So there’s been a lot of fuss over some game called Diablo III. From what I can guess from the title, it’s about some kind of Satan-esque character and it’s the second sequel in the series. Oh, and it’s from the guys who make that waste of time we lovingly address as World of Warcraft. That’s about as informed as I am, and that’s about as much as I could care about it.
Frankly, I’ve never played it and don’t really want to… Get your torches ready, again. Here I come to lay into a game I’ve never even played.
Diablo is an utter mystery to me. I’ve no idea what genre it is, until 5 minutes ago I had no idea who made it. In fact, the only time I’ve ever been aware of the series’ existence was when I caught sight of a Diablo II cardboard stand in a games shop in Amsterdam, some eight years ago. A quick Wiki-search reveals that Diablo is a “dark fantasy-themed action role-playing game”, but since it’s Wikipedia we can’t trust it, so I’m going to assume that it’s a racing game.
So, Diablo III is the third game in the racing series which apparently revolves around some devilish racing cars. Then again, maybe I’m wrong so let’s have a glance at the plot synopsis…“Mephisto, Diablo, and Baal have been defeated, but the Worldstone, which once shielded the world of Sanctuary from the forces of both the High Heavens and the Burning Hells, has been destroyed, and evil once again stirs in Tristram….”
Right, either I’m really, really wrong about the genre or the Worldstone is some kind of awesome racing championship trophy, and those three guys mentioned at the start are your previous racing rivals, that you totally owned last season. Although, why you’d destroy your own championship trophy?
Maybe a glance at some screenshots will clear all of this up?
Oh no, it’s isometric. We’ve gone back to 2001, and it’s Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance all over again. Seven years later, Blizzard haven’t realized that it’s…er, seven years later. Isometrics might be fine and dandy for portable consoles that might not be able to render full 3-D environments. Geez… I bet there was some kind of moment where a Blizzard employee thought, “man this’ll be great for strategy, or something like that” but come on; this is 2008. Isometric perspectives are so last generation.
What’s really surprising me at the moment, is that this game even exists. Diablo II was released in 2000! Where did the decision come from, eight years on, to create a new sequel? If you listen carefully, you might just hear the cautious mooing of Blizzard’s cash cow. Sure, games make comebacks (examples, Stardust and Warhawk, which both made current-gen appearances based on previous franchises of the same names) but to create a sequel to a franchise 8 years on, rather than reinventing the franchise completely is bordering on ridiculous and it’s making Blizzard’s intentions perfectly clear. Well, they are in my opinion anyway.
How many “Diablo Clones” have you played since 2000? The Dungeon Siege series, Neverwinter Nights, or any of the dungeon crawlers on the PSP; the genre’s been rehashed so many times that Diablo III is almost a clone of a clone. Where’s the innovation? If Blizzard doesn’t take this to the next level, will anyone care, aside from the remains of the Diablo fanboys and their broken-hip Zimmer frame brigade?
Do any of the modern console gamers even care? Will this bring you back to the PC?
So then, Diablo III. Completely anonymous, old-fashioned (and not in a ‘retro charm’ kind of way), now horridly unoriginal and smelling discretely of cash cow. Count me out, to be frank; s’not like I’ve ever heard of it anyway.
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37 responses so far ↓
1 instant // Jun 30, 2008 at 10:58 am
im with you on the isometric perspective…. i played the first and second..they were nice, but better as memories
2 Thunder // Jun 30, 2008 at 11:10 am
I am with you on the cash cow’s but unlike you I dont base my games on graphics I like a game that looks ok or good but more of the game play that it offers me. 2 many new games are all about graphics for 3 to 4 hours of gameplay for my hard earned 50 bucks.
3 Finch // Jun 30, 2008 at 12:37 pm
really??? reallly?….
im at a loss with words.
How have you never played Diablo?! There no way they are just trying to make money off this game, Blizzard will make it amazing.
Did you even watch the gameplay trailer? That sure was not just a “diablo clone of diablo”
4 dacooksta // Jun 30, 2008 at 12:52 pm
bud…
next time you want people to take you seriously, do some RESEARCH. Diablo is obviously not a racing game. Although i hope you made those comments to be sarcastic. Blizzard has never made a bad game. They have a perfect track record. they’ll make D3 spectacular. And if you watch the gameplay trailer, they obviously have taken it to the next level and it’s nowhere near release yet. Did you take the time to watch it, or was 20 minutes too long for you to wait before you post your ignorant article?
5 Yamster // Jun 30, 2008 at 12:53 pm
@Finch: I’m sure I’ve read somewhere that the environments will be randomly generated. Takes a good heavy load of work off of Blizzard’s graphics team.
6 dacooksta // Jun 30, 2008 at 1:16 pm
@Yamster: Diablo 2’s environments were randomly generated as well. but you wouldn’t know that because you haven’t played it…
7 Joe // Jun 30, 2008 at 1:24 pm
To Yamster:
Randomly generating envioronments does NOTHING to help anyone working on graphics at Blizzard… what makes you get that idea? They still have to make the graphics that the generator will make available -_-
- a Game Designer
8 David // Jun 30, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Good article, retard.
9 Mark // Jun 30, 2008 at 1:33 pm
@dacooksta: “Diablo is obviously not a racing game. Although i hope you made those comments to be sarcastic.”
Writing this on a blog named “sarcasticgamer”… clearly we have a genius.
10 Yamster // Jun 30, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Oh dear, I’ve stirred up the fanboys…
11 Krithel // Jun 30, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Hmm, this article rather disappoints me, not only is it pointless, but it is concerning a game i rather like. I feel there would not be much point explaining why the Diablo series is so good (or at least in my opinion), but poking fun at a game you have no idea about? That is pretty low.
But alas, i shall now sit back, grab a post-it note and slap the words ‘Blizzard Fanboy’ across my forehead, for i shall still be playing this game, praying it will live up to D2
12 Obvious // Jun 30, 2008 at 1:48 pm
the article can be summarized with one word = FAIL!
13 Lono // Jun 30, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Wow. Looks like there will be plenty of fanboys sucking at the Cash Cow’s teat…
The game looks… okay… Come on people, aren’t you all getting a bit worked up over a tongue in cheek article? Fracking fanboys.
14 njitram2000 // Jun 30, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Yamster, I love the sarcasm in this article! You have to understand though that if you take away the isometric camera in Diablo, you take away the whole experience. In my opinion, a first person or even an over -the-shoulder diablo would suck! I’ve been waiting for this game for years. I don’t thing their goal is not necessarily the money but instead finally giving the fans a sequel
15 Krithel // Jun 30, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Ahh, tis true Lono, i have a feeling that this ‘cash cow’ will be a success, but judging by Blizzards previous work, i don’t think it will be unjust.
The problem here is, those that haven’t played Diablo 2 won’t get the excitement over this game. And whilst i will admit it aint gonna be everyone’s cup of tea, i think there is a good chance that those who enjoyed Diablo and it’s sequel will enjoy this.
But it isn’t really Yamsters view of D3 that got to me, had he have slagged it off citing linear story progression, repetition or reliance on items over skill, or any quip you could have at the previous games, whilst i would not have agreed i could accept that. Instead, this article seems more to entertain, which again would have been fine had he not have had such a dig into the game.
Oh, and concerning the isometric view comments, i gladly welcome the return of this perspective. Hellgate London went for a third/first person view and it just didn’t feel like Diablo, and recently i returned to D2 and enjoyed being able to see the hordes of enemies on all sides, with my hero in the center causing carnage. Well, maybe that’s just me…
Oh man i am such a fanboy… time to go reactivate my wow account and bathe in the glory of blizzard!
16 Diablo // Jun 30, 2008 at 2:59 pm
The environments and character models do look outdated and cartoonish, but they also look like they would run on most people’s computers. The physics engine, blood splattering, and magic effects, however, look top notch. You may think that the isometric perspective is outdated but if Diablo III adopted a WOW perspective or a 1st person perspective it just wouldn’t be the same thing.
Other than that I thought it was a funny article.
17 Diablo // Jun 30, 2008 at 3:05 pm
My biggest complaint about Diablo II was the skill system. If you purchased a skill and realized that it wasn’t what you wanted, you would be stuck with that bad decision forever or you would have to create a new character. WOW had a system for respending talent points for a fee that Diablo III should adopt.
18 Tony // Jun 30, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Totally agree that Diablo III is the antithesis of original, and is being made for no other reason than MONEY. And the decision to stick with the old-school, nostalgia-ridden isometric perspective is stupid as hell.
Hardcore oldschool PC-RPG fanboys are bashing Bethesda for making Fallout 3 so different, but at least that game is different and unique from the 10-year old original Fallout, and they get with the times instead of using the dated isometric perspective thing “for nostalgia’s sake.”
19 Charles // Jun 30, 2008 at 4:30 pm
I have to laugh at those who think that A. Blizzard needs cash. B. That Diablo is an attempt to make huge tons of money. They have WoW and dont need any more money really. They could sit back and live off of it for a very long time. If they really wanted to make money off of Diablo, why the free online play? Why not take it to a P2P MMO similar to WoW? I know tons of people that pop around in and out of different MMO’s, Diablo would be huge and WoW would see very little effect. To me this is a game for the fans who have stood by Blizzard all these years playing Diablo 2.
20 Commodore // Jun 30, 2008 at 5:02 pm
The view in Diablo is a great view….What would you rather it be? A stupid WoW type of view, Diablo 3 is gonna be bigger than WoW because its an amazing series.
I have a PS3 and I am happy that D3 will be will not be coming to consoles, the game belongs on the PC and only the PC.
21 Finch // Jun 30, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Yes im a huge blizzard fanboi. I worship the ground in which they walk.
HOWEVER this game will rock, and please please play diablo 2. The only people who dunt like diablo have never played it.
And im glad blizzard sticks with PC. They are the only reason i would take my compy over any console.
22 Groto // Jun 30, 2008 at 7:13 pm
This article doesn’t deserve a real response.
so it’s not getting one.
23 Tony // Jun 30, 2008 at 7:57 pm
The game looks like dated, unoriginal crap. What the hell is everyone going on about? For chrissake, look at the gameplay video–it looks like a typical, repetitive, dungeon-crawling hack-n-slash, with poor graphics and style. It basically looks like Midway is coming out with another Gauntlet game or something. Is everyone looking at the same gameplay video I am? Are people only liking this game because they’re nostalgic about the “good ol’ days?”
The game looks downright awful.
24 StaticGrazer // Jun 30, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Well first I’d like to say that Blizzard needs Diablo 3 ( or starcraft 2) as a cash cow is rediculous. They made lods of money off of WoW to support any games they want for-prety-much ever. Lets break it down shall we?
The current number of WoW subscriptions is at 10 million; but lets say that in the 4 years it’s been going it’s only averaged 8 million.
WoW monthly subscription is $15 a month.
48 (months) x $15 = 720
720 x 8 million= 5.76 BILLION dollars
That’s about 1.44 billion dollars a year.
And without considering expansion packs, OR buying the game to begin with. (WoW can be downloaded for free in the 10 day trial. )
Yes, I have played WoW in the trial.
No I was not all that impressed, mainly because they remind me of all the current MMOs out there; they haven’t realy been the same since Ultima Online. Which still has thousands of people playing, and can be free; completly free.
I realy don’t think that top notch, “More real than real life” graphics are what /make/ a game a good game; but I also believe that if a game that had the graphical quality of, oh lets say, Duck Hunt came out for your 360 it would not sell so well. Personaly, I need a decent visuals, and great game play; splash in an alright story plot and blamo!
*Note* I do enjoy a good story ( The Witcher, Two worlds, Oblibion, Fable, Stronghold, Assisans Creed… ect)
I’d rather have a great story and okay graphics, than a the other way around ( Looking at you Gears of War and MGS4. ) But I still enjoy playing gears…blowing people heads off.
I know this is just to stir the sheet pot, and to you I congraulate good sir. No, I don’t consider myself a fan boy, I have 2 Pcs, a PS2, a Super Nintendo, and a 360 and I also play a wide variety of games.
Send your love and hate to:
StaticGrazer@yahoo.com. Yes I have messenger.
25 hmmm // Jun 30, 2008 at 9:28 pm
cash cows eh? i see double standards, and traffic cows here. lol
ur mgs4 article must have brought in a lot of traffic too
same wiv the ps3 controller thing wiv the R1, just rake in the fanboys, ive got u figuired out lono
nice article btw yamster
26 Lono // Jun 30, 2008 at 10:04 pm
These comments just make me laugh… Where’s the Kool-Aid, cause I need some of whatever drugs you all are taking…
27 muffinmage // Jun 30, 2008 at 10:41 pm
this guy is trippen something sweet. someone lock him up.
28 Booze Zombie // Jul 1, 2008 at 10:14 am
I enjoyed the Diablo 2 video game immensily, but that’s not why I’m commenting.
What I want to know, is WHY is isometric so bad? Did it do something to you? Did Fallout fiddle with you when you asked it what camera options it had?
There is nothing wrong with isometric, though I think it really is only kept on in this game because it is a point and click RPG.
Maybe Yamster is wondering why he’s getting a lot of negative comments on this article? No, it’s not because of “fanbois”, it’s because this article is completly unfunny.
Not a word made me laugh or smirk, sorry… I tried to laugh, thought I was missing something. Perhaps a sense of humour? No, Emo Phillips gets me every time, I’ve got humor…
29 Yamster // Jul 1, 2008 at 10:45 am
Maybe you’re just taking this whole thing, like nearly everybody else who has commented on this article, far too seriously.
30 Yappie // Jul 1, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Actually I love the idea…..I was playing Spiderman Friend or Foe on the Xbox 360. The game was way way too easy but I liked the perspective and the clean colors….and I kept wondering to myself, if only someone would make an Action RPG using the FOF engine…mebbe make it deeper and slightly darker but using the same perspective it would have been FANTASTIC!!!
And guess what? Even though D3 is not using the FOF engine and the perspective 100% the same, but my wish had been granted. Now if only it would come to the Xbox 360. C’mon Activision don’t disappoint me.
31 Brian // Jul 1, 2008 at 7:56 pm
This article was like constantly being punched in the face with my hands tied behind my back. This is the game I have been waiting for 10 years and it looks BEAUTIFUL! I’m still on cloud 9, and this does nothing to evaporate my cloud. The only worry I have is the fact that the game is being made with less than half of the original team, but then again after Hellgate London, I dont know if I want the flagship guys messing with my baby.
32 Diablo4life // Jul 1, 2008 at 8:00 pm
This crosses a line not meant to be crossed. This isn’t sarcastic, its just plain upsetting.
33 Disappointed@home // Jul 1, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Started reading Sarcastic Gamer: 2007
Stopped reading Sarcastic Gamer:2008
Too bad, I really liked this site, but the fact that you would allow this crap on your site is inexcusable. I’m done.
34 IronAxe3k // Jul 1, 2008 at 8:19 pm
to disappointed@home:
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
your an idiot.
Great article Yamster. Stirred up some fanboys though.
35 Confused // Jul 3, 2008 at 12:08 pm
I think it’s pretty unfunny and stupid.
Even though I am a HUGE diable fanboi (and proud to say it) theres another reason this article is retarded - How could you make fun of a sequel to a game that was made 8 1/2 years ago..and is still being played by thousands of people?Pretty desperate attempt at a laugh if you ask me.
36 Juvenileimp // Jul 7, 2008 at 2:06 pm
gotta love the fanboys
37 anderson // Aug 2, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Let’s all just accept this for what it is: an article written for the title. Cause the only purpose of this blog entry was to generate some traffic.
I’m guessing Yamster isn’t much of a hardcore gamer anyways
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