UPDATE: We’ll, I’ve been had. It’s Fragmaster, a SomethingAwful contributor, who’s kindly gotten in touch (following my request, to be fair) to congratulate me on looking like a right royal doofus. Still, I think he fooled a few of us, so hats off to you. I’ve left the original post intact so you can have a giggle at my expense. Yamster out.
Wow, and I thought our very own community’s fanboys were terrible. YouTube is already alight with anger over Square’s decision to release Final Fantasy XIII on the Xbox 360 at the same time as the PlayStation 3. Square fanboys are deriding the company for ‘betraying its fanbase’ and PlayStation fanboys are full of rage at the fact that they’ve lost an exclusive. Oddly, as far as I can see, Microsoft’s fanboys have been quite restrained, which is astonishing.
Still, there’s just one (pictured above) that just takes the biscuit. Hit the jump to see the (foul-mouthed) video and enjoy a mid-E3 breather before we launch into yet more conference coverage.
0:00: “I humbly submit to you, the gaming public…” Okay, it looks like he’s not being too serious, putting on a posh kinda accent. Maybe he’s not really gonna complain about FFXIII hitting up the 360…
0:12: “I don’t know how much you know about Japanese culture-I’m an expert.” Oh God, he’s not kidding. He’s gone all whiny and nasally and it’s unbearable to watch but hysterical at the same time.
0:20: “It’s not like AMERICA, where you can become successful by being an ASSHOLE.” Wow, he’s really spitting now, he’s going insane over this!
0:40: “NOBODY in Japan is going to purchase Final Fantasy XIII for EITHER SYSTEM, nor will they purchase any of Square’s future games.” This is just after claiming that Square need to ‘repent’ for their mistakes. Oh man, the sneering in his voice is just unbearable, it’s like he really believes he’s some sort of genuine expert on video game markets. When he remarks “This is huge” afterwards, I’m convinced he’s talking about his ego.
0:58: “I personally do not admire this game anymore…we will NOT buy this game!!” I’m sure Square will mourn the loss of a single nerdy fanboy. He’s ordering us to not buy the game and leave it to the 360 so the game can be pirated, causing Square Enix massive damage (turning them over and hitting their weakpoint, presumably) because of their loss of a turnover, no pun intended. Of course, since he’s obviously the market expert he purports to be, we can assume this is going to happen and that Square’s stake in the PS3 market is doomed.
Some more awkward social commentary awaits on page two…
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20 responses so far ↓
1 Prophet // Jul 15, 2008 at 12:23 pm
ugh…this guy is a fairly well known act on the internets…it is fake and supposed to be funny…which it is.
2 TempleDog // Jul 15, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Bloody hell on a cracker, we North Americans are spoiled. Spoiled, spoiled, spoiled.
3 Krelith // Jul 15, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Holy crap I just laughed so hard I almost fell off my chair
4 Animathias // Jul 15, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Bah! This is hilarity.
How dare a company try to sell as many copies of their game as possible on as many systems as possible.
The idea that people are getting in such a tizzy over this is quite hilarious.
5 Otacon91 // Jul 15, 2008 at 12:29 pm
You do know that video is a joke right and you just fell for it?
6 Reil // Jul 15, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Anyone who thought it was real for a moment, like with any other ‘angry videogame ranter’, has probably been epicly trolled.
7 instant // Jul 15, 2008 at 12:40 pm
This guy scares me.. heaven forbid anyone goes this crazy over one title
8 Kiltman67 // Jul 15, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Apparently it’s someone from Something Awful.
Do you get added gullibility when you join SG?
9 darkwonders // Jul 15, 2008 at 12:59 pm
my ears… my ears… what hell hath you unleashed on my precious ears, yamster?
10 HeavenlyYeti // Jul 15, 2008 at 2:27 pm
I’ve… never seen a person so ugly before…
11 heavyfiregrunt // Jul 15, 2008 at 2:31 pm
OH GOD KILL ME THIS IS TOO FUNNY!
12 Yamster // Jul 15, 2008 at 3:16 pm
I suppose I’ve been had
13 Warzone // Jul 15, 2008 at 3:38 pm
What’s actually funny about this joke is going to be scouring the comments around the ‘net and seeing how many fanboys actually and honestly agree.
14 Toshi // Jul 15, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Wow that nasaly voice is like a power drill being put to my teeth. Sadly humor or not I’m pretty sure there are some hardcore elitists out there saying pretty much the same thing.
15 S3AB1SCU1T // Jul 15, 2008 at 3:59 pm
LOL That’s just made my day.
hope he’s not for real.
if he is he wants a dam good slapping.
16 Awoll SGF // Jul 15, 2008 at 4:21 pm
He looks like he’s gonna die of a heart attack…
Good.
I can’t imagine what his girlfriend thinks of his obsession with japanese culture…. ooh… wait..
17 Shane86 // Jul 15, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Leave Britney Alone! WAAAH!
18 Master Devwi // Jul 15, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Oh… wow…. that guy has major issues…
19 Master Devwi // Jul 15, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Of course, he’s not real. But even though he isn’t, it’s still hilarious to watch.
20 Ozonez // Jul 24, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Who took this seriously? he drinks milk FROM A WINE GLASS.
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