Success! After a week of guarding my mailbox from polar bears and school children, my free BaconSalt has arrived. Could $12 of pork-flavored seasoning be worth the plethora of free name drops and podcast endorsements?
Let’s put it to the test!
I unwrapped the box to find the standard three flavors of BaconSalt, plus their very own cozy carrying case! I thought it was odd that not even two shakers would completely fit inside of it.
The first item up for extra flavoring: taters. Not having a clue as to what quantity of BaconSalt to use, I took the whole shaker up to my room. This ended up being a great combination of potato and love.
The next victim was tomato soup. As you can see, I let the shaker cook the food this time. What a slob.
Tomato Soup + BaconSalt = Loss for Words. It ended up tasting like a juicy, tender pig rolled in watery spaghetti. Delicious!
It appears these scramble eggs may have contracted herpes, but in fact, it’s just the scrumptious disease of BaconSalt. This one-two punch is actually recommended right on the label. Spot on.
My roommate, Groaner, had a slice of bacon pizza leftover from the previous night. The temptation was just too powerful to resist. After taking one bite, his sperm count grew by 20%.
No. This is wrong. Next picture please.
Being a poor college student, not a lot of food was at my disposal for taste testing. Instead, I decided to find it’s true value to the household.
Working as a team, BaconSalt does an incredible job at household chores.
Alas, even the simple task of washing a month’s worth of dishes seemed overwhelming.
Taking out the trash ended up being a major problem. The smell of old bacon going out with the new was too much to bear for ol’ Peppered here.
After the slave labor, I gave the boys a quick Wii break. You’d expect seasonings of this caliber to kick ass at video games, but unfortunately, this was not the case. Even BaconSalt looks stupid playing Cooking Mama.
Oh no! The thrill of violent video games went straight to their sealed-for-freshness heads. They picked a fight with a local seasoning gang. Never bring a can opener to a knife fight.
Eventually the situation cooled down, and everyone went out to get plastered. BaconSalt does not know the meaning of ‘please drink responsibly’.
Well, after a long day, I let the little guys go off to bed to dream of ground pigs. Good night, sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.
No, really. If any f*cking bed bug eats one flake of my BaconSalt, I’m taking a flamethrower to my mattress.
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23 responses so far ↓
1 ZeroOnyx // Mar 31, 2008 at 1:14 pm
First comment? FUNNY as H*LL, and the pictures were totally awesome to boot. Keep up the great writing Mr. Bacon Salt
2 RaiseHavok // Mar 31, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Bacon salt on leftover bacon pizza, my mind is completely blown.
3 Lono // Mar 31, 2008 at 1:26 pm
This is like the day in the life of Volkov, except with BaconSalt.
Pure and unadulterated WIN.
4 LJ // Mar 31, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Was it any good ? I mean other than the stuff they told you to taste with it?
5 killer bonnar // Mar 31, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Those pictures as funny as hell, nice work dude i laughed like hell when i saw the spaghetti stuff gees that looks like a bad case of herpes.
6 khit // Mar 31, 2008 at 1:53 pm
That “Pouch” in the first picture is a pop can (soda, w/e) holder, not a baconsalt holder! Now you can promote baconsalt when drinking pepsi, too! (Please tell me if a pop can actually fits in there, I’m pretty sure thats what it is, but it will haunt my nightmares if I don’t get closure here)
7 Artemis // Mar 31, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Great artical. Any recomended flavors?
8 TheMeggaMan // Mar 31, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Good work.
Where could one obtain the tasteful wonder that is BaconSalt?
9 photomaster94 // Mar 31, 2008 at 2:57 pm
i never expected baconaslt to be this good, to bad it is not kosher
10 Matt 'Volkov' Schmidt, Brought to you by Bacon Salt // Mar 31, 2008 at 3:13 pm
@LJ:
Yeah, my favorite was in the tomato soup. I don’t recall them every mentioning that idea.
@Artemis - Peppered all the way.
@Meggaman - http://www.baconsalt.com. Use the code “sarcasticgamer’ to get a free hug.
#photomaster - It is kosher-certified. Also it’s vegan and fat free.
11 Tim The Tiny Tonic // Mar 31, 2008 at 3:33 pm
they did mention tomato soup… right above scrambled egg
12 khit // Mar 31, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Volkov: How much Free baconsalt do you get? And do you get any free bacon to go along with it?
13 Matt 'Volkov' Schmidt, Brought to you by Bacon Salt // Mar 31, 2008 at 4:45 pm
@TTTT: Fine, I lose.
@khit: Classified. How am I expected to get additional free products if I blab on about the cash they are slipping me under the table?
God, what do you think this is, journalism?
14 CAP Cbass // Mar 31, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Excellent article Matt ‘Volkov’ Schmidt, Brought to you by Bacon Salt. I have odd craving for Bacon Salt now.
On a side note CLEAN YOUR KITCHEN. Regardless if your a poor college student or not its no excuse for poor cleaning. Think of all the germs or viruses being cultivated there. How many flies do you kill daily?
15 Ryan // Mar 31, 2008 at 5:56 pm
sarcastic gamer.. brought to you by playswitch.com and bacon salt.
mmmm. bacon :]
16 LJ // Mar 31, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Well looks like you just talked me into buying some Bacon salt. lol
Not just for the taste, but also all the shananigans that come along withit.
17 Matt 'Volkov' Schmidt, Brought to you by Bacon Salt // Mar 31, 2008 at 7:08 pm
@LJ: None. It’s just the matter of cleaning the moldy dishes when they start to smell. You can leave the rest alone.
18 DemonicDerek // Mar 31, 2008 at 7:23 pm
CAP Cbass sounds like a housewife….or a mother.
19 CAP Cbass // Mar 31, 2008 at 8:30 pm
No housewife nor mother I’m just a dude that knows the benefits of a clean house. I don’t want to be sick all the time and have my house smell like a trash can, would you? We wouldn’t have half as much sickness or disease in this world if people would properly clean up after themselves. It really doesn’t require that much extra effort. I can clean my whole house faster than it takes DMC4 to install on the PS3.
20 Bungie Studios // Mar 31, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Have you become an advertisment whore?
21 randomperson // Mar 31, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Sponsered by bacon salt.
22 Mizzl FashizzL // Apr 1, 2008 at 8:29 am
Dude, this stuff must be da Shizzl! Do they ship overseas??
23 teh0riginalb00n // Apr 21, 2008 at 12:04 pm
very funny
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