feature a free-roaming “go directly where you want” floor plan, PAX ‘08 will be set up as one extremely long, windy maze that offers one-way traffic by every exhibitor in attendance. The idea came about when the organizers were out on an errand to buy some more chairs for their office break room. Snaking through the IKEA store for 45 minutes to get to the chairs (which were a mere 30 feet from the store’s entrance) just “set off an alarm bell in my head” said organizer Mark DeBring. While the initial fan reaction to this news has been mixed, some of the PAX exhibitors are quite ecstatic about change of plans.

Mark Shelby, speaking on behalf of Ubisoft’s “Imagine” series of games for the DS said “Wow, I was really not looking forward to attending PAX. Nobody gives a s**t about these games and I took this position primarily out of the bonus plan which is tied directly to sales of the products, I don’t make jack if these don’t sell. We’re just upstream from Rock Band 2, people are going to be stuck in front of our booth for HOURS upon HOURS. I plan on setting up a little sales area where, get this… I’ll sell $25 ice cold sodas that come with a free copy of Imagine: Wedding Planner and Imagine: Pregnant at 16. I’m going to make a fortune! Between these nerds thinking there might be a bachelor party mode in Wedding Planner and they might see some skin in Pregnant at 16, combined with the fact that they’ll be thirsty… let’s just say I stand to double my sales this year from PAX alone!”

Not everyone shares the same sentiments though as the bathrooms are also a part of the serpentine line. When asked how the exhibitors will be able to manage restroom breaks, we’ve been told that PAX organizers are providing portable curtained stalls with what amounts to basically an RV porta-potty in them. We were able to speak to one of the female exhibitors about her take on this development.

Kristy Rhodes from Activision said “If these guys think I’m dropping my pants within the confines of the exhibition hall, their batsh*t crazy! Last year, my girlfriend Susan wore this little miniskirt to the show and when she realized the geeks were coordinating to drop things just inside the booth so their buddies on the other side would get a good look up her skirt, she stepped behind a curtained area we had in our booth to change into some shorts. She saw her bare ass on the internet two weeks later, face and all! She ended up quitting the company because she couldn’t stand the public humiliation that her coworkers had seen her half naked. Huh uh, that’s not happening to me. I’m not eating OR drinking the before or during the show each day of PAX… I’m not peeing in a bucket to have some peeping Tom geek snap a picture of my cootchie!”

While the floorplan itself hasn’t been fully finalized (these are video game geeks organizing this show, they’re having trouble deciding which maze generation algorithm to use,) one thing’s for certain. PAX this year promises to be something that won’t likely be forgotten in short order.

We’re just hoping we’ll get a couple laps in before it’s closing time.

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