Over the last couple of days I’ve been playing the heck out of Army of Two. It’s mindless shoot ‘em up fun. No harm there, right? Admittedly, the game has stupid dialogue and 12 year old “frat guy” antics that make war out to be some kind of action hero power fantasy. Hmmm… Power fantasy, with two men… in leather…. with bedazzled guns, who go shopping after every mission???
WTF? These guys are…Gay!?!? Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
What the heck is EA selling?
Let’s examine the facts. The two main characters are portrayed as the two most hetero men that ever lived. Burly and ohhh so… dangerous, these guys put on leather and kill people. They couldn’t be gay. Could they?
Well, what’s the goal of the game? The whole goal of the game is to “pimp out” and eventually “bedazzle” your guns. This isn’t inherently gay, but it does play to a certain gay stereotype. It’s like Queer Eye for the Straight guy, but with guns. It’s like these guys are trying sooo hard to prove their masculinity with their big guns, yet they couldn’t help themselves from putting a bunch of rhinestones on them to make them, oh, I don’t know…. Pretty?
Of course, next you have over the top “best bud” antics not seen since Top Gun. Good lord, the only thing missing is a shirtless volleyball game with Val Kilmer and “Playing With The Boys” by Kenny Loggins playing in the back ground. These guys play more grab ass, shake hands and bump uglies than teenagers on prom night.
Then there’s the insipid, tough guy dialogue. I mean come on. Who are they trying to fool? It’s obvious that through all of that “tough guy” snarl and “macho” four letter words, there’s real sexual tension between them. It’s palpable.
I mean, how bout calling out to go “Back to Back” to fend off bad guys? If that isn’t a cry for the love of your partner, I don’t know what is.
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I MUST ask. Are you being serious? I’m not arguing your logic. Oh no, your logic is pretty good on this one.
I’m just…. Yeah, I guess it is good they took out the “patch” minigame.
maybe you should play co-op with animathias, lono….
LOl, jk
Yeah, The game does seem to clearly point to some homosexual feelings amongst the main characters.
Like Lono stated, the fact that you can “bedazzle” and make your guns look pretty (almost like a 7 year old girls’ art project), may be just a little on the soft side for most of the more grizzled guerillas out there.
I think someone has their own secrets hiding in the closet and they are trying to shift the spotlight to someone else, JK. So going shopping in game makes your character gay, what GTA: San Andreas, Saint’s Row (granted you have one line in the game that does kinda out you). Some of the weapons when pimped look pretty badass, like the SAL-86 and the BST.
that was so funny.
But do you recommend this game?
So that’s where Ace & Gary have gone.
ROFL Vin Dali… nice.
Lono at sarcasticgamer dot com
http://download.penny-arcade.com/podcast/Our%20Crucial%20Pamphlet.mp3
Made this hilarious post about Lono and his Penny-Arcade plagiarizin’ ways, but for some reason it didn’t take. Just listen to the PA podcast posted above. Esplanations, Lono, me ol’ trout?
Or maybe you really want to bling out your gun, but just don’t know it yet… Maybe harda$$ Army guys like shiny objects.
@ Lono
You know guys, espescially you Lono, why is everybody asking why you can bedazzle your guns? Just yesterday, when the podcast was released, you asked why the girl gamers hadn’t been recognized, even critcizing the numbers. Obviously, EA had the ladies in mind when choosing to allow you to make your guns pretty. Not saying that all girls want everything to look pretty, but the fact that you can make your guns look like candy coated spirit sticks can only mean that some girls would like that. Any man who does that has his own problems, but just because a feature in a game doesn’t apply directly to men, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be there. It’s that kind of male shovunism that makes women stay away from gaming. Nice job guys. Btw I’m a 15 year old boy. Just in case any of you thought I was a girl…
@Temple Dog: So they called them gay, in a podcast that I’ve never even listened to until today, because of your post and I plagiarized them? You either don’t know what the word plagiarize means, or you’re an idiot… Pick one.
is idiot the correct answer?
Y’know, I really thought you were cribbing from PA, Lono…until I read some more reviews. Damn, this game is gay. Like, pink speedos gay. My bad.
p.s.: watch that idiot crap, bucko.
Well you shouldn’t throw around the plagiarism word either…
PLaying grab ass, one day in the box. looking at my sandals, oh you better believe thats a paddlin.
their names are rios and salem? i thought that EA made this so lono and animathias could continue their love tryst without anyone interupting. thats why its not called ARMY OF 3 (doc and dave dont go that way)
Who’s the project lead on Ao2? Like to know the name of the dood what went: “Hey, you know what could be cool? Let’s give two asshole fratboys guns and the hots for each other, and stick ‘em in Iraq. That’d totally rock, bro.”
On the other hand, mebbe it’s some kind of incredibly subversive artistic statement that we’re all a part of because of our overt reaction to two Jason Vorhees wannabes acting like two highschool football douchebags after blowing away their 5ooth ‘terrorist’.
Naw. Asshole fratboys in love. Gotta be.
2 gay guys that kick ass with hot lead, Hot.
kinda like Ai Cho Aniki
http://hg101.classicgaming.gamespy.com/choaniki/choaniki.htm
You guys are nuts, the whole macho thing is not a gay reference, it is a Tonka toy’s-esque attempt to make the guys REALLY manly, so much that it is funny.
Any way, I like to pimp my guns and I like boobs.
i dont know what u guy’s problems are but this is one the most badass games i have ever played. you dont “bedazzle” your guns and make them look like pretty poppy flowers. you can make them “pimped” and it makes them silver, gold, and sometimes even gives them flames or badass engravings. this also makes the aggro you can get go up. and alot of the weapons look badass. upgrade the SAW all the way then pimp it out, its one of the most badass looking weapons after that even though i dont use it cuz the accuracy sucks. and they dont do one thing in the game that would make them look gay. perhaps someone who decided to post this has some of their own homosexual tendencies that they are trying to blame on something else.
Yeah just ignore what I said… What I say doesn’t count for crap…
Yeah BlackRain, you’re right, because playing with a diamond encrusted machine gun isn’t gay at all… What was I thinking.
Somebody call the Army and tell them what’s up! Get them some gold “bedazzled”… um, I mean “pimped” weapons NOW!
Yeah, I agree… not one thing is gay at all…. ROFL.
Gold weapons, what is wrong with these people? If i wanted a gold weapon, i sure as hell wouldn’t use. It would be on display or something.
Alecsander, It’s a good game if you want some easy achievements.
Well, when you see people with “pimped out” cars it might be to enhance its performance but the neon lights, decals & fancy spinning rims…well…they’re kind of like the pimped guns..
Thats just my point of view..
This game was awesome as hell, and the dialog was cool as well.. I can see it being a pretty well action movie, because that’s what it reminded me of, and the graphics were beautiful, as well as the character designs. As for the two characters relationship… Its all about the bromance haha.. They’re supposed to be mad tight, and guys like that would be in love with each other, but not in a way where they’d want to get in each others pants or anything.. Its also a warrior thing. As for the “Bedazzled” guns (that cracked me the hell up ha) Its just making the guns look “pimp” or “rock n roll”, also gives you, or one of you the hate (I never played the game, but I’d watch my brother play it). If they had flowers, and stuff on em, then I’d think they were gay ha… Why does everyone try to make everything, or everyone “gay” now ha…. Warriors, soldiers, and fighters, in ancient times had male lovers, and there was no such thing as “gay”. The relationship between the two warriors was supposed to be all about respect, honor, great trust, and loyalty.. not to mention it was equal, since to them women weren’t equal, not meant in a bad way towards women, but that was just a man’s world, and the thoughts that went through a man’s head who had to be of that world, always made him different from a woman. Yes there are/were female warriors, but still its just a guy thing. The whole idea behind it was if you loved the man you were fighting alongside with, then you’d both fight even harder… I aint gay, and I aint sayin if you’re gay you’re bad or nothing… Just saying people throw that word around way too much, and are so wrapped up in what society today views as gay, especially gay society… Its all crap to me
http://pungentpals.com/?p=17 Some other guys thought he same thing.
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