Frequent visitors of this blog are probably aware that I am a huge “Soul Calibur” fan. If not, now you know. I have been eagerly awaiting the release of the latest iteration of the popular fighting franchise, which finally hits retail tomorrow.

In preparation for this momentous event, you might think that I spent a significant portion of this past weekend honing my skills. This is a logical conclusion, but incorrect nonetheless. No, I chose to forego lengthy sessions of “Soul Calibur III” for another, ultimately futile activity.

Extra details and a bit of a tirade (Rothbart owns the “rants” around here) are after the jump.

Spending some time with a previous “Soul Calibur” title (or “Soul Blade” for original Playstation owners) would have been a wise idea. I own every game in the franchise (excluding “Soul Calibur Legends”), but haven’t wielded Astaroth’s ax or swung Kilik’s staff in quite some time. In that extended period, I am confident that my abilities have gathered a substantial amount of rust.

However, rather than submit to conventional wisdom, I chose to waste my precious free time attempting to secure a pre-release copy of “Soul Calibur IV.” Needless to say, my efforts were less than successful. Sorry, I don’t like the phrase “complete failure.” It makes me feel like…well, a failure.

I do this every so often. An anticipated title nears release, and I call/visit every retailer within a 20-mile radius (Target, Wal-Mart, Meijer, Toys “R” Us, Best Buy, GameStop and EB Games), in an attempt to coax an unaware sales associate to break the street date. Alright, so I don’t coax anyone. I actually don’t even ask them directly. I usually just ask when is the first day I can purchase the game (as if I am some kind of noob).

I carry out this charade because I think that possibly, just once, I might get lucky. Unfortunately, though hope springs eternal, my efforts always end the same.

I don’t mind that retailers won’t sell me games early. They have an obligation to start selling a game on a specific date. If they break the street date, they get in trouble. I understand that.

However, what I don’t like is when some kettle head (regards from Red Foreman) purchases a big-name title prior to the release date and then post pictures and videos on the Internet for all to see. You know, the gamers that think their junk is bigger because they can play the game and you can’t.

Here is a news flash ladies and gents, posting YouTube videos of yourself playing “Soul Calibur IV” the week prior to its scheduled release does not give you street cred. What it does, is alert the developers and publishers that someone broke the agreed-upon street date. Thus, you bring unnecessary attention to the transaction and ensure that the game companies will put increased pressure on retailers not to sell games early in the future. Ergo, you potentially screw it up for the rest of us.

Why can’t you be happy with the fact that you got the game early? Why do you have to let the world know that you got to play as Darth Vader before most of the general populace? It is the epitome of the word “unnecessary.” Please stop doing it.

If you were one of the lucky individuals that have been playing “Soul Calibur IV” since last week, I congratulate you. You, you lucky S.O.B., are one of the lucky few. However, don’t post the endings or videos of the character select screen on YouTube. Trust me, it won’t make girls think that you can rip a city bus in half with your bare hands.

Realize, you are lucky, not a badass.

Now that I have released some frustration, I am off to the dentist, where I will pretend that I am playing “Soul Calibur IV” online and not in fact getting my teeth scrapped. Enjoy the rest of your day and prepare for some awesome weapons-based combat.

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