CONTEST Last Day Winner: ShockwaveLover!

March 14th, 2008 · 3 Comments

So, I cheated, but whatever, it’s my contest, I pick who I want.  I liked this day 2 story so I decided it would win on day 3. Congrats ShockwaveLover.  Here’s the winner:

In breaking news, the United States military has just unveiled its latest Missile Shield concept. In development for over a year, the project, codenamed DOC, has only just been declared operational. General Adams, head of the revolutionary project, gave this statement during a press conference at the White House.

“I am pleased to announce the latest addition to the United States arsenal, the DOC. The latest in Pre-shrunk Cotton technology has been incorporated into this new defence system, designed to intercept ICBMs before they reach their targets.”

“Imagine an orbiting network of computer linked, laser guided, radar homing, hypersonic Kill-Sats. Then imagine the cost. But luckily, a much cheaper and just as effective solution was found. The entire system is based on the discovery of a special relationship between the aura of a geek, and a T-Shirt. Separately, neither is very powerful. But when combined, it was found that the combination of geekiness and pre-shrunk cotton could repel anything, up to and including a nuclear detonation.”

“The basic employment of this new system is very simple. By launching geeks into orbit, equipped with these new shirts, we can provide complete coverage of the US mainland. We currently have 250 units operational, with more to come, as soon as this block is in orbit.”

Technical difficulties plagued the project since it’s inception, with many and varied problems springing up along the way.
 

We’ve had our share of troubles, I’ll admit” stated the General, “No project doesn’t. But the main problem we had turned out to be one of our own staff. A Russian agent, codenamed DREW, was discovered 6 weeks into the research. Luckily he was captured before he could do any damage.”

The success of the project has reportedly caused consternation in the offices of tech giant, Microsoft, whose competing system, consisting of overheating Xbox 360s and a big ass table, had only reached the prototype stage. Bill Gates, head of Microsoft, was quoted as saying:

“What, you mean we diverted the entire power of the Xbox Live network to power this thing, and we lost to SG Industries?!

The staff of Project DOC are already reported to be working on improvements, including 3 new classes of geeks, codenamed LONO (Lethal Object, Nasty Orbiter), MOD and ADMIN.

The governments of Russia and China have thus far made no comment on the news, but it is certain that both countries will be developing similar systems.

For the winners: Be sure to PM me your address and email address or all is lost.

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  • Tags: news

    3 responses so far ↓

    • 1 DemonicDerek // Mar 14, 2008 at 1:00 am

      LONO CHEATED!?!?!… Oh, wait nvm this isn’t news at all!

    • 2 Pablos102030 // Mar 14, 2008 at 1:38 am

      This one is the best

    • 3 SarcasticSparki // Mar 14, 2008 at 8:13 am

      I’ve heard rumors that DOC is only effective at repelling Guided Intellegence Rocket Launching Systems… and that we’re in severe danger if our enemies switch to using similar DOC technology as offensive weapons. DOC has a major flaw that, while it can repel GIRLS, it can’t seem to stay away from systems using equipment similar to itself.

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