A whimsical look at recent gaming industry headlines… with Rothbart and Lono 

Blatant Shovelware News: Nintendo 150 Games for Wii and DS in the first half of 2008

The Bright Side: The ratio of top-notch Wii games to garbage is expect to hit an all-time high of 1 out of 50! Nice job Nintendo!

Tower Defense Is A Genre? News: PS3’s PixelJunk Monsters Supports PSP Remote Play

The Bright Side: Now you have one more game you can play on your PS3 in a closet or under your bed while hiding from the public humiliation that is “being seen playing a PS3 game.”

More headlines (with their “Bright Side”) after the jump…

The Waggle Waggle Bo Baggle, Banana Fana Fo Faggle News: Lair Developers Go To Wii

The Bright Side: Now Lair’s crappy controls can go along with the Wii’s crappy graphics! A match made in… hell.  At least people expect craptastic waggle controls on the Wii.  I do feel compelled to say that if they ruin Turrican, they deserve anything that comes their way (including the dreaded “Banana Fana Fo Faggle”.) 

Unclear At First But Ultimately Understood News: PS3’s Yakuza 3 gets it’s own brand of noodles

The Bright Side: If you thought this game would make you wanna puke, just wait until you try the noodles….

The Kitchen Sink Was 27 Additions Ago News: Super Smash Bros. Brawl Delayed Again (this time until March)

The Bright Side: They now have time to add in Ray Romano and Carrie Fisher as playable characters!

“You’re Playing Into His Hand Guys” News: Take-Two Sues Jack “Ass” Thompson

The Bright Side: Poor Jack Thompson, what did he do to deserve this attention!

The Downward Death Spiral News: Blu-ray accounted for entire Top 10 and 85% of all HD movie sales last week

The Bright Side: HD-DVD, remember… it’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.  There’s nothing be ashamed of for only getting 15% of the HD movie sales last week… awww, who the hell am I kidding?!  Here HD-DVD, take these pills and drink this.  Everything will be just fine… just go to sleep and it’ll all be over. 

Now I just have to move these laser discs around to make room for all of these new HD-DVD’s I just got for free with my cheap and super sweet HD-DVD player!

The Craptastic Game Fantastically Delayed News: Alone in the Dark delayed until May, PS3 even later

The Bright Side: PS3 fans finally catch a break!  While everyone else gets subjected to the wonder (and by “wonder” I mean “destined to be horribly horrible horror”) of a new Alone in the Dark game (based on the movie based on the game), you’ll be unaffected!  I blame Christian Slater.  It’s always his fault. 

The Far Out Things In Far Away Places News: Sega To Open A Theme Parks In Middle East

The Bright Side: You hated the mall anyway, and since this is in Dubai it’ll probably cost $10,000 just to get in!  Ladies, don’t forget your burkas when you go on the rollercoasters.

The Who Did What With Who? News: ESPN Signs Deal With Major League Gaming

The Bright Side: ESPN 8 “The Ocho” is now one step closer to becoming a reality.

The Genius Idiot K-mart Crook News: Man Caught Stealing Xbox Merchandise By Buying Large Items Stuffed With Smaller Items

The Bright Side: With his area of expertise, he’ll be very popular in prison.

The Nostalgia Nearly Died News: XBLA Golden Eye Scrapped Near Completion

The Bright Side: Our memories are safe!  Had this game been released, millions of people would’ve simultaneously either said “You guys used to play this crap?!” or “We used to play this crap?!”  We’re all better off this way, but dang it!  There go my digital Famke Jansen fantasies.

The Yankin’ Out The ‘Spensive Stuff News: PS3s Now Made For Half The Price

The Bright Side: Now Sony’s only taking a small loss per console instead of an enormous loss.  They’re one step closer to “doing it for nothing” when they finally break even.   It sounds like a great job really, make a product that loses tons of cash and then get promoted when you find a way to still lose cash, but “not that much.”  Kaz Hirai has it made.

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