Good morning. It’s Fiction Friday. I wish this were fiction, but it’s true as far as I can gather from CVG.

Apparently, Jack Thompson has sent another one of his famous “Letters” to none other than the MOTHER of Rockstar Chief, Strauss Zelnick. On the paper, which was reported to have been doused heavily in Aqua Velva, Thompson said, “The pornography and violence that your son traffics in is the kind of stuff that most mothers would be ashamed to see their son putting into the hands of other mothers’ children.”

There’s more… quite a bit more actually.

Other notable quotes from the letter as reported by CVG:

Happy Mothers’ Day, Mrs Zelnick, which this year is May 11, two weeks after your son unleashes porn and violence upon other mothers’ boys. I’m sure you’re very proud.

And this gem…

Maybe you, Mrs Zelnick, were so taken by your handsome son that you spared the rod and spoiled the child. That would explain why he has brought you, by the way he presently acts, to shame.

This one is my favorite.

What you will see in your son’s game, if this iteration is anything like its predecessors, is incredible interactive violence aimed at police offers (whom you can shoot in the head and see the blood spray), innocent bystanders (whom you can run over with your car just for the heck of it).

Now you’re just trying to sell the game to me Jack.

Dear Jack,

I love it when you raise the profile of a video game that will end up selling even more copies because of your lunacy than if you’d just stayed in the corner, fiddling with the straps on your straight-jacket.

What a CHRISTIAN you are Jack. Passing judgement on some guy’s mother because her son has an occupation that you don’t like. Yeah I’ll bet your mom is uber-proud of her lawyer son who hasn’t won a case in years, who’s been disbarred or threatened with disbarrment in several States, and who’s literally a laughing stock everywhere in the world.

What’s your mom’s address. I think I’ll send her flowers and my condolences for having worked so hard to raise such a douche.  I’m in a letter writing mood too!

Dear Jack Thompson’s Mom,

Your son is a joke, who has accomplished literally nothing in the past decade, except perhaps selling more copies of violent video games to minors than any publishers marketing program could possibly push.

You see Maude, (mind if I call you Maude?), your son, Jack Thompson, is an asshole.

I know that’s tough to hear Maude.  Jack.  Your SON…  An Asshole.

Perhaps you didn’t hug him enough, or maybe you bought him too many Bible-Ranger action figures, but whatever the reason, your son now has an insatiable appetite for media attention, and a warped sense of reality.  On top of all of this, he would impose his will and his taste in entertainment upon us all.

Maude, at this point you might be wondering what comes next.  First, you need to accept that your son, Jack Thompson, is an asshole.  Then I recomend getting involved in a support group.  Google “Parents of Deluded Assholes” and I am sure you’ll find something in your area.

Happy Mother’s Day, Maude.  Take a moment to reflect on all of your son’s successes.  It shouldn’t take but a few seconds.  Then hold on to those memories, as any others may remind you what a horrible parent you turned out to be, having raised such a total douche asshole.

God Bless You, Maude.  And may he have mercy on your asshole son, Jack Thompson.