Love it or hate it, downloadable content (DLC) is here to stay. Sometimes gamers are able to nab a sweet piece of DLC, like for instance the recent COD4 map pack, and sometimes their offered something of more than questionable value, like the now retracted BF:BC DLC. Either way, it seems obvious that the gaming industry is doing everything it can to squeeze gamers for just “one more buck.”

In what can only be described as a “vampiric banker” type plan, the gaming industry is taking things one step further. No longer satiated by the few extra dollars they make through conventional DLC, executives from several major companies are now excepting payment for DLC in the form of the most precious commodity of all…

YOUR BLOOD!

Find out all the ridiculous details, after the jump!

Stanley GoreMonger, CEO of BloodEqualsBling, and the pioneer of the soon to be implemented “Blood for DLC” program explains how it will work.

“Rather than charge $10 or $20 for a given DLC package, our new program will require gamers to stop by one of the thousands of BloodEqualsBling locations we are setting up worldwide and donate 2 pints of blood. Since most DLC programs are already, in essence, blood sucking programs designed to cash in on a gamers uncontrollable urge to acquire even more extras for their chosen game, we figured why not except their blood FOR REAL?”

Some of you may be asking yourself “why would they accept blood instead of money?” To answer that SG was contacted by an Activision insider, who chose to remain nameless for fear of reprisal.

“Whats happened is that the big execs at a number of companies have moved beyond the standard hunger for ever increasing sums of money, and have now become addicted to the sweet sweet taste of pop tart and cola flavored gamer blood. They crave the stuff! Since gamers failed to notice their paying for something which is really just a standard update with a price tag, they figured charging for blood would be taken in stride just as easily.”

Not only will gamers be malnourished from poor diets and run down from late night gaming sessions, they’ll also be dizzy and prone to blackouts from lack of hemoglobin.

We were unable to contact any executives for comment, it seems none of them maintain daytime working hours anymore. We can all expect wave after wave of DLC programs to hit the net in the coming months, and rumor has it that both EA and Activision are planning on opening a new club together called “Taste the foolishness,” which will feature a Blade type blood shower and bathtubs full of cash so that they can enjoy their two favorite things at the same time.

Vampires creep me out, but at least now their being open about being bloodsucking monsters.

Where’s Wesley Snipes when we need him?!

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