WACO – The world has been anxiously holding its breath, waiting to find out where Phil Harrison, the self-liberated former president of Sony Computer Entertainment America, would end up next. While wild speculation seemed to indicate he might be headed for the hallways of Atari, Sears Roebbuck Co., has broken the silence regarding Harrison’s newest career opportunity.

Gus Fuller, Midwest Regional Assistant to the Manager of Retail Sales stated in a print release:

“It is with great pride that we welcome Associate Phillip Harrison to our Electronics Department,” said Sears’ Assistant to the Manager. “Given his extensive track record, we are sure that within a few months, Phillip will be considered for even greater opportunities, as they become available.”

We are told that Harrison’s initial duties will include analysis of customer spending potential, product consultation, organizational assignments, and occasional light lifting. Several of his new coworkers told us that Harrison is “quite the salesman.”

“This lady came in complaining that the digital camera that she bought from us didn’t have a preview screen,” said fellow associate, Matt Kimble. “By the time she left, she was smiling and bought two more of the exact same camera. I don’t know how he did it, but I did hear him tell her that preview screens on digital cameras were ‘SO last-gen’.”

“We’re proud of Phillip,” said store manager Ian Good. “If he keeps this up, in a few years, he’ll make manager. And that’s when the BIG bucks start rolling in.”

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