Pirates vs. Ninjas… The story so far:
Having seen the arguments raging online for years now, I’ve decided to air my view on the pirates vs. ninjas debate. This is a controversial matter, so if you disagree feel free to vent in the comment box down the bottom, there. Oh and just so you know, I would never use or describe a stereotype. I’m above that.
Pirates
Advantages: Cutlasses!! Oh yes! Equipped for close and short range combat, Peg Legs, have guns and cannons along with booty, pets and of course, sea shanties.
Disadvantages: Peg legs, a wind powered ship, alcohol addiction, lack of oral hygiene and scurvy.
The renowned swashbuckling foes have been prominent in history and fiction for many years, however can they really better the ninja? Well, first of all, let’s discuss their advantages, and obviously their arsenal is where we start.
Pirates carry two weapons, a big old fashioned pistol and a cutlass. If you think about it, this equips them for close and short range combat, while also being lightweight and portable. The pistol might take a while to reload and probably isn’t that accurate, but it’s still a big ass pistol with massive recoil. The cutlass doesn’t better the professional katanas that ninjas carry, but it can do the job when taking over a ship.
Pirates also have their ship – a massive wooden beast that can sail the stormy seas and install fear in everybody. The crow’s nest is a good look out, and much better than radar. Ok, I admit that the sails are rubbish, and a motor would be better, but that’s just the way they roll.
Onto the pirate’s dress code. One slight disadvantage to pirates is that they must always wear an eye patch regardless of the health of their eyes. Not good for depth perception. I guess that’s why they all have peg legs…
Another slight disadvantage, which really impacts on a pirate’s combat skill, is the fact that all pirates MUST have a hook or wooden stump for a hand or leg respectively. The hook isn’t too bad in a fight as it can be sharpened or replaced with a point or whatever, but the wooden stump can catch fire and prevents fast movement. Pirate’s combat skills suffer another blow when you account for their alcohol consumption and lack of teeth (don’t ask how that affects combat). The booze, combined with the eye patch wearing, can lead to pretty bad sight, and poor depth judgment.
Pirates do have some more tricks up their sleeves though, their pets. Pirates have either a monkey or a parrot and, if trained well enough, could attack a ninja. The parrot could swoop in and peck at the eyes, while the monkey does…monkey stuff. Pirates are also fairly wealthy with plenty of captured booty in a big wooden chest and this leads to plenty of fornication, drugs and sea shanties (sex, drugs and rock and roll).
Ninjas, on the next page!
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16 responses so far ↓
1 Ploogle // Mar 25, 2008 at 1:09 pm
I’m not quite sure what your conclusion is…but from your last words about Ninjas, you obviously think Pirates are better.
EL WRONGO! Ninjas can beat up Pirates any day!
2 flamingsquirrel // Mar 25, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Pirates: Drunken inbred hicks, probably originating from Alabama, who sail around in a big boat and take things from random people.
Ninjas: Highly trained, highly bad ass, professional killing machines who can kill without even being seen (as opposed to Pirates who off their boat screaming for booze, and shooting their flint lock pistols into the air, so if they actually need to use said pistol, it will take 10 minutes just to reload. And that’s if they’re sober)
Also: Ninja Gaiden II or Zack and Wiki.
3 chris24680 // Mar 25, 2008 at 1:37 pm
just go to askaninja.com and you will see ninjas every time
4 Keith K // Mar 25, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Picking Pirates over Ninjas is like picking Street Thugs over Navy Seals… It seems like the obvious choice when you got your pants around your ass crack.. but lets be honest, you’re only fooling yourself.
5 Servo // Mar 25, 2008 at 3:57 pm
What about Cowboys? Why have they been left behind? Is it that they are so great they cant be even compared?
6 RK1 FaMiCuS // Mar 25, 2008 at 4:15 pm
“Ninja Disadvantages: Not as much personality as pirates,” Have you ever seen the “Ask A Ninja” Ninja, he has got enough personality for 170 ninjas.
7 You don't want to click this. // Mar 25, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Look at it this way;
though ninjas may be athletic, they cannot run a bajillion miles per hour or shoot fireballs as most tend to believe. Pirates however, can shoot ninjas. A ninja, once shot, becomes no better at fighting then a flaming five year old (which is to imply he can still hurt you}
8 Dableo // Mar 25, 2008 at 7:36 pm
You forget that ninjas can deflect bullets with their sword. Ninjas ftw!
9 Jordan the hobo // Mar 25, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Ninjas can simply out run bullets or deflect them with their swords, and they do not get tired easitly
Ninjas FTW
10 TerminalGrav // Mar 25, 2008 at 8:41 pm
All of you ninja lovers are forgetting the three most important advantages of pirates.
1)Alcohol.
2)Guns.
3)Ships. You seem to forget that pirates live on ships with cannons to shoot at ninjas with. And don’t forget that ninjas can’t swim. they can run across water, but only if its flat. and if you have ever been to the ocean, you know what waves look like. they will all drown half way to the pirate ship.
Meanwhile we pirates drink and enjoy our wenches.
11 Artemas // Mar 25, 2008 at 9:04 pm
LOL. Ninjas FTW!! Although If I may add a historical correction Ninjas more typicaly carries a light weight straight blade or Ninja sword. A katana is too cunbersom to move quietly with and can be awkword to use with the Ninjitsu fighting style.
Samurai’s carried Katanas
12 GAM // Mar 25, 2008 at 9:32 pm
What people seem to forget that if a ninja wants to attack a pirate he will board the boat and hide before it leaves the port. If the ship has already left the port the pirates are no harm to the ninja, and the ninja can just wait for another shipload of pirates, they will dock at that port eventually
13 floyd // Mar 25, 2008 at 11:24 pm
you made the right choice
14 Riki // Mar 26, 2008 at 3:37 am
Actually, ninjas did use firearms when they showed up in japan, as well as explosives. And they did not wear the black pajamas (which are actually costumes worn by stagehands in japanese theater) but were far more likely to wear either a disguise which could get them near their target, or simple light armor. They also had a hell of a lot more weapons, and though they specialized in stealth, and should not have to fight if everything went according to plan, they trained to not only win in a fair fight, but to be able to fend off large numbers of opponents as well. Their throwing weapons alone (which included more than just the familiar throwing stars) gave them a significant advantage when all hell broke loose. But more importantly they were pragmatic and taught to improvise, making them highly adaptable and unpredictable.
Pirates were deadly, and their skill is not to be underestimated, but they specialized in sailing. typically they would destroy a ship’s sails and then board it, and fight the crew until they surrendered. They survived because they picked on the weak, poorly armed vessels. Once they boarded the ship, they would fire a few shots (an advantage because most sailors didn’t routinely carry 4 or 5 loaded pistols) and then use a pistol as a club to supplement their cutlass. Good in groups for short engagements against inferior opponents. And let’s not forget that their pistols were not as deadly as you might think. Most fatalities would actually be from infections. It’s also worth mentioning that they were less likely to be finding gold and riches than sugar and molasses. All that killing for stuff that would cost about $5 today.
So, I have to say that ninjas would win. They would certainly be using stealth, which makes it impossible for pirates to use canons on them, and given their sheer skill and trickiness, I don’t think the pirates stand a chance. Hell, they might just set fire to the boat while it’s in the harbor. If done correctly, the powder kegs on board would ignite before anyone knows what’s going on, and any crew members not on board would be stranded and separated from most of their money and supplies. At that point they are easy pickings for a patient ninja.
Bottomline: Pirates are skilled at sailing and taking boats. Ninjas are skilled at infiltration, killing people without being seen, and finding ways to survive seemingly impossible situations. Unless the ninjas happen to be on a boat and caught off guard, the pirates are not going to be in their element. Virtually anywhere else, the ninjas have the advantage.
15 aRustySpork // Mar 26, 2008 at 7:53 am
I’d just like to say that the last post there by Riki totally pwned u all. Pirates suck, Ninjas are totally f’ing badass, nuff said, the sooner all u pirate lovers realize this and move on, the better
16 ori-on // Jul 14, 2008 at 7:17 pm
how bout a pirate ninja?
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