Mario’s Mustache

March 17th, 2008 · 23 Comments

mustache1.jpg

Mario has a mustache, he’s had one for years. No one has ever sat down and asked why. Is a coincidence that the savior of the Mushroom Kingdom rocks a stache?

Let’s find out.

I feel that the stache is the source of Mario’s power, which is the power of confidence. Just look at his face, he’s never worried or scared. It gives him confidence in the fact that if he eats a mushroom, he WILL grow larger. It also makes him feel good about his ability to conjure up fireballs out of mid air. Look at Colonel Custer, he wore a mustache and he was one of the most confident military leaders in history.

You also never see him without a hat on, he’s probably balding. It has been proven that men that are loosing their hair have confidence issues. It appears that Mario has found a way to overcome, which explains why he has only gotten better looking as the years have progressed, at least that’s what the ladies say.

Mario’s mustache is also a symbol of his dominance over King Koopa over all of these years. Since the day they first met on opposite sides of the NES battlefield, Mario always had a proverbial one up on old Bowser. He proudly displayed his ability the grow hair to spit in the face of his scaly nemesis. The envy of this ability is so powerful that Koopa continually returns from the grave to seek his revenge on Mario and his majestic mustache!

That growth of hair between his top lip and nose also helps him with the ladies. Let’s face it, if he didn’t have a shot with the Princess he wouldn’t save the Mushroom Kingdom over and over again. Tom Selleck and Billy D. Williams both had mustaches. Magnum P.I. and Lando Calrissian were knee deep in ladies during their day. Then Selleck shaved his off and saw his movie roles and ladies decline. That’s why Mario doesn’t roll without one. Ron Jeromy has had a mustache since age 8 and he has always been a BIG hit with the ladies.

Honestly, a Princess with the last name Toadstool sounds like she would have some kind of fungus. Might shoot for another lady to risk you life for. I’m just sayin.

There are many other reasons that Mario has a mustache, one is probably an old stereotype. No reason to get into those boring reasons. All we need to know is that as long as he has one, he’ll be the top grossing hero in the video game world.

With a mustache.

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    23 responses so far ↓

    • 1 andyg8180 // Mar 17, 2008 at 3:02 pm

      I guess no one ever wondered why Princess loved sitting on Mario’s face so much…

    • 2 Lono // Mar 17, 2008 at 3:04 pm

      Oh noes….

    • 3 LJ // Mar 17, 2008 at 3:36 pm

      Did any of you guys see the thing they have over on G4tv about how he would look like if he were real? Wow…just wow.

    • 4 Aiden Sana // Mar 17, 2008 at 3:54 pm

      nah, haven’t seen that. most everything I see on G4 is Ninja Warrior. I did see on G4 though that Bioware confirmed Mass Effect 2 for PC. But everyone else probably already knew that…lol.

    • 5 nick1023456 // Mar 17, 2008 at 4:57 pm

      at the top left mario is on a mongouse

    • 6 LJ // Mar 17, 2008 at 5:23 pm

      Mass Effect One of the few RPG’s I actually like.

    • 7 FlintSteelton // Mar 17, 2008 at 6:13 pm

      Mario’s hat can come off in Super Mario 64. He seemed to still have hair at the time. Thought that might be some tasty info.

    • 8 Chuck Norris // Mar 17, 2008 at 6:30 pm

      What about Hitler? He had a ’stache.

    • 9 Mrrix32 // Mar 17, 2008 at 6:51 pm

      *Nintendo Fanboi Alert*

      Mario’s mustache was created because it showed up better on an 8 Bit sprite than a mouth. Also they where limited on colours so they used the same colour as his shirt, which wouldn’t look too good as a mouth.

    • 10 Kalroy // Mar 17, 2008 at 8:53 pm

      Parros

    • 11 Anthem // Mar 17, 2008 at 9:27 pm

      Wow, what a crappy article. We have this one, we had an earlier one asking if Army of Two was gay, these could have been written by a fifteen year old. Are they? And Mario has taken off his hat. Mario 64, Mario 64 DS, and when you beat Super Smash Bros. Brawl with him.

    • 12 LJ // Mar 17, 2008 at 9:50 pm

      @Mrrix32
      Thats is something I did not know. Now I can use that to make my friends feel like idiots when we quiz eachother from time to time on gaming.

    • 13 maul // Mar 18, 2008 at 1:39 am

      Mario has a moustache and a hat because they were easier to program back in the old days than hair.

    • 14 maul // Mar 18, 2008 at 1:40 am

      he has a tash because it was easier to program than a mouth in the ol d days.

      Common knowledge.

    • 15 maul // Mar 18, 2008 at 1:41 am

      Also, you see him without his hat in SMG and SM64, he aint bald.

    • 16 Lono // Mar 18, 2008 at 7:29 am

      @Anthem: Don’t be jealous.

    • 17 Doc // Mar 18, 2008 at 4:44 pm

      @Anthem Still waiting on your brilliant submission.

    • 18 OneGiantNinja // Mar 18, 2008 at 11:36 pm

      The reason of the stache was the creaters thought it was the best way to define a jaw line.

    • 19 Kman // Mar 19, 2008 at 8:07 am

      OK……..well…MARIO RULZ

    • 20 killer bonnar // Mar 19, 2008 at 12:15 pm

      The stache hides many secrets beware…….

    • 21 GoNintendo » Blog Archive » The magic of Mario’s mustache- What are you waiting for? // Mar 19, 2008 at 12:33 pm

      [...] Article here [...]

    • 22 The magic of Mario’s mustache | Gaming News and Reviews // Mar 19, 2008 at 1:44 pm

      [...] Article here [...]

    • 23 Kaser’s STAR PULSAR // Apr 11, 2008 at 5:59 am

      [...] rocks a stache? Let’s find out. Share This Read the rest of this story at SarcasticGamer.com. sarcasticgamer.com/wp/index.php/2008/03/marios-mustache-and-what-it-means.html SarcasticGamer.com sarcasticgamer.com/wp No Comments so far Leave a comment RSS feed for [...]

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