This Sunday I…
- Warned my wife what I was up to.
- Set my kids up with a stack of packaged snacks and put Noggin on so loud they couldn’t help but pay attention.
- Poured myself a huge iced tea.
- Turned off my phone.
It was my goal this Sunday to finish Grand Theft Auto 4, but thanks to a small virtual accessory, and a few other annoyances… I failed.
Find out why after the jump.
It should have been the perfect day. The stars had aligned for a record-breaking game marathon in the Doc household. My wife was going out with friends, the kids were occupied and relatively disease-free, meaning less need for daddy.
I set out trying to clear the full set of missions for each of the various characters in the game. I finished Packie, Ray, several UL missions all with ease. Then came the mission from Francis, where I was to knock off a lawyer.
“Be sure to wear a suit,” he said. What he should have said was, “Be sure to wear ONLY a suit and NOTHING ELSE WHATSOEVER.” That would have saved me 90 minutes of frustration and quiet cursing.
“Make sure to wear a suit and tie and smart shoes,” said the dialog each time I tried to enter the law offices to carry out my mission. I thought the use of the word smart seemed odd, and focused on that.
I was already dressed pretty schnazzy in a black suit and tie, with black wingtips. Maybe not GQ, but Niko Belic never looked better, in my opinion.
So I ran a block or so to Perseus to change into “SMART” shoes. Black loafers seemed smart to me. I ran back down the street and prepared to do battle with the unsuspecting attorney.
“Make sure to wear a suit and tie and smart shoes.”
Denied.
Ran back to Perseus. For God’s sake no way they want me wearing the brown loafers with the black suit. Oh well, maybe that’s SMART attire.
“Make sure to wear a suit and tie and smart shoes”
I went for the Grey suit.
“Make sure to wear a suit and tie and smart shoes”
Okay. Maybe SMART shoes means I need something I can run in. Sadly Perseus doesn’t carry that sort of sportswear, so I caught a cab back to my safehouse and changed into some combat boots.
“Make sure to wear smart shoes”
Okay this is progress.
I know my suit must be okay because it dropped off the dialog. I sprinted down to Perseus trying not to miss my 5th interview appointment at this point, and tried the brown and white shoes. Strangely, with a grey suit… it worked. I looked good.
“Make sure to wear a suit and tie and smart shoes”
What?!? Huh? My suit was fine but somehow these shoes made it NOT FINE? I looked at the clock. Lunch time was coming for the kiddos. This meant not only feeding them something somewhat healthy, but interacting with them and cleaning up the mess. No way. I am finishing this mission if it killed me. I Googled “Smart Shoes” GTA4.
No help.
Okay. Let’s try this again. Black suit, boots.
“Make sure to wear a suit and tie and smart shoes”
Black suit wingtips (again)
“Make sure to wear a suit and tie and smart shoes”
Grey Suit black loafers.
“Make sure to wear a suit and tie and smart shoes”
God-awful brown and white shoes and black suit.
“Make sure to wear a suit and tie and smart shoes”
At this point I had missed at least 6 appointments, but I guess the law firm I was about to assail was a pretty forgiving place. That or they REALLY needed to fill an EEOC position with a white male from Russia.
I thought about it. I studied my character from top to bottom. Other than my sunglasses there’s not a thing on me that’s not a suit and tie and “Smart Shoes” whatever the hell that means.
But.. wait. No. No way. No way Jose! It’s not possible that it was my sunglasses that were keeping me from commencing this mission. I ran to Perseus. How the hell do I take these off to test this theory. Oh yeah.
I drove all the way across town to the safehouse to take off a pair of sunglasses.
I cabbed it back to the Law offices, just in time for midnight to roll around. Couldn’t do the mission until regular business hours.
I waited that out trying to jump a garbage truck off of a dumpster with varied results. Got a hooker too. Hey it was late… and I was bored. We really had that Trashmaster rocking.
Okay. Business hours. Dropped off the hoe.
My character has literally been trying on clothes for days (in game time) trying start an interview that he plans on bombing at because the interviewer is most likely going to die.
Here I am. Front door. Breath held. Step up.
“Make sure to wear smart shoes”
NO GOD!!!!d WAY! This is ridiculous! This game is broken! It’s totally screwed up! I just give up! Screw GTA 4 and its bugs! Scre… wait. Oh yeah. How am I wearing sneakers? Must have accidentally put those own back at my crib.
FOR THE LAST TIME, I ran to Perseus, where I’d already dropped about 50 grand on shoes and suits I already owned back at my safehouse, and picked up the black wing tips.
If this didn’t work I was going to immediately trade the game on Playswitch.
Ran back down to the law offices. Approached the door, sweating like a fat man in a panda outfit. This is it.
Beep Beep. The yellow arrow disappears.
What the? Is this part of the mission? No.
I missed my interview just as I approached the door.
It’s a good thing I had Noggin on UBER loud, because at this point I was saying things I didn’t even know I knew. I am pretty sure I blamed the Pope, John Lennon, and some kid from third grade in my hail of frustrated insults. My next interview was slated for the next day at 11am.
Rather than amuse myself in a gun battle or with more garbage truck tricks, I decided to head back to the safehouse and sleep the time away.
I returned the next morning, early for my appointment, and waited for the yellow arrow to appear. There it was.
I ran towards it like Nel Carter zeroing in on an eclair. My heart raced. My eyes popped. My hands clenched the controller.
Black Screen.
Loading.
I was so excited I almost knocked over my Xbox.
It was the sunglasses after all. That tiny accessory kept me from finishing the game, along with a few other little issues. For instance, I found out Kate likes to play darts, and I figured chicks who play darts probably also like to bowl. But when I took her to the bowling alley nothing happened. the guy at the counter just stared at me. I wasn’t prompted to hit LB to buy a game or anything. Total B.S. Never figured that one out. Instead I took her for a ride off a cliff on a motorcycle. I don’t remember much after that.
Still I tried and tried to finish. I gave up around 2am.
Called Lono to tell him I was almost done this morning, explained to him where I left off.
“Oh dude, you still have like 20 missions to go,” he said laughing.
Son of a b!tch.
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22 responses so far ↓
1 Tinman // Jun 2, 2008 at 5:44 pm
I wore a black suit, red tie with black wingtips. It’s pretty shmexy.
2 CaViE // Jun 2, 2008 at 5:46 pm
I Lol’d all the way through.. Sad things dude.. Good luck finishing it next time..
3 VinDali // Jun 2, 2008 at 5:48 pm
I spent about 45 minutes trying to figure out what to wear for the interview before going online and finding that you had to lose the glasses too.
drove me crazy.
4 iPwn1011 // Jun 2, 2008 at 5:53 pm
That sucks dude. I haven’t finished it either. Free mode is such a time-waster
5 ater // Jun 2, 2008 at 5:58 pm
in the land of man in Doc’s garage where he plays games
6 DeathByWaffle // Jun 2, 2008 at 6:00 pm
I literally JUST finished doing that mission, and the EXACT same thing happened to me. I had a suit and tie on already, with some “smart” shoes. In fact, it was deemed good enough for when I dressed up for a previous Packie mission, but apparently it wasn’t good enough for the interview.
7 Sean // Jun 2, 2008 at 6:02 pm
…got it on my first try, because i never waste money on clothes…
8 Yamster // Jun 2, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Must just be luck of the wardrobe.
I ended up having a black suit with red tie and the black shoes with the little silvery bits on the front on, first outfit I picked on in Perseus.
See, I might not be good at describing them, but I’ve subconsciously got that sense of style.
9 MosEisley // Jun 2, 2008 at 7:32 pm
Just walk up to the bowling lane and it will prompt you to press lb.
10 Doc // Jun 2, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Tried that. Didn’t work.
I couldn’t find the yellow arrow, although we did approach from a long walk on the beach (it could have worked)
11 Doc // Jun 2, 2008 at 7:45 pm
hah @ the women’s shoes ad that Google decided this post was related to.
12 Kiltman67 // Jun 2, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Never had any problems with the clothing whenever I’ve been told to change. Just picked the first suitable looking outfit that I liked.
What has annoyed me though are the appointments. Seems to happen most often with first dates. You’re told at like 5am that you have to meet someone at 12 and then you have to work out what to do for the next 7 hours.
You could just sleep, but you might end up missing it and having to wait another 7 hours. You can’t start another mission, because you don’t know how long it’ll take. So boredom sets in and you do the only thing left to do; Go on a killing spree, 5 stars later you’ve either been killed or busted and you’ve missed the appointment.
Not quite sure when I’m actually going to get to finish the game. I lost the weekend to CoD4 which lured me back and now I’m trying to finish it on Legendary and collect all the intel. Then next week MGS4 is out and those 90 minute cutscenes are going to eat up all my time.
13 Lurkero // Jun 2, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Lol…the article spawned a “women’s shoes” ad.
Anyways, I don’t see why you had such a problem with the mission. I’m sure you knew that sunglasses were not “interview” material.
Though it is pretty lame considering you were gonna kill the guy anyways.
14 SilverTorch // Jun 2, 2008 at 11:44 pm
good thing I never noticed those sun glasses in the store or I might have had the same problem
15 SilverTorch // Jun 2, 2008 at 11:47 pm
@Kiltman67
btw the highest difficulty for CoD4 is verteran not legendary
16 Shade // Jun 3, 2008 at 7:59 am
Same thing happened to me. I was running to and from Perseus like crazy. But one of the messages said “make sure to *only* wear suit and tie and smart shoes” (or something to that effect, my *bold*) that tipped me off to the glasses. I sprinted to PlayboyX’s flat like crazy trying to make the appointment, and sure enough, after dropping the glasses… They let me in (one reschedule only).
It’s just really dumb that it won’t take your glasses (or hat!) off automatically. I mean, freaking *doh*. Most of the time I was heading back home to PUT the glasses on, since they would sometimes disappear between missions. Goshdarnit.
Kate is picky. She doesn’t like shows (Comedy or Cabaret) either… Stuff is just closed. You can tell since the yellow arrow outside doesn’t appear. Unfortunately, there’s no way to tell that from the map.
I’ve finished the game since, BTW.
It’s fun… A great game, overall. But the appointments/dating suck. Once I got an email asking me to pick the girl up on Friday at 12pm. It was 1pm, so I automatically failed and it took a while for her ad to show up again. 
Cheers!
17 andyg // Jun 3, 2008 at 8:15 am
ughhh that mission needed to be more forgiving… i went thru the same thing trying to figure out what “smart shoes” were since nothing said “smart shoes” in the store… that mission was fun when you actually start playing it, but just to get to it SUCKED balls… You have one more mission like that but its very forgiving… either that, or i just got it right the first time lol…
18 MgckSpiral1 // Jun 3, 2008 at 8:43 am
I may be wrong about this, but i think if you get on a motorcycle and he puts the helmet on, then it automatically takes any headwear off. I have experienced the disappearing sunglasses also, and that’s the only reason i can figure.
19 Platinum_Seet // Jun 3, 2008 at 10:33 pm
I got it on the first try… You just the biggest douche of an outfit (black tux and a tie) and shiny ass black shoes and your done…
WTF?!?! I honestly don’t understand how so many people were held up on this one…
20 DaniousUchiha // Jun 3, 2008 at 11:41 pm
beat the game in a week but had it for a year i never actually played it just beat the crap out of people lolz so fun
21 cj // Jun 7, 2008 at 1:51 pm
I just went into Persues and chose the first suit there was and got the shoes in the back left stand of the shop.
22 John James // Sep 24, 2008 at 5:21 pm
As a lawyer myself I did it almost instantly - no problem there. Plus the guy is not Russian - he is a Serb.
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