Good morning. It’s Fiction Friday. I wish this were fiction, but it’s true as far as I can gather from CVG.
Apparently, Jack Thompson has sent another one of his famous “Letters” to none other than the MOTHER of Rockstar Chief, Strauss Zelnick. On the paper, which was reported to have been doused heavily in Aqua Velva, Thompson said, “The pornography and violence that your son traffics in is the kind of stuff that most mothers would be ashamed to see their son putting into the hands of other mothers’ children.”
There’s more… quite a bit more actually.
Other notable quotes from the letter as reported by CVG:
Happy Mothers’ Day, Mrs Zelnick, which this year is May 11, two weeks after your son unleashes porn and violence upon other mothers’ boys. I’m sure you’re very proud.
And this gem…
Maybe you, Mrs Zelnick, were so taken by your handsome son that you spared the rod and spoiled the child. That would explain why he has brought you, by the way he presently acts, to shame.
This one is my favorite.
What you will see in your son’s game, if this iteration is anything like its predecessors, is incredible interactive violence aimed at police offers (whom you can shoot in the head and see the blood spray), innocent bystanders (whom you can run over with your car just for the heck of it).
Now you’re just trying to sell the game to me Jack.
Dear Jack,
I love it when you raise the profile of a video game that will end up selling even more copies because of your lunacy than if you’d just stayed in the corner, fiddling with the straps on your straight-jacket.
What a CHRISTIAN you are Jack. Passing judgement on some guy’s mother because her son has an occupation that you don’t like. Yeah I’ll bet your mom is uber-proud of her lawyer son who hasn’t won a case in years, who’s been disbarred or threatened with disbarrment in several States, and who’s literally a laughing stock everywhere in the world.
What’s your mom’s address. I think I’ll send her flowers and my condolences for having worked so hard to raise such a douche. I’m in a letter writing mood too!
Dear Jack Thompson’s Mom,
Your son is a joke, who has accomplished literally nothing in the past decade, except perhaps selling more copies of violent video games to minors than any publishers marketing program could possibly push.
You see Maude, (mind if I call you Maude?), your son, Jack Thompson, is an asshole.
I know that’s tough to hear Maude. Jack. Your SON… An Asshole.
Perhaps you didn’t hug him enough, or maybe you bought him too many Bible-Ranger action figures, but whatever the reason, your son now has an insatiable appetite for media attention, and a warped sense of reality. On top of all of this, he would impose his will and his taste in entertainment upon us all.
Maude, at this point you might be wondering what comes next. First, you need to accept that your son, Jack Thompson, is an asshole. Then I recomend getting involved in a support group. Google “Parents of Deluded Assholes” and I am sure you’ll find something in your area.
Happy Mother’s Day, Maude. Take a moment to reflect on all of your son’s successes. It shouldn’t take but a few seconds. Then hold on to those memories, as any others may remind you what a horrible parent you turned out to be, having raised such a total douche asshole.
God Bless You, Maude. And may he have mercy on your asshole son, Jack Thompson.
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29 responses so far ↓
1 Blackswordsman // Apr 25, 2008 at 8:10 am
Amen Doc
2 djdsf // Apr 25, 2008 at 8:13 am
LOL, I love you DOC.
Well, this guy sure is a big ass and I think that actually going to someone else’s mother, let alone he is 50-70 years old is a true pathetic shame.
3 Jared // Apr 25, 2008 at 8:14 am
“Take a moment to reflect on all of your son?s successes. It shouldn?t take but a few seconds. ”
Yesssss
4 Doro626 // Apr 25, 2008 at 8:35 am
Let’s just say that Satan himself came out with a video game that was so wicked, that it would absorb your very soul upon completion. It’s still the PARENTS job, to allow or disallow thier child from playing it.
If we changed the police to nazi’s and Geshtapow, then would it be O.K. Jack? Its their right to make it, just as its our right to purchase it or not. I’m not a GTA fan, but I am a Christian and I support the rights of an artist to create something, whether I like it or not.
5 salvador_dog // Apr 25, 2008 at 8:37 am
…but i thought we were done with him? weren’t we?…that douche bag
anyways that was probably the funniest thing i’ve read today, good job Doc.
6 greeneyedpsyko // Apr 25, 2008 at 8:57 am
That is truly pathetic that he runs to tattle on the guy to his mom.
I actually googled Parents of deluded assholes though.
this was the first place that game up
[URL="http://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en-us&q=Parents+of+Deluded+Assholes&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8"]this[/URL]
7 greeneyedpsyko // Apr 25, 2008 at 8:59 am
[URL=” ?]this[/URL]
only use the parts between those. I don’t know why it didn’t work
8 Cody // Apr 25, 2008 at 9:11 am
btw…its Gestapo, not Geshtapow (@Doro)
9 the 6th degree // Apr 25, 2008 at 9:19 am
Why isn’t Strauss Zelnick/Mom Zelnick filing a lawsuit against this? Surely it could be classed as harrasment?
10 Turian209 // Apr 25, 2008 at 10:29 am
I’m a Christian too and this guy is just embarrassing to us all. I know how Lono feels about being the same profession as him.
11 Monkeyboo2 // Apr 25, 2008 at 11:47 am
Classic, Jack does all the work for us, we barely have to add satire comments to make him a laughing stock.
12 RK1 FaMiCuS // Apr 25, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Apparently Jack y boy hasn’t the only one recently get all crazy about the release of GTAIV.
http://kotaku.com/383838/california-senator-warns-parents-dont-buy-gta-iv-for-your-kids
I love when California senator Leland Yee says “Unfortunately, the makers of Grand Theft Auto have a history of deceiving the ratings board and the public on the true content of their games. Parents beware: this game undoubtedly glorifies violence, is extremely realistic and designed for adults only.” Really is that why this game is rated M.
13 RK1 FaMiCuS // Apr 25, 2008 at 12:12 pm
@Doc
You should also write a letter to California senator Leland Yee’s mother, now that would be funny.
14 fern420 // Apr 25, 2008 at 1:14 pm
definitely getting desperate and its showing…..the game is rated mature…..its the parents fault if they buy it for their child….not the developers.
as soon as parents stop dodging responsibility by parking their kids in front of a monitor for 6 hours a day to shut them up nothing will ever change. parents need to start acting like parents.
15 balaamsafe // Apr 25, 2008 at 1:26 pm
i would put something whitty but i think you summed it up
he hates my passtime, i would even go as far as he hates a piece of my culture
therefore, i hate him
Arsehole
16 JakubK666 // Apr 25, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Aren’t you guys giving him free publicity by writing this FF? How Ironic
17 Phantom // Apr 25, 2008 at 6:37 pm
You should send that letter to him and his mother. it wud be so funny.
18 Chris // Apr 25, 2008 at 7:13 pm
‘recommend’ has two m’s. Appreciating the sentiment though
19 IncredibleBulk9 // Apr 25, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Actually he spelt traffic “traffik”, the difference being that traffik is usually used in the context of traffiking illegal items such as drugs. (not being a grammar nazi btw lol)
Also it seems to me that this guy is getting just a little too rediclous, I’m beginning to think that in fact he is THE GREATEST marketer ever, he works for Rockstar. Thats the twist, get it? More people report on him than a new GTA4 screenshot
20 Adam Harley // Apr 25, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Didn’t you guys say you wouldn’t cover Jack Thompson anymore?
21 lmarcel9 // Apr 25, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Well said Doc!!! This guy just need some attention. Sometimes it feels as if someone pays him to boost game sales ’cause that’s all he actually accomplishes.
22 Kill jack slowly // Apr 25, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Jack Thompson’s middle name is ass.
DIE JACK ASS THOMPSON!!!!!!!!!!!!
23 Meresin // Apr 26, 2008 at 2:41 am
I’m sure she’s really unhappy with her son for giving her that pile of money to roll in, Jack.
24 Mr. Dan // Apr 26, 2008 at 5:36 am
3P1c PH41L @ Jack Thompson….
That’s all I can really say.
25 Monkeyboo2 // Apr 26, 2008 at 7:14 am
@RK1 FAMOUS
Senator Leland Yee doesn’t need a letter to his mother. He hasn’t made up stupid court cases andletters to other peoples mothers on crazy vendettas against the gaming industry.
Basically the difference is Leland Yee expresses his opinions and doesn’t go crazy when he doesn’t get his way.
And Jack thompson is just a nutter… So deserves satire back.
You gotta let some people express their opinion and leave em be
26 Black-Eye Brick // Apr 26, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Bravo Doc.
But I wonder, what kind of flowers do you send to an asshole’s mother?
27 DJ Res // Apr 27, 2008 at 6:44 am
Just goes to show how much free time lawyers have! Right Lono?
28 Mehar // Apr 27, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Wow, how low can he go before he hits rock bottom? A grown mom telling another grown man’s mom! I bet Jack Thompson was probably jail bait in school.
29 FlintSteelton // Apr 28, 2008 at 1:55 pm
@Adam Harley
Agreed. SG said they wouldn’t even give him the press coverage. Very dissapointed they didn’t stick to that. (was in the podcast covering the shooting at a shool)
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