Fans of the popular Splinter Cell series were up in arms last week when Doc first reported that Michael Ironside, the voice of Sam Fisher, might not be reprising the role in the next iteration of the series (Conviction). In response to the rumors, angry gamers worldwide decided to flood Internet message boards with derogatory remarks aimed squarely at Ubisoft management.

Bob “Generic Name” Smith, a longtime fan of the series, voiced his displeasure to Sarcastic Gamer.

I can’t believe this is happening. I mean, Michael Ironside is Sam Fisher. Now we will probably have to settle for Jimmy Fallon (said as he shuttered noticeably). First Assassin’s Creed and now this. Does Ubisoft even care about producing quality titles anymore?

Ubisoft, the company behind the Splinter Cell series, has remained silent on the issue. However, a source inside the company has just provided Sarcastic Gamer with some huge news.

Continue reading to get the full story.

Earlier this week, Doc, the super journalist that he is, reported that the change was made because Ironside was pissing and moaning about his monetary compensation. Apparently, Ubisoft was offering a lifetime supply of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Ironside scoffed at the idea and demanded turkey on whole wheat.

Sarcastic Gamer has since been able to confirm that Ironside has indeed been shown the door. However, the informant also revealed that the company, which had been interviewing possible replacements for months, has already chosen Ironside’s successor.

Though fans will have to wait a few days for the official announcement (expected to come next Monday), Sarcastic Gamer has learned the identity of the new voice of Sam Fisher. Drum roll please. The next Sam Fisher is none other than former WWF champion, Warrior. No, I did not make that name up. The man actually went into a court of law and had his name legally changed to Warrior.

The once popular entertainer, best known as the Ultimate Warrior during the late 80s and early 90s, has kept relatively quiet since leaving the world of professional wrestling. However, news recently hit the Internet that Warrior is planning on returning to the ring soon. Some have speculated that the Warrior camp is using the Sam Fisher role to introduce the iconic character to a whole new generation. With the hype surrounding his in-ring return at a whisper, the career move will certainly help Warrior attract some media attention (probably only from us though).

This morning, I took a break from my delicious bowl of Boo Berry cereal to contact Warrior for comment.

The day is coming. The heavens are opening. The clash of the titans is upon us. I am not an immortal man, but I feel the power of Zeus coursing through my veins. The unstoppable force of the Warrior will soon be unleashed upon the world once more. Do you feel that small shock running up and down your spine? That is the power and the ferocity of the Warrior building. Then, when the time is right, indescribable pain will be unleashed upon my enemies. Beware, for the day of reckoning is at hand.

Editor’s note: The conversation was considerably longer, but had to be edited due to the fact that 98 percent of it comprised of loud huffing and puffing.

Yves Guillemot, the CEO of Ubisoft, was also contacted for comment. He refused to confirm or deny any of the information, but did fax a picture of himself wearing neon face paint and fluorescent tassels around his biceps.

Splinter Cell fans clamoring for more Ironside are encouraged to rent a copy of “Starship Troopers.” As a bonus, the movie also stars Dina Meyer and Denise Richards.

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