Word just came from a reliable source that, in its haste to own every First Person Shooter franchise possible, Electronic Arts has accidentally acquired the rights to the popular kitchen gadget Salad Shooter for more than 80 million dollars.
“This is very disappointing,” said our source. “Our alarms started going off at the corporate offices, which indicates that there is a shooter franchise that we do not own. We mobilized 3 acquisition teams plus a guy with the Secret Checkbook. It wasn’t until they returned that evening that we realized our mistake.”
Some experts weren’t so certain that this was a mistake at all. Fred Hopper, a wall street analyst who specializes in the entertainment and culinary sectors, told us EA could be trying to move into the food vertical, in order to expand it’s financial portfolio.
“Time will tell what the real situation is,” said Hopper. “If they stick to their current methods of operation, I predict they’ll own at least half of the world’s salad-producing capacity by fall.”
We are told by several insiders that lunch rooms at all of EA’s studios do seem to be making a menu adjustment, while lettuce farmers across the US have reported a spike in some geographic orders. Luke Jones, with Luke’s Lettuce Enterprises says his new number one market is Redwood City.
“I sure hope their employees like salad,” said Jones, “because their about to eat enough roughage to clean out a herd of cattle.”
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12 responses so far ↓
1 brandon // Jun 6, 2008 at 3:48 pm
lol EA is so mad they bought a salad shoooter hahahahaha!!! Rachel ray hahahaha
2 sean // Jun 6, 2008 at 3:49 pm
First! but not really funny, but that explains the take2 takeover…
3 aenima // Jun 6, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Unlucky brandon, duped by the Fiction Friday
4 Doc // Jun 6, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Fish!
5 MojoJojo // Jun 6, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Fish indeed! You’ve got a keeper there, Doc!
Heh heh heh, luckily they didn’t buy the ’salad tossing’ franchise!
6 slik1000 // Jun 6, 2008 at 6:56 pm
no one does Fiction Friday like Doc
7 Pablos102030 // Jun 6, 2008 at 8:32 pm
Fred Hoppe is my Grandpas name…
And my dad is in the produce business…
wtf is going on here?
8 Essence // Jun 6, 2008 at 8:40 pm
They might own a lot of the first person shooters but they dont own Far Cry 2
9 Destyn // Jun 7, 2008 at 9:39 am
“Our alarms started going off at the corporate offices, which indicates that there is a shooter franchise that we do not own”
…lmao. Very good Doc, very very good.
10 Legendary Hooligan // Jun 7, 2008 at 11:31 am
you spelled “they’re” wrong.
funny article. maybe we’ll see a Rachel Ray player model in this title. *shudders*
11 Sven // Jun 8, 2008 at 12:01 am
Dude, I played that game. It was pretty fun. The graphics were really good and w/ the seperate shooter peripheral, over all it was pretty sweet.
haha, nice FF article Doc
12 winkyco03 // Jun 8, 2008 at 1:10 pm
im new to sarcastic gamer but thank god i heard about fiction friday on the pod cast or i would of been caught lol good one doc
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