
Dear God,
This is Doc.
I am writing to you to ask why I don’t like playing Metal Gear Solid 4.
You obviously had something to do with this game, as it is by far one of the most beautiful, cinematic, and stunning video games ever made. The graphics are nothing short of inspiring. The gameplay is smooth and deep. Even the cutscenes that everyone’s been complaining about are fantastic. I want to love this game, God. But sadly, for some reason I can’t, and I have deduced that you MUST have something to do with it.
Are you punishing me for that bird I shot with the BB gun when I was 9? I am not sure what I did to deserve this, but Lord, if you will give me another chance… I’ll be good. I promise!
Everyone is talking about this game like its the second coming…
hmm bad analogy… sorry God.
Everyone is raving about this video game. All of the major sites are giving it 10’s and 11’s. I even read one blogger comment that he’s never playing another game ever, because none could compare. But for some reason you’ve chosen not to instill this reverence for Metal Gear Solid 4 within me.
Why don’t I enjoy belly crawling through a city street for 20 minutes just to have some dude kick me over and shoot me dead, thus forcing me to repeat the belly crawling again?
Why is it every time I go to shoot someone I forget that before I can squeeze the right bumper, I have to first squeeze the left bumper, but in order to shoot with any accuracy while I hold both of those down I have to also mash the triangle button, which previously stuck me to a wall but in the context of shooting someone in the heat of battle means “zoom”… ?
Why isn’t it FUN taking cover, and changing colors like a chameleon? Why did that little trick only entertain me for a few minutes before being something I stayed paranoid about, feeling compelled to constantly adjust my camoflauge every 20 seconds?
Why does a monkey delivering weapons to me in the heat of battle in a remote hotel in the middle east, immediately destroy the suspension of my disbelief that game had worked so hard to implement?
Why God?
Why is it that every other person in the world is raving about how amazing Metal Gear Solid 4 is, but you won’t grant me the privilege of understanding? Are you working with Kojima to turn my life into some sort of… gosh… darned… cutscene?
If so I’d like to skip it.
Lord. Almighty creator. While I recognize what a gorgeous game this is, I can’t enjoy playing Metal Gear Solid 4. I want to so badly. Please show me the way.
Please send me a sign God.
(Preferably one that doesn’t involve my being electrocuted or infested with locusts.)
Your servant now and forever,
Doc
P.S. I got the sunny weather you sent me for Father’s Day. That was really thoughtful.
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52 responses so far ↓
1 Sifer2400 // Jun 23, 2008 at 10:05 am
Stealth shooters are just not your thing
2 CallMeEsteban // Jun 23, 2008 at 10:13 am
Hilarious man, frickin Hilarious!
3 ProudlyAnAddict // Jun 23, 2008 at 10:19 am
i decided sifer doesnt like doc lol he always comments badly on him and I personally havn’t played it yet but sounds quite good even if it is complicated lol
4 Sean "Rothbart" Workman // Jun 23, 2008 at 10:20 am
I’m gonna go with 360-fanboyism for the win…
Also, it might be good to point out this is with no more than 90 minutes invested in the game. According to Frawlz’s input and Lono’s math, that means you played for 6 minutes. LOL!
5 RK1 FaMiCuS // Jun 23, 2008 at 10:29 am
Here come the MGS4 Jesus Fanboys.
6 DeathByWaffle // Jun 23, 2008 at 10:35 am
I also really don’t like stealth shooters, so I also probably wouldn’t like this game.
7 Havok Saunders // Jun 23, 2008 at 10:35 am
Which blogger are you referring to Doc? If this person did indeed say he/she would never play another game again, I would like to be the first person to call bs.
8 flamingsquirrel // Jun 23, 2008 at 10:40 am
I’m not one for the crawling around either. I find it a lot more fun to take people out with silenced weapons and or the tranq weapons, and just run around in a crouch walk. And also blow every helicopter I come across to hell with big ass gun.
9 Sean "Rothbart" Workman // Jun 23, 2008 at 10:51 am
Before someone accuses ME of being a “MGS4 Jesus Fanboy” it should be known that I’m generally not a fan of stealth games either… I played (and loved) MGS1 on the PS1, but I never played any other MGS game…
I actually expected to not like it and was surprised as hell when I ended up LOVING it.
BTW, belly crawling in the street for 20 minutes is an obvious sign of exaggeration for comedy effect (or proof of bad gaming skills… also, for comedy effect). I laughed at the post, but I’m still unsure of the “official” reason(s).
10 piston11792 // Jun 23, 2008 at 11:05 am
i feel ya doc. i appriciate what the game is, but its not my thing. its ok doc, the pain will only last a few more days, we can get through this together.
11 DeathByWaffle // Jun 23, 2008 at 11:06 am
Yeah, there has to be a big secret to why he doesn’t like it, there is no way anyone could not like a game a lot of other people do.
12 Lono // Jun 23, 2008 at 11:11 am
Who knew Doc would ever be lumped with Frawlz… has it come to that? Oh boy… I hope you remembered to wear pants today Doc…
13 bermo101 // Jun 23, 2008 at 11:20 am
hahaha good one doc
wait a minute
its not a Friday!
14 Farko // Jun 23, 2008 at 11:20 am
Its ok to not like MGS4 doc, the very fact that you obviously appreciate the great looks and smooth gameplay shows that you gave it an honest chance and it turned out not to be your thing. Im sure god can forgive you at least (just stay away from buddha for a while, he needs time to forgive)
games, like everything in life come down to one thing, taste. i like MGS4, but i also dont like chocolate. its not weird, its personal taste. And it seems that MGS isnt to your taste (it is primarily a stealth game), at least you can appreciate its good points, so no one can say that is just 360 fanboy issues.
sit back. relax. you cant force yourself to like something you dont.
15 DeathByWaffle // Jun 23, 2008 at 11:22 am
People have certain tastes. If the majority of people think a game is awesome, that does not mean that no one can think otherwise or if that they do, they have some hidden reason. I never really liked any of the splinter cell games, in fact, I pretty much hate all stealth games. They just creep me out, I don’t feel right playing them.
16 Lono // Jun 23, 2008 at 11:47 am
I love it how everyone is so nice “Oh Doc its okay..” or “We all have different opinions…”
I say the cut scenes shouldn’t be included as gameplay, but I love the game and people are all “EFF YOU” and “You should die!”
ROFL.
17 DeathByWaffle // Jun 23, 2008 at 11:53 am
I haven’t heard that…
maybe I should hang out in the PS3 forums more.
18 Lono // Jun 23, 2008 at 12:02 pm
I had to delete a bunch of the racial, gay and other four letter explicative laden tirades…
19 DeathByWaffle // Jun 23, 2008 at 12:08 pm
Maybe people just like Doc better.

20 Doc // Jun 23, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Actually Sean I have played the game through the point (still in the first act) where you are escaping with that girl and the guy with diahrea through the restaurant and a little ways past that.
I have nothing bad to say about the game itself. I just don’t get it. It’s my problem, not the game’s.
I belly crawled up the street in the opening sequence. being a newcomer to MGS I thought that was what I was supposed to do. Eventually I gave up and jhust ran by all of those guys, which felt stupid. I guess I’m just a crappy gamer or something.
21 Finch // Jun 23, 2008 at 12:53 pm
just ran around and Tranq gun everyone. Just stay in the 3rd person view and get a laser sight. Or you can do what i did and pimp out the M4 and just run around head shoting everyone who gets in your way.
Gotta take it as a semi-stealthy game, but its by far more forgiving then the past. If you get caught you can just kill everyone if needed. In the past games you couldnt do that.
Get to act2 at least, it is the best.
22 Blaze // Jun 23, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Hmmm, you haven’t really made it that far in the game then. Also sounds like you might not be too familiar with stealth games in general… you really don’t have to do any sneaking in the first two Acts anyway though. I’ve beat the game, and I didn’t crawl on my belly for 5 whole minutes, yet along 20.
At any rate, I wouldn’t advise the game for ppl who aren’t fans of stealth action… but for those that do enjoy stealth action, this is clearly the greatest one to ever come out.
Even for those that only like action games, this will probably be one of the best they’ve played. But after the first two acts, segments of the game do slow the pace down. And of course you do have to be willing to sit through the cutscenes to really enjoy the game… but as everyone is saying, they are the most stunning cutscenes in any game to date. Also the longest.
23 Blaze // Jun 23, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Also, the control scheme is incredibly easy to use. You can even customize it so that you do not have to press triangle to go into first person view… although I prefer to press triangle as it is really pretty easy to do it in time.
24 Carlos // Jun 23, 2008 at 12:59 pm
I feel exactly the same way with sandbox games and the Tomb Raider series.
I tried to enjoy any and all of them…
Í got bored out of my skull with Elder Scrolls: Morrowind… So I’m not even touching Oblivion.
I can’t enjoy any of the Grand Theft Auto series games and that includes the God-like 4.
I couldn’t even finish The Simpsons: Hit and Run on Xbox.
So Sandbox games and me, they don’t match, no matter how hard I try…
Maybe it’ll change with Saint’s Row…maybe…
25 Pauly // Jun 23, 2008 at 1:09 pm
See Doc, the problem might have been you were trying to play this game as a supposed stealth game because its MGS. The best part about this game is you almost never have to play stealthly. If you want to run and gun go right ahead. If you feel like using a grenade launcher to blast an enemy, just go into your menu and buy the launcher and your ready to blow-up some enemies. If you want a RPG just buy it, if you want a SVD just buy it. My point is, this game is all about choices when it comes to gameplay. For me that was the best part about the game. Never worrying about running out of ammo (because you could buy it at a whim) and experimenting with the numerous types of weapons at your disposal.
I think if you play the game with a different mindset maybe go into as a third person shooter instead of a stealth action game you might enjoy it more. But like everyone else has mentioned not everyone has the same taste so if you don’t like it then you just don’t like the game and there is nothing wrong with that.
26 heavyfiregrunt // Jun 23, 2008 at 1:15 pm
simple you dont like stealth shooters now go back to playing MGS4 jesus before I have to drive five miles from Sugar Land to Houston and beat you to death with a xbox one.
27 God // Jun 23, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Dear God, Why can’t I like Metal Gear?
-God here
BECAUSE YOU ARE A GODDAMN XBOT
28 TheGlassPrison // Jun 23, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Dear God, Why can’t I like GTA4.
Seriously, everyone gives it a 10/10, i thought it was incredibly boring. This coming from a massive San Andreas fan.
29 Noah // Jun 23, 2008 at 1:26 pm
the real reason this “Doc” person doesn’t like playing MGS4 is because he suck at it.
30 DeathByWaffle // Jun 23, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Dear God
You are a dick.
31 anthonyjh // Jun 23, 2008 at 1:29 pm
For one, it’s just not everyones bag.
Second, did you play the other games in the series? I couldn’t imagine playing 4 before the others.
32 Kyle // Jun 23, 2008 at 1:43 pm
I agree, GTA4 sucked. And the websites that are callign reviewers out by sayign MGS4 isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, all reviewed GTA4 with 10’s when it’s clearly FAR worse than San Andreas. And deservign of an 8.5 maximum.
MGS4 is one of the best games I ahve ever played, and I can tell you, I ahve been playign games for a very long time.
Not that you eneded to understand that, atleast it wasn’t the cutscenes you chose to moan about. Good job being original, and having actual reasons.
33 LarryL // Jun 23, 2008 at 1:43 pm
I’ll tell you what. I have never liked stealth games at all. I’ve never like a Splinter Cell, I’ve never liked a single Metal Gear Solid ever made. Battlefield was going to be the game to get me through the summer but I hated the demo and decided to go for it, and pick up MGS4 on launch night.
Like I said, I hate stealth games…..I LOVE MGS4’s gameplay. I try to stay in the stealthy spirit of the game, but when I get spotted, or have no choice but to shoot it out, the aiming system is as good as any shooter out there. I could certainly run n gun through the whole game if I wanted. Or I could go almost 100% stealth. I think gameplay wise, it’s the perfect game. And again, like I said, I’m not a fan of the series, and knew nothing about the characters in the game besides a little bit about snake, and how he was sort of based on Snake Plissken from the Escape movies, other than that I had nothing vested in the universe, and not only did I think the story was perfectly done, but they set it up so that even though I had no idea who these people were, I still somehow understood who they all were, and their relationships to each other without knowing either. It’s the best story telling I’ve ever experienced in a video game.
I’m sorry you aren’t experiencing the game the way you should. It really is amazing. MGS4 is truly the first perfect game I’ve played in a long time…….mabey ever. A true perfect 10/10, not a bought or hyped 10/10.
34 Sean "Rothbart" Workman // Jun 23, 2008 at 1:50 pm
I was just messin’ with Doc before but I have a theory on some people’s initial impressions with MGS4 (Frawlz included). If you go into MGS4 with a sense of urgency or “show me the wow” from the hype you’ve seen/read/heard, I could see how it wouldn’t immediately grab you. And frankly, all the way through Act 3 there were subtle little aspects of the game I was still occasionally “learning”, such as firing on my back on the ground, playing dead, etc.
If you try to play MGS4 with a short amount of time, trying to get some gaming in here or there… how drawn out parts of it seem to be can be frustrating.
In all honesty, I think Doc’s statements were completely fair… I felt the same way about Bioshock. I could appreciate it for what it was, but I didn’t enjoy playing it.
35 Doc // Jun 23, 2008 at 1:50 pm
@ Larry
I am embolden to give it another try.. tonight.
Going to abandon stealth for an all out war cry and frag fest.
It’s closer to what I’m used to.
@God
Not an Xbot. Ask anyone here. I was giddy as a school girl to get to play this game. Perhaps… I had different expectations.
Have nothing bad to say WHATSOEVER about this game with regard to production value or grapphics or sound or plot.
Just having a REALLY hard time enjoying it.
36 paulmess7 // Jun 23, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Maybe you skipped church to host some sort of twisted sarcastic birthday party no so long ago?
Sorry Doc, I hope you loose the sarcastic gamer blues.
37 LarryL // Jun 23, 2008 at 2:01 pm
I was being overly nice there. Honestly, your complaint about the aiming is classic “over-exadgeration”, and just plain nit-picking. For one, it it perfectly natural to hold L1 to switch into aiming mode. What was game of the year last year? Oh yea, CoD4. Did you complain about having to hold L1 to aim in CoD4? And to be honest I question you even owning a PS3, cuz what PlayStation owner calls the shoulder buttons “bumpers”. That’s an X-box word. LOL
And also why would you purposely try to make stuff up by saying “Then just to aim accurately, I have to mash the triangle button.”? Anyone who played the game knows there is no mashing. You move your thumb to the up and right and touch triangle once. Why would you “mash” it? That doesn’t seem like it would help play the game. And also, unless I was sniping, I never went into first person mode anyway, so you are also exagerating not being accurate in 3rd person, which you are.
So I question alot about the author of this “article”.
38 Orakga // Jun 23, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Doc, like someone else already pointed out, you are not far enough into the game to be able to appreciate it.
I’ve grown to love MGS4 more every day, and that’s been the case even after I beat the game and started playing it at the hardest difficulty (Big Boss Extreme).
But I have to admit that, when I was at the same point as you (near the end of Act 1), I felt unsure about the whole thing. I wasn’t exactly “wow-ed” by the experience.
By the time I beat the game, however, I was thoroughly impressed.
And the gameplay, which seemed a little “off” at the beginning, actually turned out to be VERY tight. And now I prefer MGO over all the other multiplayer options I have ATM (Halo 3, GoW, GTA4, CoD4).
That’s saying something, right?
Try to get through the game… and if you aren’t into stealth games, play it as an FPS (it’s entirely possible to do this in normal mode). I think you may actually find yourself in a different position later on.
Good luck. I really hope you enjoy it.
39 sir ancient // Jun 23, 2008 at 4:59 pm
He dont like the game because this game is boring like watching a movie.Where is the gameplay?Where is the fun?Where are the colours?Because everything in this game is grey/brown/green.This is by far not the best game ever.If it was the best game ever made everyone likes it.Wait one day…a unknown developer comes with an unknown killer game and kills metal gear solid 4 in graphics,epicness,animations,story…
40 Eddiemilz // Jun 23, 2008 at 7:45 pm
whoaa i havn’t read all the comments yet, but jeez. anything related to MGS4 seems to get a huge number of comments!
Great article though. Made me laugh
41 caruso1268 // Jun 23, 2008 at 9:56 pm
Tried the game at nathanhails house. I cant put my finger on it, but I just got really bored while I was playing. I dont know. It might not even be the game’s fault! Great graphics, cool storyline, fun cutscenes, but somehow I just didnt feel it!
42 Makidian // Jun 23, 2008 at 11:19 pm
Turn on Auto Aim and go balls out getting spotted and shoot every living thing in sight,
43 Hamad // Jun 24, 2008 at 12:16 am
I don’t blame you, it is a stupid game with a stupid story (Vampire Boss=Vampiro), don’t be so apologetic to appease fanboys.
44 blah // Jun 24, 2008 at 12:54 am
a games gameplay is the same the whole way through, theres different situations that are better than others but the gameplay is the same the whole way through, if you don’t like the combat in god of war, or the shooting in Halo, you’re not gonna like those games gameplay any better the further you get into the game, most likely. so saying “play til act 2″ isn’t all that- meh..
45 Jesus // Jun 24, 2008 at 4:54 am
I forgot to say, if you need to seek contact with GOD, you can email me at Jesus@christian.com, I will promise that I will deliver you message as soon as possible.
Jesus
46 1Colin1 // Jun 24, 2008 at 6:19 am
If you dislike a game you dislike a game, for example I don’t like Forza Motor Spot 2 but I have nothing bad to say about it, I think MGS4 is pushing more towards the people that have played through all the other MGS’s but meh I’m only saying that from what I’ve read about the game since I haven’t actually played it yet.
Operation steal PS3 and a copy of MGS4 check list.
Balaclava
Black clothing
Gun
Get away car
Oh yes, it’s all coming together!!!
47 Penguinfury // Jun 24, 2008 at 9:22 am
If that was what you didn’t like about MGS4, then don’t even touch Splinter Cell: Pandorra Tomorrow. It is WAY more frustrating.
48 PopTrogdor // Jun 24, 2008 at 9:26 am
Well tbh, who cares? Also, if you have to go into first person mode just to shoot accurately, then you both need help, and also need to stop playing first person shooters. The game is incredibly easy to use 3rd person view on, I hardly use first person ever.
It must be that you just not into stealth games, and you cant say you are, as this is the ultimate one…
49 Jesus // Jun 24, 2008 at 10:52 am
Dear admins,
GOD want’s to know why you have deleted my previous comment? You have done yet another sin, you will be punished and go to hell where you have to lick your ass before you can go to heaven!!
Jesus
50 Lono // Jun 24, 2008 at 11:10 am
Because apparently Jesus doesn’t know how to not use derogatory language that these admins deem offensive. Or maybe the guy that wrote AS jesus is just an idiot?
51 Blagh // Jun 24, 2008 at 11:48 am
@pogtrogder
Nay, MGS1 is the ultimate stealth game.
52 Junopolous // Aug 22, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Because Stealth Games are not your thing. You perfer not to have to sneak around and just shoot people.
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