A recent study from Rhode Island University found a positive link between Trauma Center sales, and wrongful death lawsuits.

“We discovered so many stories about children writhing in pain on the ground, as their friend or sibling stood over them waving a Wiimote,” said researcher John Kemp. “It was clear we we’re on to something big.”

In 2007, 27 year old Richard Lupis was found digging an NDS stylus into his victim’s torso, trying to extract non-existent tumors from their abdomen. Lupis was later quoted, “real surgery was child’s play compared to that bitch of a game.”

The study recommends two solutions to this growing life or death issue. The first is to educate gamers on the differences between real and virtual medicine. The alternative is to provide actual surgical instruments with every copy of the game.

Surgeon Saad Yousef commented, “I’ve been through eight years of medical school, plus 13 years of actual practice, and I still can’t get past the third level. We need these gamers in the operation room, stat!”

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