*Editor’s note: Darkwonders is a long time SG forum member and noob hater. Enjoy!
Everyone has dealt with at least one noob in their life time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, be nice to the noob, show them the ropes… Blah, blah, blah. If you’re looking for that kind of article, go over to Gamertagradio.com, they’ve got tons of those touchy feely stories.
This article is about how to use a noob to better your score. How to take advantage of a noob, if you will.
A noob is anyone that is new to a game, for this piece, I’m talking about someone that’s new to an online multiplayer first-person shooter. If you are unlucky enough meet a noob online, hope that he’s on the other team, so you can rack up the kills over and over again at their expense. Unfortunately, Karma is a bitch, so you’ll most likely get stuck with one on your team, because of some stupid/mean/negative thing you did way back in the past, against someone else.
Playing with a noob can be quite a painful endeavor, if not handled in the proper way. Sure you can always mute him; however that just takes care of any verbal annoyance that he may cause. This technique does jack squat for his sub-par ability. He’s still going to suck like a noob. I know no one wants the reason their team lost to be due to a noob, so here’s some everyday strategies you can use.
1) Human Shield - That’s right. The Human Shield, or Noob Shield, is exactly what it says. Bodies make great shields. Just don’t be the shield. That’s where the noob comes in. Just let the little guy go ahead of you and while the bullets are hitting him, you take the shooter out. This human shield can even go a step further in Call of Duty 4. If you are not playing in hardcore mode, you can actually shoot through your own teammate at the enemy! Very useful! Talk about the ultimate shield! A word of caution - Don’t expect your shield to last very long. Be sure to take some actual cover if you haven’t finished off the enemy by the time your teammate goes down. Noobs die fast.
2) The Decoy - Noobs make great decoys. Ever watch a World War I or II movie where they have a guy run out erratically in the open to flush the sniper from hiding? Well, this is essentially the same idea. Find a nice view and keep your eye on the noob. Enemies will be more than eager to kill this fish out of water. As they focus on him, you can easily dispose of the sniper yourself. Ta-da! Instant points, at the expense of the noob.
3) The Suicide Bomber - Sticking grenades to noobs is fun! This more specifically applies to Halo, or games where you can place explosives on vehicles. When a noob charges headfirst into a group of enemies, like any noob would, why not send them off with a little present. How about a sticky to the back of a noob. This is a prime way to surprise the enemy. Don’t worry about the betrayal. If the enemy has already shot him, it’ll just count as a kill for the enemy.
Well, there you have it, just a few ways to help alleviate the “noob problem” you may encounter in your online travels. Remember, using noobs for fun and profit is fun and easy!
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14 responses so far ↓
1 the 6th degree // Apr 22, 2008 at 9:57 am
So thats why they always ask me to go first…..
2 Joshthegreat // Apr 22, 2008 at 11:00 am
Haha. Very creative I love it!
3 xWFx HeAdShOt // Apr 22, 2008 at 11:26 am
Thats the way my clan uses people in player matches^^
4 theps3fanboy // Apr 22, 2008 at 11:26 am
awesome article. one thing i would add is telling that noob what to do. why mute this gaming mooncalf when you can give him/her orders like some dispensibel personal bodyguard. most noobs when first starting a game don’t know what to do and are more than willing to follow the orders of a more experienced player. “hey NaRUtoFan27 we gotta clear this building im gonna throw a flash and you run into that doorway, GO!” two possible outcomes will follow. you throw the flash and the noob runs in maybe taking out 1 or 2 uglies. Or, and this is probably the more likely of the two outcomes, the noob will run in before the flash goes off, resulting in a blinded retard firing wildly at the walls while the uglies take him out, giving you the perfect chance to rack up the kills. see its easy. and thats just one of many situations where noobs can become the perfect ally.
noobs: the perfect grunt
5 darkwonders // Apr 22, 2008 at 11:30 am
The article was more geared toward those irritating noobs who think they know what they are doing and don’t listen to… ahem… friendly advice…
6 ploogle // Apr 22, 2008 at 11:59 am
Actually, you have your definitions of newbs/n00bs wrong. A “newb” (short for newbie) is someone who’s new to the game/just learning the ropes. A “n00b” is someone who is a b***h to play with. Campers, spawn killers, glitchers, to name a few. Also, anyone who trash talks the people who kill him INCESSANTLY, even though it was a legit kill.
Great article, though! I’ll be sure and use these tips…
7 HeavenlyYeti // Apr 22, 2008 at 12:04 pm
@ theps3fanboy
Don’t make fun of Naruto. It’s epic, and Masashi Kishimoto is the best author ever (well, besides J.K. Rowling)
8 TOO KINGS // Apr 22, 2008 at 12:58 pm
That was FANTASTIC! I haven’t laughed like that in a while. Thank you.
9 DaCooksta // Apr 22, 2008 at 3:12 pm
I shall be using these tactics with my friends.
“Hey, Grant, let’s act like a real team this game. You can use a shotgun or something. I don’t care. But you go in first, and I follow. If you throw a flash out while you’re running in it’ll make it even easier!”
10 Cody // Apr 22, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Wouldnt it be better to help noobs instead of using them? I mean…come on-as much as I understand the “hate” of the pros, isn t any dead noob a point against your team? “Instant points at the expense of a noob” just means that you let the enemy score first and have to catch up
These tips might be ok for your personal stats, but for teamplay?
11 darkwonders // Apr 22, 2008 at 6:16 pm
But if the noobs won’t listen to you, then what good are they to your team? Might as well make the best of it
12 1Colin1 // Apr 22, 2008 at 6:48 pm
Haha, I used to use noobs as shields back in the day when BF1942 was very popular.
13 ewalk77 // Sep 17, 2008 at 9:14 am
as a newb i can apreciate the sentiment but jeebus, give us a break its anoyin tryin to hit anything with an off the shelf weapon. and not knowin a map. Seems a little counter productive t give the most inexperienced players the least perks.
14 dogsmokin // Oct 1, 2008 at 8:14 pm
You should help them, so the overall quality goes up. Easy kills arent that good.
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