During my short blogging career, I’ve come to terms with the “Fanboys.” They’re ferverent support of their favorite game/platform/unrealistic ideal is the backbone of the video game industry. Mostly, I just use them for my own delight by tormenting them with this platform called Sarcastic Gamer. Over time, I’ve noticed that only certain games generate fanboyism, while others do not. Let’s talk about who these fanboys are, so you can learn to spot them in the wild.
I’ll just get the traditional fanboys out of the way. The easy to spot fanboys. Hmmm, let’s see:
Halo Fanboys - Twenty something men that are visually identified by bulging neck veins, usually caused by screaming at anyone that doesn’t bow down to Halo Jesus. Online, you’ll usually find them dropping F-bombs on anyone that frags them, boy or girl. Lovely.
Mario Fanboys - Dorky, late twenties to mid-thirties men, who love the “retro” scene. When talking video games, these guys will always try to steer any video game conversation to the “best game ever” or the “most sold video game” or best “platformer” EVAR, Super Mario. Favorite song? Any stupid Youtube video where some wierdo plays the Mario theme with their feet, nose, or other body part.
Zelda Fanboys - Can be any age. Easy to tell by the confusion in their voice, after you ask them to tell you the difference in storyline from one Zelda game from the next. They usually go into catatonic shock as they lack the ability to realize that every Zelda game has the same fricking storyline. Also loves boomerangs.
More fanboys, new and old school, on the next page…
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22 responses so far ↓
1 Tenudin // Mar 4, 2008 at 9:16 am
Don’t forget, the Xbox 360 fanboys also get their internet privileges revoked every December too.
2 refinedsugar // Mar 4, 2008 at 9:28 am
How many of these satire categories do you fit into Lono?
3 Commadore64 Fanboy // Mar 4, 2008 at 9:30 am
These people also need reminding that there is no such thing as a “console war.” There WAS, long before Sony/Micro$oft entered the market, but ended sadly due to Dreamcast’s untimely demise and Sega raising their white flag of poor investments and near-bankruptcy.
By the way, WHAT ABOUT ME?! WHERE’S MY C64 MENTION? BRING BACK TAPES!
4 SarcasticSparki // Mar 4, 2008 at 9:47 am
You want him to pick on a C64 Fanboi?… It’s against most laws to harm endangered species. After a while aging will kill off what’s left of that breed… gone like the dodo
5 Saccia // Mar 4, 2008 at 10:04 am
Well done!
6 Maul // Mar 4, 2008 at 10:07 am
You missed out Pogemon fanboiz!
7 Lono // Mar 4, 2008 at 10:08 am
WTF is a pogemon?
8 The Ploogle // Mar 4, 2008 at 10:26 am
Pokémon. Pogemon is a really crappy speeling of it.
You forgot to provide a link to a Mario song! http://youtube.com/watch?v=tSte8m4Da6A
9 Sean "rothbart" Workman // Mar 4, 2008 at 10:27 am
Wow, it’s almost like you crossed Rothbart’s Rant #2 (you even used the same image!) with Rothbart’s Rant #4…
Rant #2: http://sarcasticgamer.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4217&postcount=1
Rant #4: http://sarcasticgamer.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4344&postcount=1
How weird..my CAPTCHA text to post this comment says: “scribed was”… it’s like even the website knew… (See: http://i102.photobucket.com/albums/m95/rothbart_photos/sarcasticgamer/scribedwas.jpg)
10 Maul // Mar 4, 2008 at 10:57 am
@Lono
The common reference to pokémon, it isn’t an abbreviation and I don’t even know why it is used XD
11 Lono // Mar 4, 2008 at 11:12 am
yes rothbart, I clearly copied your previous rants…. except mine is funny and yours are….
arduous… lol…
12 Alecsander_C // Mar 4, 2008 at 11:24 am
that was really cool
but what about Pokemon fans, or Figting game fanboys?
13 haydenkayne // Mar 4, 2008 at 12:05 pm
lets not forget about fanboy fanboys, these are the ones that are usually found in the same room/ team as a fanboy,agreeing with everything his buddy said. usually they just say “yah” and “go f*%$k yourself” a lot
14 StrangerWithCandy // Mar 4, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Wow, I have the bowels of a fanboy…and thats it! Do I win a prize?
Halo=own them, like them, have yet to submit to spasmic swearing
Zelda=I relize that the main plot/enemy is always the same,yet I still buy one every so often
Xbox360=have yet to get the rrod so im not pissed at it…yet
15 Mclovin // Mar 4, 2008 at 1:33 pm
I love the one about “imaginary game fanboys”. So true.
16 Lono // Mar 4, 2008 at 1:40 pm
thanks, you sexy hamburger.
17 Raoh // Mar 4, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Hilarious
18 Bill // Mar 4, 2008 at 4:21 pm
@Lono
Good read. Have you checked Destructoid’s Guide? It’s along the same lines.
http://www.destructoid.com/a-guide-to-recognizing-your-gamers-chapter-4-32991.phtml
19 Lono // Mar 4, 2008 at 4:26 pm
@Bill - No, I never read that… Good stuff. I went the glib and game specific route… lol…
20 mallavu399 // Mar 4, 2008 at 4:44 pm
That was hilarious but even though I know it was satire, aren’t you and Dave always cheering well at least in episode 29 when CoD 4 is top XBOX live game. You two might want to start thinking about Fanboys Anonymous
21 Deet-tastec // Mar 4, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Dont forget the Final Fantasy Fanboys. Specifically the FF7 fans.
22 Nascar Sucks // Mar 5, 2008 at 2:56 pm
I can’t believe you forget “Microsoft Fan Boys”
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