With the announcement yesterday that the Xbox division had turned a profit for the second quarter in a row, I couldn’t help but feel inclined to go and check out Xbox headquarters to get a couple interviews regarding this monumental occasion.

What I witnessed will astound you

I knew something was askew the very second I set foot inside Xbox Headquarters in Redmond, WA because there wasn’t a receptionist sitting behind the front desk like every other time I’ve been there. I patiently waited for a couple minutes until I realized that there was very loud music coming from down the hallway to my left.

After waiting a couple more minutes, I grew impatient and decided to see what all of the noise was about. I started walking down the long dark hallway towards the double doors at the end where all of the noise was emanating from. As I got closer and closer I started to notice there were hundreds of empty beer bottles and Solo cups strewn all over the floor. After climbing over the mountain of glass and plastic I finally reached the doors which I was now sure were the source of all the noise because I could barely hear myself think. I cautiously opened one of the doors and what I saw blew me away.

The room was jampacked full of nothing but people and alcohol as far as the eye could see. To give you an idea, think of Times Square on New Year’s Eve but replace the normal people with hardware and software nerds. There were enough pairs of glasses in the room that you could probably create a telescope strong enough to see Pluto. I didn’t want to stand out so I immediately grabbed a Bud Light from the nearest cooler, loosened my collar, and made my way through the massive crowd looking for somebody interesting to interview.

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