LOS ANGELES - EA will assume immediate control of nearly 7200 Baskin Robbins properties in North America, after making a successful 2 billion dollar cash bid for the company, using money previously ear-marked to buy Take-Two Interactive. (That deal stalled last week, when several Take Two executives had to be hospitalized after a laughing attack.)This marks the first time in history that a video game mega-corporation has purchased any type of food-related entity.
We caught up with EA’s Property Acquisitions Lead, Vince Guerrero, this morning via telephone, where he explained Electronic Arts’ plan for the iconic ice cream retailer.
“One of the first things we noticed was that Baskin Robbins was spreading itself a little too thin with all of those 31 flavors,” said Guerrero. “It’s way too confusing to consumers to have so many choices, so we’re eliminating 30 of them. We’re calling the lone, easy-to-choose flavor, EA-nilla.”
Guerrero went on to detail the staff changes that could be expected under EA ownership.
“With that streamlining of the flavor array, comes a lower demand for scoopers, so we’re letting them all go, and replacing them with our game writers who, let’s face it, really don’t do much for our titles. Consumers can now expect much faster delivery of their ice cream than was previously thought possible. We’ll be churning out a new scoop constantly and with our proven standardization process, every single scoop will be exactly like the one that came before it, in every way.”
The complete brand conversion to “Electronic Arts Baskin Robbins’ 1 Flavor” should be completed by June, just in time for the “ice-cream rush.” Guerrero would not answer our questions regarding rumors that the company is also eying TCBY, Marble Slab Creamery, and Breyers.
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6 responses so far ↓
1 SarcasticSparki // Feb 29, 2008 at 10:14 am
NO!!! not marble slab, they can have BR31.. but not marble slab!
I love Fridays.
2 footnmouthtard // Feb 29, 2008 at 1:56 pm
hell yea , I contacted John Madden himself, he confimed this story and said Baskin Robbins will mail you a free ice cream cone for every touchdown scored. in Madden 09. “What? We have to give them something other than a port of last years game”. John Madden.
3 mallavu399 // Feb 29, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Ha Fiction Friday is hilarious
4 Lono // Mar 1, 2008 at 3:42 am
I think John Madden ate all of the 30 other flavors… I think he was pissed that they didn’t have a “Fat Lard Bacon” flavor.
5 Cube // Mar 2, 2008 at 4:34 am
I demand EA puts green tea ice cream in everystore if they are taking over.
I want all my ice cream to be served by that loser madden too.
i am not going to spend 200 microsoft points for a spoon cheat already built into the green tea ice cream though I refuse.
6 joshua // Mar 6, 2008 at 11:51 pm
“This marks the first time in history that a video game mega-corporation has purchased any type of food-related entity.”
Actually Nintendo of America owned several showbiz pizzas back in the 80’s… lol
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